This Man Is Your Life Inspo Set To Music

Is this your favorite use of green screen in the history of technology? Why am I even asking, of course it is. Stick it up your ass, Great Gatsby (the movie), there's a new green screen cowboy in green screen town.

This is TV John, and he's your new boyfriend. He also needs someone to turn his vocals way up. And because you are now borderline obsessed with TV John and TV John's life, here is TV John's cable access TV show. Thank you for existing, Reddit, just for finding rare and majestic gems like TV John.

What do you think TV John is doing right now? Maybe he's shopping on Amazon Prime for tube socks.

Or picking up a few new tops at Tommy Bahama.

Or just flying and shit.

TV John for president! (Of your dad's book club.)



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Hide Your Lady Flowers, Robin Thicke Is Back On The Prowl

I hate everything about this picture. You need to know that.

According to Page Six, Master Thicke (many dry heaves abound) threw himself an endlessly classy Divorce Party last Friday, where ". . . he was in great spirits, and put on a mix of music including pop, hip-hop, older stuff from the ’90s and soul. Everyone was dancing until past 3 a.m." Thanks for the playlist and sched, anonymous source of boring. Also, using the phrase "older stuff from the '90s" is troubling to my brain.

But that's not all. LEONARDO MF-ING DICAPRIO was there to assist in the popping of the bottles and whatever-ing of the models. He was probably blowing vapor ciggie smoke all up in that bitch. And you KNOW that Leo wore that damn hat. He had to. The dress code was douche casual.

Whatever, Robin. Slang that thang all over the globe and see if we care. We're all collectively too busy for your shit with preparing our Halloween costumes. I've already called being this kid, so everyone else can get off his jock, that costume is officially taken. I WROTE IT ON THE SIGN-UP SHEET.







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Happy (Almost) Friday, Here's A Video Of Me At A Party

I really needed to share this video just in case you ever invite me to do something. If I come (which I really won't), this is exactly what I will do the ENTIRE TIME. I'm the worst kind of person.

All I need in this life of sin is me and this dog friend. Ride or die to the very end, just me and this dog friend. (Me and this dog friend.)



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Justin Bieber Goes To A Diddy Party, Is The Only Topless One In The Room.

pic via yahoo celebrity

I love this picture so much, I want to marry it. It's like a Highlights Magazine's hidden pictures of pure delight. What exactly are your eyeballs gazing upon, you ask? It's good ol' baby Bieber with his tits out for the boys at some party that Diddy was throwing for himself last night in Atlanta, of course.

There are a few reasons that I can't wait to make this my screensaver, if screensaver pictures still existed. (Holla, '00s!) First of all, the current temperature in Atlanta is a balmy 39 degrees. Notice how everyone else is properly clothed in actual fabrics, with some people even wearing things such as jackets, as people tend to do when temperatures are in the lower range.

But the best of the best thing about this amazing piece of photographic art? Besides the seemingly jovial Rick Ross, and maybe Diddy, EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE HAVING A TERRIBLE TIME. Like, if you told me that all of these people were on their way to the gynecologist for a Groupon pap-smear with a speculum straight from the grocer's freezer, I would totally believe your ass. This looks like an authentically terrible time to be had all around.

What happened right before this picture was taken to induce this grump-fest? This?

 
Is this what happened to Bieber's shirt 30 seconds before?

These are the only logical explanations.




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