Woman Crush Wednesday: Britney Spears, Forever Ever

I'm not going to pretend that this "Woman Crush Wednesday" thing is going to be a weekly deal, because let's be real -- I suck at consistency, and I also got a hybrid emotional reaction of bored and annoyed when I typed the phrase "Woman Crush Wednesday." So, let's just see how this goes.

I really just wanted to highlight some of the favorite times that my eyeballs have ever had, and most of them are courtesy of Mizz Britney Spears. Because if you can't get behind giant white tube socks and possible Sketchers Step Ups™ paired with hair so tousled it looks like that of a person dwelling with dinosaurs, then I don't even know what you stand for anymore. This is why my eyes exist. They live for this shit.

Now, shall we?

My absolute favorite Brit Brit is experienced in the times when she's being her true self, and homie is never more herself than when leaving a Starbucks. Would humans even know of Starbucks if it weren't for this angel among us? If they haven't given this woman a black card filled to the brim with a lifetime supply of free Frapps, then they are all a bunch of GD Jon Snows.

Here's my BFF demonstrating another reason I love her so much -- she doesn't have a clue how to wear clothes. It's adorable. It's like she's never seen any of the following: a magazine, a mannequin, another person, an American Girl doll, Winnie the Pooh (okay, maybe; he doesn't wear pants) or Fashion Plates. I hate when someone else dresses her. Like this:

Okay, I just lied right to your face, because I love this. I'm not a monster. Levi Strauss' ghost came through a portal from the spirit world just to witness this moment. (I'm assuming.)

The final reason BS is best -- she's like a glittery unicorn personified:

Sweet!

Colorful!

Literally glittery!

But honest with her emotions. Just like a unicorn.





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I Can't Wait For This Sh*t/I'm Worried About This Sh*t: The Lindsay Lohan Reality Show Trailer Is Here!

I'm so torn (thanks, Natalie Imbruglia) on this Oprah-funded Lilo reality show, you guys. On one hand, I can't effing wait to see this mess. On the other hand, this is a terrible idea for this human person. On a third, fake hand, I wish Linds would scale back on the hair extensions. It's like she's wearing a ginger Lady Godiva Halloween wig. There are so many emotions boiling around in my head, it's like a witch's cauldron of crazy up in here.

Like, I genuinely want this girl to get her actual sh*t together, but she's so wrapped up in being "Lindsay Lohan," and going to clubs, saying people stole from her, and just being generally dramatic and acting like it's still 2007, that I don't know if she will let herself. It's friggin' sad, man.

With all that said, I'm still watching this effery. How do you guys feel about this? Will you be watching? I need to know how Tina Fey feels about this.



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Beauty Tricks To Make Yourself Look Like You Give A Sh*t, Even When You Don't

Life is not always mf-ing glitter-covered fairies and glow stick rainbows, you guys. I'm going through one of those mental valleys in life right now, and it's hard for me to find one eff to give about much. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to throw down the gauntlet, and buy some oversized sweatpants with "I've given up," emblazoned on the ass. When I do make a rare venture out into public, I force myself to at least give the illusion that I'm a productive member of society. Here are my tricks.

Get The Windows To Your Soul Looking Human(ish).

If the eyes really tell all, then (woo-hah!) you better get that all in check. The easiest and most effective way to do this is with a little eyebrow definition/eye highlighting combo. As you can see from the terrifying picture above, the combination of these two things give an instant lifted look to a sad sack eye. Plus, it takes, like, two seconds.

Simply take a concealer that's just a wee bit lighter than your skin, and apply it directly under your eyebrow and under-eye area, patting it in. Finish off by filling in your brows with a neutral eyebrow pencil. Voila! Now no one will ever know what an actual monster I am. Muahahaha!

P.S. Before your ass is all, "The eye picture on the right is just positioned lower than the one on the left, you conniving a-hole," it's one picture. I just put a little line down the center for the extra dramz. Science! 

Ditch The Garbage Pail Kid Hair.

The days that I actually and legitimately wash my entire head of hair are getting few and far between, so I have some tricks in my lazy arsenal to prevent myself from looking squarely in the "that girl might have ACTUAL vaseline in her hair" category. (The threat is very, very real.)

If you're still trying to make wearing your dirty ass hair down happen, the best thing to do is to just wash the front bang area of your mop, then style that section as you normally would. You can treat the rest of your hair with dry shampoo, like this new Herbal Essences Naked (Target, $4.99). It's insanely fragrant, so you won't smell like week-old french fries.

Or maybe your hair is way too far gone down that dirty ol' road to wear it down. I feel you, man. If this is the case, treat your mane generously with dry shampoo and wear it all up in a top knot. Oh, and maybe try washing it tomorrow, if you're up to it, Josie Grossie.

 Keep Lower Maintenance Expectations.

When I'm having an extended period of over-it-itis, I like to keep my expectations and my maintenance lowered.

These are the times that I like to depend on easy beauty products that really just get sh*t done, like the Clinique Chubby Stick Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm in Mega Melon ($17). It's a gorgeous pinky coral color, easy to apply, and has just the right amount of shine.

For eyes, it's all about my samples of Make Up For Ever Aqua Shadows (Sephora, $20) the company sent me forever ago. You literally can't eff up with these things. Rub it around your general eye area and it looks great. And like you tried. And not like you were crying over a Lifetime movie starring Tori Spelling while eating stale Cheetos all day.

When All Else Fails, Red Lipstick.

mac viva glam, $16

At worst, you'll look like an eccentric and mysterious weirdo, with phenomenal taste in lipstick and a penchant for hole-filled "Class of '99" t-shirts and leggings. Just put on huge sunglasses and let the gen pop think you're an Olsen twin.

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You Guys, Can We Talk About Urban Decay's NAKED 3 Palette For A Hot Minute?

via urban decay

After several days of annoying speculation over UD's NAKED 3 palette, the Urbs finally released an official pic on their website, and we AT LAST get to rest our grubby ass little eyes on the actual shadows that will make up this beast. What are your gut feels over this news?

 

I get so mixed emotional (baby) over these things. Here's my deal on the NAKED palettes -- I always dig the colors, but I feel like I have a few of the shadows already, from the previous palettes. Plus, GIMME, GIMME MORE matte colors in that beyotch, UD.

On the positive tip, I'm really into the rosy-hued theme that's poppin' in the N3. I happen to really like pinkish shadows, so I think I'm probably totally into it. (Maybe I LIKE reppin' eye infections, what?) Please, who am I kidding? The day that this sh*t pops off, you know I will be bout it, bout it and losing my mind, scouring the interwebs trying to get myself a piece of that ass.

If you also think you might be super into this palette, you can keep up with all the haps on NAKED 3, and be one of the first to TRY and get that sh*t by signing up here for Urban Decay's email list. Don't worry, unlike me, they won't hassle your ass too often.

What to you guys think? What level of excited-ness are you about the N3? Rate yourself from annual lady parts doctor's appointment, to unicorn ride while eating birthday cake from Marky Mark's open palm, in the comments below.




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