Beauty Science Fair: I Dyed My Eyebrows And I'll Never Go Back

If you don't follow me on social media, you might not have heard the very exciting and important world news that I have dyed my hair darker. Mourn or celebrate appropriately.

Because I'm naturally a blah, dirty-ass blonde, my natural eyebrows have followed boring suit, and are also a blah, dirty-ass blonde. With my new hair color happenings, I decided to go against nature, as I do with every fiber of my being, and dye those MF-ers. F this life.

I bought this Godefroy kit from Amazon for about $15 to get the job done, and it has a supply of 20 little pre-measured capsules (to also get the job done). Each application is supposed to last about six weeks, but I'm betting on roughly three weeks, based on absolutely nothing but my feelings and life mediations.

This is how the process goes. (AND IT'S EASY AS SHIT, MAN.)

You first need to wash your brows. I just took a shitty washcloth with a little soap and face wash and cleaned off all my normcore eyebrow stuff. (JK, it's the opposite of normcore. It's insanely intense for everyday wear.)

Next, just mix up the supplies. You dump one tiny capsule in a cup with a tiny amount of developer (it comes with a little measuring cup), and stir it up, little darling. Then apply the mixture with the handy-ass angled brush just like you would a brow powder or pomade, like in the picture above.

The instructions say to leave the dye on for one to two minutes, but I didn't want to do that because I'm a non-listening asshole, so I chose to go a little rogue. I applied the dye to one brow, waited one minute, wiped it off with a washcloth, and did the other. I repeated the process three times total. I probably could have stuck with two, but I LIKE MY SHIT DARK AND I DO WHAT I WANT.

Here are the final befores, durings and afters.

This is a full-faced comparison, in which I look very sleepy and over it, because I was, but you can get the idea of the difference.

And because I'm all about this scientific method, here these bitches lie with a completely bare face. (But at least not a sleepy face!)

Also, file this under "What would the offspring of a less attractive Peter Gallagher and Gollum look like?" Also, don't make other LOTR jokes, because I've only seen half of the first one.

I would say that I am firmly into brow jobs. Will I leave them completely nude when I'm wearing makeup? No. I'll probably still do a fill-in of some sparse areas with an eyeshadow and top that with a brow gel, but that is BARE MF-ING BONES in comparison to my usual routine.

Brow dyes, I am in you. Forever.





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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend: My Favorite Daaaark Makeup

Let me be clear (Obama voice) -- I like dark shit. On the inside, my darkness level hovers around Wednesday Adams and Lydia Deetz from Beetlejuice arena. I'm not on, like, a Richard Ramirez/John Wayne Gacy tip; clowns are horrifying (and so is serial murder, I guess), but I'm not a lollipops and sunshine-y person so much. As if you couldn't tell by my ability to rattle off serial killer names.

My love of darkness also extends to my beauty obsessions. Don't get me wrong, I love a bright lipstick and nail polish, but I'm just DRAWN TO ROLLING THE DEEEEEEP. (Side note: I miss you, Adele. Where's that new album, homie?)

This post is all about the darkest of the darkness, and here I am wearing brown eyeliner in this picture, like a bitch. But look at those lips -- it doesn't get much darker. Let's investigate.

Lips That Are Straight-Up DARKSIDED!

Dark lipstick makes you look like someone that's not to be effed with. If you want to look like you want to be effed with, you can skip ahead.

I have a couple of deep wine/berry/Pinot Noir/I'm running out of descriptives lipsticks that I like to mess with. For matte lips, I'm all about ColourPop Lippie Stix in Dalia, and for something a little more glossy, I'm into Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Shame. (I'm wearing them layered in the photo above.)

The thing I love the most about deep lipsticks like these are how universally badass they are, regardless of skin tone. They look vampirically cool on the fair-skinned, and look GORGEOUS on deeper skin tones.

Dark-n-Fringy Lashes For DAYS

I'm not sure that fringy is a word. If it's not, I want it to be.

You probably already know how much I love this shit. Maybelline Lash Sensational in Blackest Black (OF COURSE) is inky as hell, and brings out the deepest, darkest lashes. It's my favorite drugstore mascara, EVER.

It feels good to know I could totally be a graphic designer if I wanted to be. The raw talent is clearly there.

The Darker The Liner, The Darker The Heart

I'm not sure I could exist as a human-ish being without black eyeliner. It's the glue that holds my soul together. It's my Chicken Soup for the No Soul.

My black eyeliner requirements are: black as eff (OF COURSE) and stays on until I die a timely death. My current ride-or-dies are tarte Tarteist Clay Paint Liner and Kat Von D Tattoo Liner in Ink Black. Urban Decay's 24/7 Pencil in Perversion is another solid, crazy-dark option. They are all v, v black and stay on as well as can realistically be expected in today's world.

My only complaint about all these mofos are they aren't waterproof on the inner eyelid waterline, which is straight bullshit. But, UD is giving the people (AKA me) what they want, because they're coming out with this pencil MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR WATERPROOF WATERLINE LINAGE for holiday. Finally. My life is really coming together.

Not-Quite-Black Shadows Are The New Black

There are plenty of great matte, black shadows on this crowded-ass planet. Open any decent eyeshadow palette, and you'll get slapped in the eyeballs with an acceptable one.

So instead of focusing on those, I'm sharing my favorite glittery and almost black shadows. Nars Eye Shadow in Night Porter is a green-black beauty. If a pine tree in a majestic forest mated with a velvety black cat, it would be weird as hell, and also this shadow. But shimmery and shit.

MAC Eye Shadow in Beauty Marked is a super-deep eggplant. I would rather eat a deep-fried eggplant parm sub, but this is lovely, too.

Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can't See (Because It's Dark. Get It?)

This isn't the first time I've spouted off my big mouth about my love for dark polish, so I won't stay on this too long and bore you more than my regular levels of boring you. I just came here to say that I have also added this RGB Nail Color in Oxblood to my list of bad bitches.

That concludes my primer on darkness. So, good day, et al.

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