Monday, June 30, 2014

True Blood Musings: Bored To Death

Here we are. Another week, another TB episode down in the FINAL COUNTDOWN.

This week we open on an Eric/Jason vignette, that I won't immediately spoil, so jump and we'll talk about this scene and all the trimmings. Meet you at the crossroads.

As soon as this cub/daddy bear scene started, I figured it for a dream. True Blood wouldn't present Eric without such little dramatic flair in sans-Nordic sexpot times like these. Sadly, I could hardly even focus on the singular sex times served up to us on a platter for the entire episode. My brain was just like, "JASON IS SUCH A TINY LITTLE ELFIN MAN."

Let's move on.

Just as I suspected, it's just a pesky church sex dream. Yawn.

On the long list of bitches I trust, you'll never be on it, Tara's mom.

Sook waxes philosophical on "the brutal indifference of life," and I just want her hair to get its shit together.

Yep, LaLa's not buying LM's nonsense, either. Maybe if her wig was more up-to-date?

The costume department straight cleared out an Old Navy ringer tee/lightweight sweatshirt/denim vest BOGO event for this scene.

Arlene is going to save the world in the chartreuse version of that Charlotte Russe dress that we all had in '08. Good luck, homie.

In a flashback, we get to reminisce about just how terrible Borning Ass Bill's hair used to be. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?

P.S. We learn, through the diary, that this was all supposed to take place in 2011. Uhhhhhh...why?

Yep, Lettie Mae found her new go go juice. LaLa called a spade a spade.

There goes that plan. All of that coochie-adjacent blood is just wasted.

Finally. He's back, looks like shit, and is dying. Thanks, True Blood. You're the sexy, good-time ruiner.

Next week: SOMEBODY BETTER MF-ING WAKE UP MY LALA. He's the only reason I'm still hanging on to this massive pile of nonsense.

Am I just being a musty old bitch, or is this season moving slower than Jason's brainwaves? It's like Bill's blah personality somehow leeched the charisma from every damn person on this show. I'm bored.

Tell me how you feel about all of this in the comments, wodies.

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