Your New Ringtone: "Bubblegum," The Weekend Jam Of Your Dreams

Are you v, v into bubblegum? That's a promising start. What's your particular poison? Straw-bury? Cola? Or are you not super picky, and are just more concerned with "poping" bubbles on the street?

Regardless of your preferences, this 2010-Bieber-haired youngster has you covered.

Maybe I'm just an old, but I don't really understand what this song it all about. "Don't eat me, or I might get stuck," this young boy croons, with legs akimbo and stationary arms. So he is the metaphorical bubblegum? Okay. Is this all a weird metaphor? What is life?

Then we have this sweet little barrette-d child (Roseanne, I presume?), who is all:

"I crave the gum, it makes me feel alive." Uh, what? Is this a Hunter S. Thompson book or a kids' music video? She then holds up a finger gun. This shit is getting dark.

Kids today, I don't understand you.

I need a Saltine, a Werther's, and a nap.




via reddit

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'Scuse Me? News: Eva Mendes Is SEVEN MF-ING MONTHS PREGNANT

Remember Eva Mendes?

Remember when she and Ryan Gosling were a thing, and we were all, "Ugh, but I get it, they're both super hot and have hair perfection on lockdown?"

Except for the tight-rolling pants over a boot deal. Stop trying to make that a thing, Ry. It's not.

Then remember when everyone was like, "Those two sexy ass mofos broke up. No one has seen them together in 34974298 years!" And we all breathed a sigh of relief and waited for a telegram from RG saying that he was sending one of those Cinderella pumpkin carriages to pick us up and bring us forth to him?

Well, get ready to order an extra body pillow with the Gosling pillowcase upgrade for backup, because Us Weekly is saying that homegirl is all the way knocked up. And not even like just-peed-on-the-stick-thingy-five-minutes-ago pregnant. Seven months pregnant. Like, that puppy is close to being pooped out, pregnant. (Isn't that how babies are born?)

Luckily for you, I got this EXCLUSIVE picture of the baby that they're probably having. I know, I know. This is HUGE. Screw you, People magazine. You ain't got nothing on my exclusives.

What do you guys think, is Eva Mendes PREGNANT pregnant? Or is she just pregnant with a case of the b-faces, as per usual?

UPDATE: It's true! It's all effing true.

 
And it's all People's fault.

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