The "What's It Like?" Chronicles: Botox Edition

Listen, I know that (ideally) I should be all, "Everyone be natural! Don't wear makeup or get cosmetic surgery! That's all for the birds!" (What the eff does that mean, anyway?) But that ain't me, babe. No, no, no. It ain't me, babe. (Sorry, just a little Johnny Cash break.)

I LIKE to have fake stuff. I know, it's not the best attitude to have. And I wish I wasn't this way! I'm horrible; what can I say? I've had plastic surgery (more on that another time), I like to use crap like Latisse and wear fake eyelashes, and fake hair...And I've had Botox. Twice!

Could have used a needle poke, non?

You see, my 'regular face' kind of looks like a 'b face' and I scowl a lot. I'm a real peach, obvs. And I have to say, that I really liked not having wrinkles in my forehead. Is it vain? Yes. But, whatevs. It is what it is. (I'm dying to get more, BTW.)

So what's it like to get your face stuck with needles full of paralyzing fluids??? It ain't that bad, b's! Here's the realness:

• It doesn't really hurt, not badly, anyway. It's just a little stick, not nearly as bad as getting a shot. The weirdest part is when the needle goes through your skin, it makes a 'crunching' sound. I'm not a scientist, I don't know why. It's creepy.
• It doesn't work immediately; it takes a day or two to really take effect.
• You don't get as many headaches for some reason. (Can you tell I really am up on my facts??? Sigh. I am perhaps THE worst.)
• It lasts about three months or so. 

I won't pretend like it's all kittens pooping Skittle rainbows. I have seen some people looking jacked up from Botox mess ups. Droopy eyes, frozen faces, the whole deal. So do proceed with caution, and pick a good and trustworthy doc if this is the frown-less road on which you would like to proceed.

And to all of the women out there that don't give two effs about getting wrinkles and ish, I have mad, mad respect for you. I wish I liked myself as much, trust! But until then, I'm trying to get my face to look permanently like this:

Minus those eye bags, of course. Come on, girl. Get that ish tight.


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