I have to be honest. I have no MF-ing clue what happened last season, because I'm a serious old and watch way too much TV, but apparently we ended on an insane note.
Everyone is SUPER stabby and filled with Hep V, I guess. Okay, here comes the break so we don't spoil, so click through for to talk about the beginning of the end of this hot ass mess.
And then someone blows one of those high-pitched dog whistles, or something, and all of the vamps are gone.
Then everybody finds Tara's shitty mom and she says Tara's dead, and all we have are memories of her shoulder perfection.
LaLa chooses a page right out of my book of "How to Deal With Emergencies (or Anything)."
Then this douche nozzle is all, "You're a dog," to Sam. And I'm all, "Why is this show literally so GD dark?" Then Sam reminds me that he's the mayor. Did I even know that?
Meanwhile, everyone was thinking thoughts about how whore-y and blame-y Sookie is, so homegirl blew that joint. And it's somehow EVEN DARKER.
Double meanwhile, Pam is playing Russian Roulette at this bangin' far off party. Because, you know, she a bad bitch.
I abjure Alcide's haircut.
Is Jason's Southern accent getting worse, or am I just forgetting how Southern accents work?
Where can I get LaLa's elaborate ass wall sconce deal? A Liberace rip-off yard sale? Sign me up.
Pam is on the hunt for Eric (GET IN LINE, PAM.) and gets this super-helpful map. Use google maps, P. It's not the ancient whorehouse times anymore.
SERIOUSLY, WITH THIS FRIGGIN' GUY. What a leader of a rag tag bunch of douche amateurs.
If this is the path that Sook's brows are taking this season, we've got some mighty weird fish to fry.
Next week: We haven't seen the end of ol' douche face, world's most annoying grass roots organizer.
What did you guys think? Are you even still watching this shit? How did you feel about the premiere?