Pictures to Peruse While Listening to Jock Jams

Ugh. Remember this disgustingness?

That's a badass b rollin' deep right there.

Oh, No Fear shirts. Never have charm and trash collided in such a way.

Does this even need a caption?

I had this exact crimper. Y'all ready for this?

I had these shoes, too. Flawless. Thanks, Spice Girls.

Get that Guts agrocrag, honey.

Please tell me you guys remember Pumps. Why the eff do we need air to tighten the shoes, again???

Okay, so you should probably listen to grunge for this, but tell me you don't want that earring.

Seriously, why?

Who loves sweaty feet with dirt particles stuck to them?

I once cried because of this show. I was 15.

This is way after Jock Jams, but exactly WHAT THE EFF IS THIS?

Pin It

Color My Ass Surprised -- Victoria's Secret Eyeliner Is the Business.

pic via victorias secret

It's no SECRET (Ugh. I hate myself. I am THE WORST.) that I love liquid eyeliner. It's the fastest way to give an old tired, haggard face a polished look. And trust me, I'm a haggard ass b like 97.4% of the time, so I'm pretty much an expert in these things. I have been using my original gangsta' liquid liner, Lancome Artliner -- which I love -- for a very, very long time. Anytime I ever stray from that mess, I always sorely disappointed. But, the good peeps over at VS sent me this Graphic Liner Pen ($13) to try, so I thought what the eff. I had super lowered expectations:

My only experience with VS beauty products have been those squeeze lip glosses that they have by the register in the stores, which I have made my b*tch on many occasions -- don't get me wrong. I found the pen SUPER easy to use, and it made a very crisp line on the eye, that could also make a thin line. I effin' HATE liquid liners that get all thick and crazy. Stop making those, cosmetics people. They suck! Here's a little doodling on my hand to show you the deal.

 See? Thin and manageable, unlike my ass. Yikes! I will also give this stuff credit, because I wore it to an outdoor hippie concert where it rained all over my face, and it didn't run. I even have a fuzzy picture to prove it.

I only partially look like the scary w (Can you call a ghost child a w?) from The Ring. Bottom line? Into it.


Pin It

Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure

You guys are going to hate my ass, but I am having a total Ke$$$$$$ha moment lately. Her new song is totally ear wigging the hell out of my brain, so I came up with some ways to get all Kesha-ed out, without actually rubbing dirt (and possible body fluids) on yourself. Read my tips over on the Allure blog.


Pin It

This Is Really Happening.

pic via la gear

Hot damn, you guys. Do you know what those little puppies up there are? They are the re-launched LA MOTHER EFFING LIGHTS SHOES. These exist, and I'm so friggin' excited. I had LA Lights the first time around, and they were (obviously) my jam. I mean, a shoe that lights up at you walk is totally appropriate for a woman in her 30's, right? I feel like Jem (or maybe the Misfits) just drove her van over a rainbow made from Rainbow Brite dolls to deliver these to me. Go check out the badass color selection (and be fresh to death, if you want, and buy a pair) here. Can we do this, people? Or am I being even more insane than normal?



Pin It

It's Just Getting to Be Too Much. (AKA The New Christina Aguilera Video)

I think that the time has come to give up the shenanigans. I am not saying that Aggy is old. We are the same effing age. So, with complete empathy and understanding I say to you, dear lady -- isn't is time to stop faux beej-ing/killing dudes with your sex in bathrooms? Listen, I dress myself like a confused five year old that idolizes Russell Brand, so I totally get it. Being in your 30's is hard. But when you are almost old enough to run for President, it might be time to stop wearing dresses that you buy in a ziploc bag from the adult novelty store. We're getting old, boo boo. And that's why...

pic via mr hankey

Pin It

Get Yo' Beauty Blogger Box On

pic via soap.com

Allure is teaming up with Revlon to sell the Beauty Blogger Box, which contains all of the favorite products from our Revlon video challenge. The best part is that $5 of each sale goes to the Look Good Feel Better cause, which helps women with cancer. Here's what's included in the box:

• 1 Revlon Colorstay 16 Hour Eye Shadow Quad 500-Addictive
• 1 Revlon Revlon Photoready Sculpting Blush Palette-001-Pink
• 1 Revlon Revlon Photoready Perfecting Primer
• 1 Revlon Photoready 3D Volume Mascara 002-Black
• 1 Revlon Colorburst Lipgloss Peony-008 

The eyeshadow quad is my favorite color of them all; it's ridiculously versatile. And the sculpting blush palette is badass. The only thing I haven't tried in the box is the primer, because we all know that I am grossly oily. You can purchase the box here, for $49.95. And if you want to see the video I did with these products -- and how to get multiple uses from them -- check it out here.


Pin It

Uh Huh, This My Ish. (Hollaback Girl)

I'm a bit (a lot) of a product w when it comes to haircare products. I can pretty much never, ever stick with one shampoo and conditioner combo. I like to have a Great Wall of China in my shower -- you get the idea. But I was forced to pare down my army of products and bring only one of each because I am traveling right now. (Why is life so effing hard?!?!) I have a sudden epiphany, you guys. I totally have a favorite shampoo and conditioner, and I didn't even realize it.

Alterna Caviar Anti-Aging Shampoo & Conditioner

This stuff is my total ish right now. While I was packing, it came to me that I have really only been using my Alterna Anti-Aging Seasilk Moisturizing Shampoo and Conditioner. The Alterna peeps sent this to me a while back to try, and I immediately added it to my all star shower lineup. I have been an Alterna fan for several years, starting with the Life line. That was my hardcore jam for a hot, hot minute.

I was worried that my hair would be weighed down or greasy with this combo, because my scalp is an effing oil rig, but they are very light. I've been using them/loving them more and more. I will totally be buying these puppies when I run out.

Now I have to go because I am typing this in the car somewhere in rural Georgia, and if I don't stop I will be vomiting at any moment. You are welcome for ending on that imagery. Sorry. Think about unicorns jumping over rainbows with koala bears in bow ties riding on their backs.

Pin It