The WORST Back-To-School Commercial Your Eyes Have Ever Seen

I remember shopping for back-to-school shit being a stressful time. It was such a cluster eff of items to buy, and all you really gave two craps about was getting the best Lisa Frank folders. "So help me, if all of the damn unicorns folders are sold out and I'm stuck here looking at college rule composition notebooks..."

But one thing is for sure when it comes to this trying time of year -- if you need denim, at least four haircuts, backpacks, boots and pants, new shoes, or to get yourself an outfit, you're in luck. East Hills is your one-stop shop in this mofo, clearly. There is literally nowhere else you should even go if you live in St. Joseph, Missouri. I will not allow it.

This is a such a hodgepodge of hot messes that I can't even decipher the very worst part. Is it the Miley Cyrus-esque girl yelling at us about backpacks? The terrified child? The extremely lackluster performance of the boots and pants guy? The haircuts lady actually trying to get a record deal? Someone needs to check on the welfare of the outfit girl, because she looks as if she was coerced into performing with some kind of hostage situation.

I'm sorry, people in this commercial. None of you seem to be willing participants in this amazing piece of art. (Except haircuts.) And I'm sorry for ruining your life by thrusting this upon your senses, anyone reading this.

Good evening to you.

via gawker


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If I Didn't Look Like a Manilla Folder When I'm a Blonde, I Would TOTALLY Do This

 Tampa peeps: This ish sounds amaze, so get all up on it.

I was contacted by a nice young man named Jameson Gardner, who is a beauty professional from LA currently working in Tampa at the salon in Saks 5th Avenue. He has worked for years in hair & makeup (at one time I was a resident makeup artist on American Idol). So, he pretty much sounds like a badass.

He is doing a service in the Tampa Saks 5th Avenue salon called "Back to Blonde," where he takes dark haired ladies to blonde IN ONE DAY! That ish cray. Here are the deets from him:

We do models on Mondays & Tuesdays.  As a model you are treated with the same luxury and premium service as full paying clients.  Guests are entitled to a cappuccino, complimentary scalp and hand massage and full style and blow dry.  We want our models to walk out of Saks 5th Avenue looking and feeling gorgeous.  We also want them to tell their friends how awesome the salon is.

The "Back to Blonde" service is time consuming (4-6 hours) so patience is appreciated.  A model must be willing to let us photograph them.  Their image may be used in our brochures and advertisements.  We are willing to perform the service on a naturally dark brunette but we prefer people with color treated hair.  There really aren't any limitations as far as the person's age, ethnicity or appearance.  All types are encouraged to apply.  It's the hair and the process we're most interested in.

The "Back to Blonde" modeling service cost $50.00.  Once it is listed on our menu it will have a starting retail price of $300.00.  The receptionists blocks me out Mondays & Tuesdays so for this service folks would have to book directly through my email.  Just have them send a picture to jamesongardner@gmail.com.

Our stylists are the best and we guarantee impeccable results.  But with color treated hair (especially people who have used box colors) the end results can be unpredictable.  Results may vary but we will never send anyone home looking bad.  Lastly all models MUST be willing to relax and let us lavish them with luxury. 

So any Tampa-area ladies that are interested in this boss deal, email Jameson at jamesongardner@gmail.com. And let me be jealous of your ass!


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