(Not an actual picture of the Situation)
As you may have heard, America's Sweetheart has entered rehab for unknown reasons. A rep for MTV claims that it is for "rest and recuperation." To which I give a big ol' "b please" served with a heaping side eye. You want to rest? Go to a Sandals resort or some ish. Maybe sit your ass in a velour Lay-Z-Boy for a hot minute.
I'm going to speculate on the real reason that Mike Sorrento (I think that's actually a cheese brand, but I don't feel like googling that mess.)
- He's addicted to pledging his face. (Why is it so shiny? Whyyyy?)
- He's addicted to forcing girls to wear his lounge wear as soon as they come to his house from the club, and before he sexes them. (I think that Freud might have an answer to that one.)
- He can't stop getting haircuts that include shapes being shaved into one's head, such as stars and stripes. (Patriotic!)
- He can't get over his obsession/jealousy with his friend, the Unit's (bleh), lustrous hair. (Have you seen it? It's kind of insane.)
- He's truly exhausted from fake working at a t-shirt shop, when in reality he gets paid $100k per episode.
I need to go to rehab over the fact that this dumdum (Sorry, no disrespect, Mr. DumDum.) is driving around in damn Bentleys and ish, while I wonder if Dodge has discontinued the Neon for my next car.
P.S. If homeboy really needs to go to rehab, I'm proud of that b for going. But stop sending out press releases and just go!
No comments :
Post a Comment