"Between Two Ferns" Satisfies All Of Our Cravings (Sorry, Gross) With Brad Pitt And A Dash Of Louis CK

In this latest installment of "Between Two Ferns," we get to relish in the trying-not-to-break moments of Bart Pit, who is known for such films as 12 Years a Salve and Furry, but more notably, still somehow sexual with a mustache. Someone do research on this. I thought it was impossible.

We also get a few short moments with another one of my unlikely crushes, Louis CK.

Why is his shirt inexplicably wet? WHY IS YOUR DUMB SHIRT WET? Get out of here...rats.

If Zach Galifianakis were a lady person, we'd be talking about how he's all skinny and shit now, but I'm much more interested in if anyone remembers when he was in a music video with my favorite weird humanoid, Fiona Apple. And also why his hair is looking like such a mash-up of a colonial dude and a Disney prince. (Side note: I just had to google the Fiona Apple thing, just to make sure that wasn't a peach-schnapps-and-goldschlager-fueled dream I had in the early '00s. It wasn't. It happened.)



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The Game Of Thrones "Who Would You Do?" List

I love Game of Thrones. It has all the things that I look for in a show: an old time-y setting, bomb hair and costumes, and a bunch of people acting like pure and unadulterated assholes. And the fact that it's packed to the gills with hot bitches doesn't exactly hinder my viewing pleasure.

With that in mind, I've compiled a ranking of the best "Would Do" candidates, as well as the "Eff No" mofos from the world's most character-filled-and-also-switching-friggin-actors TV show. (Don't lie, that shit confuses you too.) 

The Would Dos:

#1: Jaime

Okay, so he's had his horrific moments, and might have Borderline Personality Disorder. He also (half) created the worst human in fake history. And his hair is kind of terrible this season. But that jawline...

#2: Khaleesi

I mean, COME ON. Daenerys Targaryen be banging. And if you say that you wouldn't, you're a damn lie.

#3: Khaleesi's Dead Husband's Ghost

This dude was super hot. And nice, in a murderous way. Plus, the real life guy is married to LISA MF-ING BONET. You don't turn that down.

#4: Jon Snow

JS is super-sexual, and really should be higher on the list, but I can't stop thinking about extreme hygiene issues whenever my eyeballs graze his ass. INVENT SHAMPOO, ALREADY.

#5: Tyrion

I love Tyrion. He's smart, funny, actually uses the empathetic area of his brain, and is really cute. Sign me up.

#6: Brienne of Tarth

Brienne is not only a bad bitch, she's also ridiculously loyal. Which is pretty much the opposite of anyone else on this GD show. Not to mention that she's crazy tall and attractive.

The Would NOT Evers:

#1: Joffrey

HATE. SO MUCH. Plus, I think he's supposed to be 15 or something. Major pass.

#2: That One Guy

Sorry about all of that stuff, buddy. You were okay before, but now I'm just not into you. Or whatever is happening in your Weentown area code.

Edit: You guys, THIS DUDE IS LILY ALLEN'S BROTHER. Where the eff have I been???

#3: Cersei

She's gorgeous. She's the worst. Her no no was probably replaced with a venus fly trap. No thanks.

#4: Ygritte

I wasn't even into homegirl before she got all arrow-happy. But now, I definitely bid you "Good day." GET OUT.

Which GoT peeps are on your would/wouldn't do lists? Let's hash it out.




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