Sunday, October 11, 2015

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm...I Want To Vomit

Sometimes in life, you feel things. Sometimes those things are like, "This is okay, I guess." Other times it's like, "This is not really okay, and I kind of want to barf." These are those times.

That No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom album came out 20 GD YEARS AGO. 

That's two decades (which are comprised of ten years apiece), if you need help. This album would be in her junior year of college, working toward a degree in International Business. TWENTY YEARS OLD.

Vom Level: Like 2. It's disconcerting, but eat a Werther's flavored Tums and you'll be fine, you old-ass.

These ridiculous MF-ers. 

Why does a one-sized shirt with the texture of crumpled, pointy tissue paper need to exist on this planet? Also, when they sell shirts in Walgreens, you know that shit is done.

Vom Level: Let's call it a 3. Remembering the feeling of this fabric on my skin gives me the creeps.

How many bugs that are probably in food. 

I think about this a lot and I'm always like:

Vom Level: A solid 8. Bugs need to get the hell out of my mouth for any and all reasons.

Hearing other people eat at the movie theater. 

The sound of other people's chewing and swallowing and rustling around of wrappers and shit is disgusting torture to me. I need to live in an isolation chamber to get through life.

Vom Level: To me, 7. To the rest of the universe, probably a -56.

Bieb's Bieb-O-Ween.

If "Justin's little Bieber" doesn't make you never want to eat a delicious gas station hot dog ever again, I don't even know you.

Vom Level: Obvious 10. Not feeling so hot now, are you, champ?

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