Reason Number 3,483,983 That Judge Judy is My Boo Thang

pic via huffingtonpost

I am completely and utterly into Judge Judith Scheindlin. She's the sassiest b that ever b-ed, and I cannot get enough of her. But apparently, I'm a terrible stalker, because I MISSED HER 70TH EFFING BIRTHDAY. It was in October, and she shared some of her B-day festivus photos on that Katie show. And here her Honor is, in a BIKINI, like a mofo boss. And guess what? B looks guuuurd. JJ says she keeps the sexy strong with diet and exercise. Oh, please. You know she burns 99% of her calories with sass alone.

via mrhankey

Werk, JJ.



And cheeseballs.




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I Hate Everything: To Infinity and Beyond!

Hey guys. I'm just sitting here (no doy) typing away, and I have to get 50 layers of sexy wrapped up in a 40 year old woman's body shoved in my face. Thanks, Brooke Burke.

pic via brooke's twitter

pic via brooke's twitter

Seriously, that's a hot b. I can only take solace in the fact that she wearing a scrunchie in a non-ironic way. But it's probably so her hair won't get damaged. Damn. I have roughly nine years to get my body looking this guuuurd. I bet BB didn't eat rice and chocolate for dinner. AFKLSFHJLFH.

P.S. She also has four kids (or something, I'm not googling that mess). I might as well hang it up.



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Breaking News: Hot People Wear Bikinis, Look Hot.

Duh, everyone in the world is a the beach right now. So a plethora of celebrities have either tweeted pictures of themselves or been photographed in bikinis. I, on the other hand, have been alternating between working my retail job and eating a sh*tload of pastries. I'm pretty disgusting.

First up, Heidi Klum tweeted this picture of herself:

Yeah, she looks so gross. Cover that mess up. JK. She looks super hot. Sigh.

Also coming from her own tweet, here's Britney Spears and her young'ns:

Lookin' good, Brit-a-saurus Rex! And it's nice that you gave your hair stylist the holiday off. Sweet.

Next up, in the super posing for photogs category, is Aubrey O'Day. Girlfriend is letting those cheeks fly high on the 4th of Juuuu-ly, honey:

Pic via Daily Mail

Next we have double the hotness with Nicole Sheroiweuroewhatever (I'm not googling that) and Krysten Ritter:

Pic via Huffington Post

Wow, that amazing beach doesn't look NEARLY as fun as me eating potato chips right now. But you know what?

That's Tina Fey's kid, and I want to adopt her. Did you guys do anything fun this week/weekend? Make my ass ever more jealous, please.



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