Friday, November 21, 2014

10 Reasons I'm Glad I'm Not A Dude

Let's be real, dudes have it easier in a multitude of ways. I'm not going to list them now, we're all painfully aware of that shit. But with Thanksgiving coming up, and everyone flooding your social media with "OMGZZZZ I'M SO THANKFUL FOR FLOWERS #WHATIMTHANKFULFOR2014," I thought I would turn the tables with my thoughts on why I'm so glad I'm NOT a dude.

#1 -- Pretty much zero clothing options. "Hmmm. Should I wear this boring-ass shirt and these semi-blah pants or THIS boring-ass shirt with THESE semi-blah pants? Decisions, decisions." And shoe options are, like, boat shoes or something else that's almost as bad as a boat shoe.

Unless you're Lenny Kravtiz. Then you do whatever the hell you want.

#2 -- Being expected to do socially constructed "mantivities." This definitely goes both ways when it comes to gender (OBVS -- why am I supposed to be the cooker/cleaner/caretaker/whatever? Dumb.), but guys are traditionally expected to do the grossest tasks like killing bugs or other varmints and taking out the leaky, garbage juice-soaked trash. Plus, it's assumed that you watch sports things. NOPE.

#3 -- Your ween telling you to do shit like this.

Dudes be lookin' gross like woah.

#4 -- And really, just having a wang at all.

Doesn't it just get in the way all the time? It sounds annoying. Vaginas 4 LYFE.

#5 -- Dude brain logic.

A photo posted by Tinder Nightmares (@tindernightmares) on

This guy's brain told him that this was totally cool to say. How is this real life? STOP THE INSANITY.

#6 -- Basic haircuts (typically). Most dudes have one of three or so haircuts. And if you branch out, the results can be dreadful.

#7 -- Balls.

#8 -- Beards. JK, beards are dope and I wish I had one. I almost want to get a beard weave, like this guy.

JK times two. That beard weave is ridiculous. Mine would be made from unicorn manes and have beads or other accoutrements.

#9 -- Being a stanky ass b. Guys smell worse. I'm sorry, it's science.

via holymaurymotherofgod

Dammit, Danjuma! I'm getting real tired of your bullshit.

#10 -- People judge your ass for beautifying stuff. Okay, this is a tough one. Women are EXPECTED to do crap to enhance our looks, but if a dude gets a manicure, or a spray tan, or wears any kind of makeup, people get weird about it. Who cares? Let people do whatever the eff they want to themselves. Or don't do what they want to themselves. Both ways. Ladies that don't want to shave their bodies and guys that wear lip gloss? Get over it, world. It's not your life.

What did I leave out? What makes you thankful to be lady-folk? It's Thanksgiving times!

videos via reddit cringe

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