Get Your Pitchforks Greased and Ready for Me

On second thought, that was a terrible choice of imagery for this post, given the topic. I have to tell you guys something, and it's going to piss some of you off. Here goes:

I kind of hate Fifty Shades of Grey.

Let me say this first. (Ugh, I originally typed "fist.") If anyone in my family is reading what I've typed right now, please go away. This is not for you, Aunt Sally or Gam Gam. (I have changed their names, because clearly they would want me to.)

Now that it's just us dirty-minded w's, can we get real? These books are not good. Was the sex part pretty good at the beginning? Sure, fine. But after the 293487039284 tryst, we gots it. You guys like doing each other and stuff. SMOLDERING!!!! And full disclosure -- I'm only halfway through the second book. So maybe alien abduction or something awesome is going to happen soon. But if not, I must say: Can a b get a plot up in here?

I swear the first book was sponsored by the word "bodywash." And when's the last time you saw a crazy hot dude with copper hair and gray eyes? If this is really a fan fiction book about Carrot Top, I will freak the eff out. How is this going to be a movie? I don't see how. You can only show so many "circling thumbs" before you get a NC-17 rating.

Okay, I'm done. I will attempt to read the rest of the books, and swallow (heh) my pride.

Am I wrong, guys? Do you hate me now?


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