I Make Hot (That's Up to Your Judgement) Hoes Look Awkard: True Blood Edition

True Blood is back tomorrow, b's! And if you have been a reader of this blog for a while, you know I LIVE for this ish. I will be doing my dumbass True Blood recaps again, so get ready to hate on that mess.

In honor of all of the hot sessiness that makes up the True Blood lineup, I have scoured the interwebs via my AOL dial-up connection ("Mom! Don't pick up the phone! I'm in a chat room!") to find the most awkward pictures I can find of those hot, hot w's.

First up, Eric. Or Alexander Skarsgard, if you want to be all technical and ish. Today's Skarsy is a tall parfait of Nordic fro-yo sexiness, but check this out:

Did he have a former career as a Nick Carter impersonator? Is that a skinny pink belt in the picture on the right? Are those a pink pair of women's Izod pants on the right?

Next is the rugged hotness that is Alcide. Joe Manganiello is like a bear skin rug made of muscles, slightly dirty hair, and abs now, but here he is in high school:

Pic via Celeb Buzz

Okay, he's still pretty hot. (He's probably 18 in this picture -- Right? Don't call Chris Hansen.)

The new edition (Sit down, Bobby Brown, I wasn't talking about your ass.) to the show is Chris Meloni as some HBIC. I've always thought Chris was sprinkled with a special sauce of gruff and sexy. But here he is roughly 93842048 years ago:

Was he on Eight is Enough? Or is that just my mom's haircut from circa 1981? I would post a picture of that mess, but I'm sure she doesn't want to be associated with my ass.

And just for a little more awkwardness:

I don't know what this is, but it is just a whole big ol' bag of wrong that has been done to this man.

Jason Stackhouse, or Ryan Kwanten if you must, is a ripped little elf. But there are some unfortunate pictures of this hot little man. Exhibit A:

What exactly is this? (Besides awkward?)

And this is just shades of 98 Degrees of no.

Sam (on TB  and birth certificate) is a little take it or leave for me in the man department, but maybe some of you have a thing for him. I personally think he body doubles for Britney Spears' boyfriend, but whatevs.

Anyway, here he is hopefully in a modern day interpretation of Tom Sawyer. Starring a big ass red steering wheel and taking place in a bamboo jungle.

Sigh. I guess I have to mention my nemesis, Bill. I'm sure some people like stiff, wooden dudes. (Don't be gross.)

Seriously, did Stephen Moyer have a face (and hair) transplant with Chris Isaak? That ish cray.

And I can't leave out Andy Bellefleur. I know it's not conventional, but I find Sheriff Andy attractive for some reason. Don't judge me, Bill lovers!

Andy's driver's license reads "Chris Bauer," so that's what I googled to find weird pictures of Sheriff Andy. This is what I found:

Obvs (hopefully), this is a different Chris Bauer. Yet, still just as sexual. (Scruffy, watery eyed gingers need love, too!)

Here's a picture of the "real" Chris Bauer, looking like a real Baberaham Lincoln. (Thanks, Wayne's World for all of my comedic lines.)

Okay, I'm finished humiliating hot dudes. I'm like a boring, unsexy, virtual dominatrix.

See! Celebrities are just like us! (No they aren't.) They have horrible, awkward pictures from their past, too! (Regular people's -- like us -- are much, much worse.) Now let's all tune in tomorrow and catch the current hotness of the True Blood cast to wash this gross taste from our mouths.


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