To Be Filed Under: How Do I Apply For This Job? (AKA Watch Justin Bieber Get Egged In Slow Mo)

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Oh, to be a skillful egg tosser.

Comedy Central just released a promo for its March 30th roast of the world's most hated* toddler, Justin Bieber, and it's quite the fun romp. If you're an egg. Or an oiled up, thin, boy chest.

Also, I'm off omelets for a while.**


*by me
**no, I'm not


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Jude Law Auditions For Yesterday's "Tits Out For The Boys Tuesday," Doesn't Quite Make The Topless Cut

I know you're all, "It's Wednesday, ya' dumb dumb," right now, because I'm talking TOFTBT on a non-Tuesday...day. But I couldn't let these photos of Jude Law's teddy bear moobs just wander by my eyeballs without comment. That ain't me, babe. And I was going to post these last night, but then I drank a glass of wine and got a case of "forgot to do shits." Whatever, let's see more skin.

Ugh, Jude is such a dude. He doesn't even know how to squeeze citrus/bend over in a slutty top without showing off all the cookies.

A few general observations here:

1. I would wear this entire outfit.
2. It's kind of adorable that he wanted to wear his brand new freakum tee to shop for produce. (Look at the sharpness of that sleeve pleat. This top is fresh out the shopping bag.)
3. Is he doing the "use your arms to push your tatas together" trick in the last picture? DOES HE KNOW ALL OF OUR LADY SECRETS?

Sorry, Jude. You just barely missed out on TOFTBT. If only that deep ass v was a little deeper. Better luck next time!

I'm still using the gif. I can't NOT.


all Jude pics via buzzfeed


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GUUUUUURL Of The Day (And Also) Tits Out For The Boys Tuesday: Nick Cannon's Dumb Effing Hair (Topless)

Nick Cannon is really annoying me, you guys. He's one of those people that I have never really gotten on board with comedy-wise, acting-wise, music-wise, or anything else-wise, so I just kind of overlook him. Like the cheese daily serving section of the food pyramid. (GD-it, I love cheese.)

BUT THIS BULLSHIT CANNOT BE IGNORED, AND I'M IRRITATED. What kind of nonsense is Nick Cannon trying to pull on his head area here? I am not exaggerating when I say that my raver friend did this to his hair in the late 90s. Dude is 15 years late and a box of chocolate brown hair dye short. Please do yourself a disservice and look at this pic from US Weekly of him showing off his dumb hair. This is ridiculous.

At least he had the common decency to take his damn top off in the second Instagram pic. Not all is lost I guess, because I get to be extra super lazy and combine two posts into one.

Congratulations, Mr. Cannon-Carey. You're the Tits Out For The Boys Tuesday recipient, so there's...that. I need to go eat cheese.




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Tits Out For The Boys Tuesday: Bieber Edition

The word on the street (yes, I just watched Real Housewives of New York) is that Biebs might be the future bod (gross) of Calvin Klein underwear, or maybe he just wants to be. For one of those possible reasons unknown to good damn common sense, he posted these pictures of himself topless as a newborn baby today on his Instagram account.

via jb's instagram

Listen, JB. I know you just got out of Grade 7 (he's Canadian) science lab, or whatever, but this is what a Calvin Klein underwear model looks like.

Now that your eyeballs have soaked all of this up, you can take 5-7 seats, Baby Bieb Bieb. But all is not lost. You have landed the 2,398,403,280 place runner's up gig: TITS OUT FOR THE BOYS TUESDAY!

Now go cover up.


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