Blogging Note: I Might Be MIA For A Minute

Hey, it's me. Remember me?

I was out of town last week, so I really couldn't post. Now I'm extremely sick, and can't even think about stringing sentences into a cohesive format. So, I will probably be taking this week off. If it goes beyond that, I'll let your ass know.

Sorry for being horrible. Just please enjoy this kitten.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something I Already Wrote

pic via allure

In the last few minutes of your holiday weekend, take a couple seconds to check out this post that I wrote for Allure, called "The Best Holiday-Movie Beauty Looks," about, well, the best holiday movie beauty looks. 

I was watching Love, Actually on Christmas and still couldn't get over the level of gorgeousness that Keira Knightley possesses. Life just isn't fair. Happy New Year.

See who else I included on the list here.

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Double-Duty Beauty: The 5 Product Face

I friggin' love using double-duty beauty products. Whenever you can use something for more than one purpose, that's a good-ass deal. So I decided to make a video using only five products, and using four of those things for two things...shit, that's confusing.

Just watch the video (if you want). It will all (kind of) make sense. I'm also posting all of the products that I used below the video, just in case you're in an anti-video jail, or at your Gam Gam's, or something, and can't watch.

Here are the details, for you non-watchers:

Product #1 -- Kat Von D Lock-It Tattoo Foundation in Light 48 on my face. (Uhhh doy)
Product #2 -- Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Naked on my eyes and brows.
Product #3 -- Benefit Hoola Bronzer under my cheekbones, on hairline, and dusted across nose and jawline. Also on the crease of my lids.
Product #4 -- Makeup Academy Color Intense Lipstick in #258 Pansy is the ol' lips and also used as a cream blush.
Product #5 -- L'Oreal Voluminous Miss Manga Mascara in Blackest Black is used on a flat brush as a baby eyeliner and as a mascara, of course.

Do you have any double-duty makeup products? Tell me all the things.



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Win A December Sample Society Box From Allure

I know that it's the holidays and you're busy thinking about other people (BORING) and being all nice and crap, but why not take a couple of minutes and do something for your own damn self?

If you want to cop this month's Allure Sample Society box for free, watch this video and follow the instructions from the YouTube description box. That's it! Now you can go back to whatever crazy-ass holiday schedule you're currently enduring.


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Zac Efron Now Has An '80s Dad 'Stache

Zac Efron out in LA with Sami Miró and their Puppy on December 17th. pic.twitter.com/5DQpBoi4Zk
— Zac Efron's Crew (@ZacEfronsCrew) December 18, 2014

Today's entry into the "Diary of I'm-Trying-To-Hide-My-Hot-From-You" is Zac Efron, with his freshly grown tragi-stache. (He's also accompanied by a beatnik poet that performs in biker bars. Or maybe a girlfriend? One can never really be sure.)

I can't handle this mustache in any way, shape or form. Probably because it's a hair (har har) too close of my dad's own facial hair, and that sends up a big ol' NOPE flag to proudly flap high into the dude sky.

Let's look past the fact that I'm dressed in something that Bubbles the chimp might wear, and note the disturbing follicular similarities. If Efron starts wearing THOSE glasses, I'm quitting this bitch. And by bitch, I mean Earth.




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Tomorrow Is The Final Episode of Serial, SO WHAT WILL HAPPEN, SARAH???

The Final Episode Of Serial from Funny Or Die

Warning: Some whispery f-words in video.

This is kind of friggin' perfect.

For all of my fellow Serial crazies, tomorrow shall mark the end of the Mail Kimp end. Will anyone ever think of payphones ever, ever again? Will Adnan's big cow eyes ever be free to make BBQ sauce without having to use maple syrup? Did Jay get a good nap in? Why doesn't Mr. S like brandy? What even is brandy? If this is just a big-ass Best Buy commercial, I'm going to be PISSED.



via funny or die


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Who Would You Rather: The 90210 Dudes Edition

I'm kind of a Beverly Hills, 90210 nut, as evidenced by this picture of me wearing a Brenda Walsh mugshot t-shirt that my friend Sarah bought me. Because of my particular brand of crazy brains, I've spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the dudes of BH High. That sounds illegal, but everyone on that show was, like, 42 during the show's run, so stop judging my ass.

All of this pondering led me to compile a list of pros and cons for each 90210-type-of-bro, so we can find out, once and for all, who would you rather?

David Silver

BAG sporting a unibrow starter's kit

Pros:

• He was a good (???) dancer.
• He got hot.

Cons:

• Many awkward hair phases.
• David and Donna were so gross, as told by this video, which is one of the more horrific things even burned into my eyeballs and ear holes.

BRB, vomiting and bleaching the Earth.

Bottom Line: Whatever, I can't even keep up this front. DAVEY WAS THE WORST.

Brandon Walsh

B Dubs, the stern years.

Pros:

• He did charitable shit like bring homeless men home for Thanksgiving dinner and had relationships with Kelly Taylor.
• He was well-beloved by crazies (Emily Valentine) and bores (Andrea Zuckerman) alike.
• He had the privilege of sharing a womb with Brenda.
• He had the second-best dude hair on the show. (Except for that short-lived mullet. Hard pass.)
• Just..This...

Cons:

• He did horrible shit like have relationships with Kelly Taylor.
• He got kind of judgey over walking Earth treasures Brenda Walsh and Valerie Malone. 
• These sunglasses fill me with a deep and fiery rage. There's something so Wilford Brimley about them that make me want to throw hot oatmeal.

Bottom Line: I like Brandon. But do I LIKE like Brandon? Like, loins-like him?

Dylan McKay

Okay, so this was IRL Luke Perry, BUT I DON'T CARE.

Pros:

• Please see above.
• That voice.
• He had the best hair that's ever even graced a friggin' TV screen.
• He had rough times, but had a heart of GD GOLD.
• He almost pulled this look off. And that's a lot of look.

IS THAT A WETSUIT TOP TUCKED INTO RELAXED FIT JEANS?

Cons:

• That tramp-ass-tramp Kelly Taylor.
• He doesn't love me.

Bottom Line: Everyone loves Dylan McKay. If you don't, you aren't a living human being. Shit, even ghosts haunting old Victorian-era mansions probably love that mofo.

Steve Sanders

Steve loves coochie cutters, and he cannot lie.

Pros:

• Steve kind of gave zero effs about ANYTHING.
• He had a weirdly sexual confidence about him.
• Semi-unrelated, but, uhhhh....
• Ian Ziering did this in my life, so major bonus points:

Cons:

• Straight-up ramen hair. And frequently mullet-ed.
• THE WORST outfits. Worst.

Bottom Line: Current-day Ian Ziering? Hot. Steve Sanders? Not.

Conclusion: Please, this was all a flimsy, farce-filled, flim-flam facade! And you fell for it. MUAHAHAHHA. DYLAN MCKAY 4EVA.

How much do you still love Dylan McKay, one to eight trillion?



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