Shut The Hell Up News O' The Day: Maddox Jolie-Pitt Is Way Grown Up And We're All Old.

Hey guys, remember Maddox Jolie-Pitt?

Here's how I remember him, in all his highlighted, mohawk-haired glory. So cute and 5-ish! (Maybe, I don't know how old kids are...ever.) Well, get your damn granny panties on, because homeboy is, like, 25 now.

pic via huffington post

Okay, so he's 12, BUT STILL. How did I not know this? I feel like I've been Rip van Winkle-d. Is Suri Cruise driving now? Did Shiloh get her Master's in Aerospace? If Blue Ivy is doing bachelorette booze cruises already, I quit this planet.

Okay, I guess I'll go wine and dine myself into feeling like less of a dumb dumb old.



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She's Baaaack

Pic via US Weekly

Lindsay Lohan left LA court today as a free woman. B's off probation! Pop bottles (please don't)!

I will say a quick "Thank you Jesus" to the fact that honey boo boo chile went back to being a ginge. I don't know what is happening so much with her facial sitch, but it (kinda?) looks good. She looks somewhat Leann Rimes-ish. But those toofs are looking good, and her skin looks like a human (and not an 80 year old one). But that pantsuit? Katie Couric, you are not. Even Ann Curry would throw you a hardcore side eye on that choice. And going up a size wouldn't kill you, kiddo.

Keep it together, Lindz.

Put one of these over your bed, and stare at it every morning. You'll be a-okay!

P.S. When you're bored (like you are after reading this ish), go to YouTube and search "Ann Curry." There are a bunch of videos of Ann Curry's legs. Why are creepers so creepy?




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Breaking News: Katy Perry Just Has a FUPA! (Google It If You're Reading This, Dad.)

Kitty Purry likes to get boozy. Leave a b alone with the constant womb checks, damn!

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