Why I'm Trash, I've Always Been Trash, And The Saddest Part Is That I Know: Perfume Edition

I really just wanted an excuse to loosely quote this skit from Jennifer Lawrence on SNL, because I feel like this character is my soul twin, and I need to go get an application from this fictional diner. It's the only career success that I could ever hope to have.

pink sugar perfume (sephora, $20-$60)

But here's the real reason that I'm trash. I love Aquolina's Pink Sugar perfume. Now, I'm not saying that this perfume is inherently trashy, but it's also loved by my favorite teenaged hot ass mess, Courtney Stodden.

Sh*t smells like straight up cotton candy, which is probably not ENTIRELY appropriate for a person in their 30's, AKA me. Unless you operate a cotton candy machine, then it's totally appropriate. And, also, I want your job. But if you love to smell like sweetness and sugar, then this ish is totally up your alley, and that alley leads straight to Candy Land. If musky musk is more your deal, than I suggest you pass go, and try Monopoly-inspired fragrances, if that exists. I hope it does. And I hope it smells like monocles.

 

Pin It

Random Homie: Ralph Lauren Big Pony (Whaaa?) Women's Collection #2 Perfume

sephora, $19-$70

Perfume is friggin' weird, iddnit? (Copyright: Ursula the sea witch) There is a scent to every way you ever want to feel. I have perfume that I wear when I want to be a slightly dirty, yet expensive gothy lady of the night, when I want to be a sweet, innocent fairy person (or Courtney Stodden), and I have this stuff. I got this pony as part of the Best of Beauty Swag, and had zero idea of the name until just now. BIG PONY COLLECTION??? Now I like this ish even more. I like this on a day where I want to pretend that I am a fancy, preppy lady that inherited her great grandmama's pearl necklace. (You don't know how badly I have to refrain from making wildly inappropriate jokes right now. Deep breaths...)

This perfume smells sweet, clean, and fresh. Like a sunny Summer's (not eve) day. I feel more clean when I spray it, even if my lazy ass hasn't happened to have showered. (Hey, that ish happens when you're LAZEEE 4 LYFE, and sometimes quite frequently. Judge away, I'll just be spraying my Big Pony over here.) Bottom line, I want to ride this pony.



Sorry. I would be COMPLETELY remiss if I didn't go there. Good God, where is Ginuwine?

P.S. Now that I'm older, I totally appreciate the fact that Ginuwine actually misspelled genuine so that he could have "wine" in his name.

P.P.S. THIS.





Pin It

Weirdest Beauty Review to Write...

It's no secret up in these parts that I am a True Blood fan. So I was super excited when HSN sent me their fragrance inspired by True Blood, Forsaken, to try. But here's the rub: How the eff do you even review a perfume? Like how can I describe a smell to you? I don't know ish about "fragrance notes" or whatever. I feel like that's something that a sommelier or something would know about. Or maybe Heather from the Real Housewives of OC. She's fancy.

See, I don't even know what the hell bergamot is. Sigh.

So, let me give my amateurish, I-wore-Sunflowers-for-a-long-ass-time review. It smells really good. Okay, see you guys later! No. It has a slightly muskier, darker, sexy vanilla-ish smell. It smells like a sexy vampire. Like how Pam might smell, for instance. Like "I might devour you, or I might let you live." I'm totally into it. Like this:

Minus the Herve Leger dress, plus vanilla. The entire True Blood collection is available for purchase only on HSN August 9th. You can see for your self what this potion smells of. Or Heather, help me.






Pin It