7 Times Tonya Harding Was Your Unconventional Beauty Muse

Whoever created this photo deserves at least one of Nancy Kerrigan's medals. (Too soon?)

Here's a true fact for your ass: I'm a low-key stan for Tonya Harding. Her story is just so crazy over-the-top that you can't help but semi-fall in love with her. She has some kind of Amy Fisher/Pamela Smart xtra-lite appeal to her that I can't explain with actual words that make sense. But just know that she lives in my heart.

(P.S. If you haven't watched it, go watch that ESPN doc on the whole Harding/Kerrigan deal. It's amazing. You know it has to be if I just recommended something from ESPN.)

My favorite thing about T Hard is her whole vibe and style. This is a woman with beauty MOMENTS. Here are my favorite times.

When She Had Those Bangs.

If you never had bangs that looked like fledgling sparrows were nesting in them, your ass didn't have BANGS. Pair them with white eyeshadow and you've got yourself a solid, solid look.

And That Scrunchie.

Tonya was like the kaweeen of scrunchies. Her (imagined) hair routine was like: blow dry with one of those tiny Conair dryers that get up to 989852093845 degrees while brushing through your perm, do bangs, slick back into tight ponytail with a handful of LA Looks gel, tie hair back with a giant (preferably velvet) scrunchie, and call that shit a day. Flawless.

And Also That Scrunchie. (With an Assist From That Blush.)

I told you -- queen of scrunchies.

AND THIS EXTREMELY EARLY FRENCH BRAID THAT'S SO EARLY, IT STARTED BEFORE THE CIVIL WAR BEGAN.

Signs that you aren't effing around with your French braid: it starts at your eyebrows.

And This One Eyebrow.

Speaking of brows, this is a natural one. Hey dude, it's been a minute since I've seen one of you.

And This Eyeliner.

The Hard learned she was a "Spring" skin tone and went to MF-ing town with that blue eyeliner. Went to all the towns. She was so pleased, that she let Nancy borrow one of the royal scrunchies.

AND LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THIS KODAK MOMENT. 

I dare you to find one single thing that isn't perfect about this. I DARE YOU. This should hang in the Louvre.

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Jamie Foxx Did A Weird Rendition Of The National Anthem This Weekend

Come with me on a short, non-magical mystery tour of Jamie Foxx (most '90s pseudonym ever, that's still in use) singing the National Anthem at that boxing thing this weekend. I say "boxing thing," because I didn't watch that shit. It's sports, which I avoid more than trips to the gynecologist.

You probably watched it. I feel like a lot of people did. But, did you truly absorb this performance of "The Star-Spangled Banner," or were you too effed up on Tostitos Scoops? I mean, it's not horrible. We don't have a Rosanne situation here. And I'm no singing expert...

but this just feels like so lounge singer-y. Listen, I loved "Blame It" and "Unpredictable" as much as the next annoying white girl in their 20s at the time, but why did this even happen? Was Mariah not available? Or even Mariah lite, I mean, Ariana Grande? Or even Eddie Murphy as Randy Watson? Give me something to work with, man.

On the positive side, please believe I'm going to start ending all of my sentences with "fallelujah -- deep pause -- hallelu..."

P.S. Someone please tell what the shit this jacket was all about. NO ZIPPER NEEDS TO BE THAT LARGE, SIR. So many pleather animals died to make that atrocity. RIP to all the plocodiles and plythons on the planet.

video via vulture Pin It

LEAVE JUSTIN BIEBER ALONE! HE JUST WANTS TO WATCH THE SPORTS LIKE A REGULAR!

HAHAHAHA. No, he doesn't. He wants to be a super pain in the ass, duh squared.

Oh, Biebs. When will you stop with this tom foolery? YOU AREN'T EVEN PRETENDING TO ENJOY YOURSELF. If you are going to bring a police officer and a giant bodyguard (where the eff is Kevin Costner?!?) to a basketball game, and be a total c block of people actually being able to watch said game, the least you can do it put on a fake ass smile and pretend your silly ass wants to be there. Kind of like what I have to do when one of your songs come on. It's just polite.

Now, let's talk about whose 1998 tricked out Camaro seats you had to skin to get that shirt. SOMEBODY loves tigers, you guys. That tattoo is about to bite off your areola, boo. I won't even mention that stone-washed hat, because I can't even see it. It's dead to me.

We're done here. I couldn't even fully enjoy looking at this picture of David Beckham, who was also there.

Okay, yes, I could. What a relief. My eyeballs aren't broken.



all pics via daily mail


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In Case You Were Wondering, Alexander Skarsgard is Still a Hot B*tch

Ali Cat was at a Lakers game, or some boring sports-related ish, last night. And you can rest your damn weary, downtrodden mind (and eyeballs) because A Skar Skar is still hot as eff.

Why so serious, boo? Psshaw, like I a give a damn. Your broody, cold demeanor is half the reason I love your ass.

He's drinking beer (So American!) with a European football shirt on (So Exotic!) with his legs firmly crossed (So European!). But furrreal, why don't American dudes cross their legs like this? 'Merica.

And let's just pretend that this is some kind of sexual reenactment of some sort. A b can dream, right? Keep that hot flowing, Xander. Keep that sh*t up. Only three months until True Blood, and I can straight stalk your ass.

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My Child-Sized Spirit Animal Lives in My Town, and I Had No Idea

Apparently this little boy's stage name is "Little Fear," and he has been dancing with the Tampa Bay Buc's cheerleaders this season. My ass hates sports, so I was left completely unaware that there was a little dude that lives in my area that can werk it like a mofo. I've never been so jealous of a young boy.

 Okay, so maybe this is is a close second.



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Feast Your Eyes Moment: Jon Hamm is Sporty Spice

Jon Hamm was obvi playing baseball for some reason or another, that I really can't be bothered with to research. I just know that Don Draper is a hot, hot b.

Speaking of Jon Hamm, if you missed the live epi of 30 Rock this season, watch this ish. Then, you can thank my ass.




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