Drunk Blogging: Valentine's Day Is Dumb.

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I don't know why this day exists. I tried to wikipedia it, but I don't know what the eff 72% of those words mean. But you know what I do know? Valentine's Day is super dumb, you guys.

I'm old, boring as sh*t and married now, but I was once a young buck, and I've had kind of almost a million boyfriends. (#humblebrag)

Do you know how many Valentine's Days that I actually remember? ZERO. Okay, that's a semi-lie. I remember one. When I was 14 (don't worry, it's not about to get Chris Hansen-ish), I was "hanging out" lite with this guy. Like, we didn't even acknowledge each other at school because he was a Senior and I was a Freshman that looked like this kind of thing:

THIS IS REAL LIFE.

You get the idea. So, it's dummy dumb idiot Valentine's Day and I get off the bus and get to my house, and there's one of those gigantic, white-teddy-bears-holding-a-heart-or-some-bullsh*t sitting on my doorstep. And somehow (I guess he called me on my rotary home phone) I found out it was from hangout homeboy:

ACTUAL DUDE.

And that was the moment that I knew that this holiday is crazy. I don't need your overpriced bear, bro. We aren't on that level, and even if we were, that sh*t was probably $57 dollars at a mall kiosk. You ripped yourself a new a-hole. I don't like flowers (I like them growing in the ground), I don't like chocolate, and I don't like jewelry. Like, tell me you like me on a random Tuesday over some cheese sticks, or something.

Why reserve that stuff for one designated day of the year? Because you know what? I love your asses every day of the mf-ing year. If I could make it rain some champs and chocolate through via the internets every day all of your faces, I would. That's the real real.

Now back to regularly scheduled b*tchery. Are you guys into V Day? VD? Vampire Diaries? Tell me your stories.



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Drunk Blogging: Let's Talk About Our T-Gives Weekend

I discovered something about myself this weekend, that I've been suspecting about myself for a time -- I'm a semi f*cking hermit. I like to post myself up in my house and do things like binge-watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 and read a sh*t ton of books. This isn't just me trying to be Little Edie-esque. I don't like raccoons that much.

please go watch grey gardens, if you've yet to do so.

I'm apparently kind of a loner. I'm really only telling you this because I've been drinking a little. I have/had friends, and I occasionally have people invite me to do sh*t with them, but I usually don't follow through. I don't even know why. I like hanging out with people for the most part, but sometimes I like books/Lifetime Movie Network/Discovery ID better. Does that make me a horrible person? Needless to say, I spent most of the times that encompass Thanksgiving weekend (so far) reading and watching TV.

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I'm not really sure if I'm a sad ass human specimen or kind of semi-normal. Now I'm just getting weird and esoteric. You guys tell me about your Thanksgiving times. I feel awkward.

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