Our Rude Prayers Have Been Answered: Prince Hot Harry Is Single

pic via eonline

Good news/kind of shitty news, guys. The sexual beast that is Prince Harry (Is that illegal to say about a royally-blooded mofo?) broke up with his scrunchie-loving homegirl Cressida Bonas. Good for you single young bloods: you've still got a chance! But bad news: I really liked this girl. Here's why I'm really into her --

• She's almost always wearing a scrunchie.
• She has the beautiful hair that looks like she washes it with pee or apple jam, or something.
• She's not fancy and uptight. You know that the Queen never even let her absolutely worst hat be in the same room with this chick.
• Her name is Cressida Bonas, which kind of sounds like Croissant Boners.

I'm just scared that PH is going to date some boring, bland bitch next. Like someone with Avian Bone Syndrome, or some bullshit. I'm not okay with that. At all.

Also, HOW WILL THEY SPLIT THE SCRUNCHIE COLLECTION? HOW, I SAY?!?


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Our Fake Best Friend Kristen Wiig Pretends To Be Harry Styles On "The Tonight Show," Is Predictably Adorable.

Kristen Wiig was on the new Jimmy Fallon's "Tonight Show" the other night, and she pretended to be One Direction's (1 Direction's? I'm too old for this sh*t) Harry Styles for the duration of her interview. And it seems like Kristen knows about as much as I do about Harry, AKA the human person under this hair:

Pretty much nothing, except that his shoes are comical. But she's definitely right on about one thing -- carnitas are amazing.

If you missed K Dubs as Michael Jordan when she was on Jimmy's show a few months ago, do yourself a damn solid and watch it here.



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