I'm Not a Parent...

And if I were, I would probably be a half sh*tty one, but I am not okay with this.

Willow Smith has pierced her little 11 year old tongue. I'm totally down with the hair whipping back and forth, the head shaving, and such. I was certainly no angel (Yes, I was! If my family is reading this.), but 11 is freakin' redonk for starting with piercings. What is that? Fifth grade or some mess? I at least had the decency to wait until I was 15 or 16 to sneak out and get my belly button pierced! (I'm old fashioned that way. It was like '96. That's how we rolled back then.)

Send that little sweetheart to get a henna tattoo (which I wasn't allowed to do) or get a hair wrap. That was my jam in middle school.

Am I being an old b here? Are you guys on board with this ish?

Update: Willow Smith is saying that it's a fake tongue ring. We can all unclench now. I totally feel her, because when I was 11 I had fake glasses, a fake broken arm in a sling, and a fake retainer made from a paperclip. (No wonder my teeth aren't straight.)



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True Blood Musings: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

 Some people are making big changes 'round here (thanks, Counting Crows), so let's talk about this ish. Don't look at this picture of Eric for too long. You might burn your retinas.

JUMP! JUMP!

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Yo, I Can Do at Home Gel Manicures Like a Boss!

Red Carpet Manicure Pro Kit, $79.99

This is the good good, you guys. I can't lie -- I was super skeptical on the whole gel-manicure-at-home deal. I had heard about it, but I was all, "I've had a gel manicure in the salon. And that ish is the bizzle. It can't be like that." Then the good peeps over at Red Carpet Manicure sent me the Pro Kit to try.

It includes all the stuff you need: the light thingy, and all of the steps involved in the whole process, including a basic red shade of the gel polish. But here's the thing -- I kind of suck at painting my nails. I'm of the theory that one can paint the whole top part of one's finger, then peel everything off the skin around after the polish has dried. Yep, I'm very professional in life. So I was pretty unsure if I could do this mess. But guess what? I did it! And ish looked guuuuurrrd. Who's got a cookie for my ass?

The manicure lasted about two weeks for me, until it grew out. It was pretty much just like the gel manicure I have had a few times in the salon. I think at the $80 purchase price is well worth it, when you think about the fact that each gel manicure is over $20. They also sell more colors, and they can even be purchased at Ulta. I'm going to buy more tomorrow, because I'm a total makeup hoarder.

P.S. I would have taken a picture of my hands, but I just took the polish off a day ago. AND I'm lazy. AND my hands look like a 95 year old woman's. (I'm all veiny. It's gross. Trust, I'm saving you on this one.)



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You Know How You Know I'm Old?

Pic via OK Magazine

This ish is hot again.

P.S. You b's are lucky that I'm too old to wear overalls in this piece.


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If I Didn't Look Like a Manilla Folder When I'm a Blonde, I Would TOTALLY Do This

 Tampa peeps: This ish sounds amaze, so get all up on it.

I was contacted by a nice young man named Jameson Gardner, who is a beauty professional from LA currently working in Tampa at the salon in Saks 5th Avenue. He has worked for years in hair & makeup (at one time I was a resident makeup artist on American Idol). So, he pretty much sounds like a badass.

He is doing a service in the Tampa Saks 5th Avenue salon called "Back to Blonde," where he takes dark haired ladies to blonde IN ONE DAY! That ish cray. Here are the deets from him:

We do models on Mondays & Tuesdays.  As a model you are treated with the same luxury and premium service as full paying clients.  Guests are entitled to a cappuccino, complimentary scalp and hand massage and full style and blow dry.  We want our models to walk out of Saks 5th Avenue looking and feeling gorgeous.  We also want them to tell their friends how awesome the salon is.

The "Back to Blonde" service is time consuming (4-6 hours) so patience is appreciated.  A model must be willing to let us photograph them.  Their image may be used in our brochures and advertisements.  We are willing to perform the service on a naturally dark brunette but we prefer people with color treated hair.  There really aren't any limitations as far as the person's age, ethnicity or appearance.  All types are encouraged to apply.  It's the hair and the process we're most interested in.

The "Back to Blonde" modeling service cost $50.00.  Once it is listed on our menu it will have a starting retail price of $300.00.  The receptionists blocks me out Mondays & Tuesdays so for this service folks would have to book directly through my email.  Just have them send a picture to jamesongardner@gmail.com.

Our stylists are the best and we guarantee impeccable results.  But with color treated hair (especially people who have used box colors) the end results can be unpredictable.  Results may vary but we will never send anyone home looking bad.  Lastly all models MUST be willing to relax and let us lavish them with luxury. 

So any Tampa-area ladies that are interested in this boss deal, email Jameson at jamesongardner@gmail.com. And let me be jealous of your ass!


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Blogging Note: I'm Lazy, and Have Zero Creative Juices.

I'm in Miami right now, because my husband has this work conference deal, and I decided to go. I thought, I'll have time off from work, I can write; it will be perfect. So instead of blogging like a normal, responsible b would, this is what I'm doing:

Sitting at the hotel bar, drinking, and using free wifi, because I refuse to pay $15 for internet access in my room. I'll spend that $15 on 7 glasses of cheap drinks, thankyouverymuch. I would much rather awkwardly stare at a bunch of strangers and try to think of witty crappy to (not) write. So someone yell at me or something, and make me blog. My laziness is unstoppable!!!!



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True Blood Musings: Let My Eric Go!

Pic via Celeb Buzz

 This picture is obviously not from this week's True Blood, but let's all pretend that we're on a little lovers' vacay with Joe, okay? Plus, there was not NEARLY enough Alcide in this week's epi. Now let's dish...JUMP!

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