Quick Sh*t: I Told You B's That Walt Jr. is Hot

Today is my day of creeper vindication, mofos. I present to you (via Walt Jr.'s twitter -- or RJ Mitte, whatever) the hottest breakfast lover, except for Ron Swanson. Natch.

So suck it, America. (Gross. Not literally.) FLYNN 4 EVA.

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Rumer Willis' Everything Game is All Kinds of Wrong.

This is what Rumer Willis (who is Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's daughter, DAD) wore to some Las Vegas day club opening this weekend. But before we get into this effery, can someone tell me what in dumb's sake a DAY CLUB is? Can't it just be a club that's open during the day? Or a pool or whatnot? Quit trying to reinvent the slut wheel, Vegas.

Anyway, I don't even care about the fact that lil' boosie is wearing a bikini top and glitter eff skirt. It's Las Vegas. And a day club. I don't know the appropriate dressing etiquette. But those sandals look like they should be worn by a Pop Pop named Saul that lives in Boca Raton. And her hair isn't bad in THEORY, but for some reason it looks like it was Fashion Plate-d onto her head. It makes my eyeballs feel awkward.

Here's Rumer (Is it wrong to hope that she opens a strip club named after herself?) with a friend, that is bringing up some questions for me. What is that faux camera thing around homeboy's neck? If that silly nonsense is an iPhone case, I will LOSE. MY. SH*T. I'm getting too old for this mess, you guys.

pics via buzzfeed




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Random Homie: Duri Nail Polish

You guys know that I love telling your asses about nail polish brands that you (might) have not heard of before. The peeps at Duri Cosmetics sent me a variety of polishes from their Spring collection to try, and at $6 a pop, you need to come and ride this polish train (and ride it).

duri's spring line ($6 each), afterhours on top

The color I chose to highlight is Afterhours, which is a beige-y/silver with a dab of lavender.

afterhours by duri, $6

So I like to match my toes with my shoes with my couch. Get off my jock, man. And sorry for the foot pic, I know it's kind of gross unless you're into weird foot stuff. If so, play on, playa.

I've had this polish on my toes for almost a week now, during which time I have worn boots, heels, sandals, been barefoot in the mountains, gone to a wedding, driven through three states, worked on my tired ass feet, hung out in a (possibly) haunted house, done homies' makeup, broken up yorkie/chihuahua dog fights, and more -- and ish still looks pristine as a mofo. I'm sold. Get out your six bucks, dudes, this is good. Check out all of the Duri polish choices here.




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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

This week for Allure, I tell you how to be a total '90s b (all over again). Damn, I'm old. Read all about it here.



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Quick Sh*t: Start Off the Day the Right Way, With April Ludgate.

April is my spiritual sister, man. (Click to enlarge.)




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Vanessa Hudgens Obviously Used My Budget to Make Her (Sure to be Hit) Teaser Video for $$$ex.

Baby V, what the hell kind of effery is this mess? Does the title desperately need three dollar signs? Leave the innocent pool noodles and fanny packs of the world alone. They don't want any part of your nonsense. And how did you b's film this in my first piece of sh*t apartment? I can't believe they let you paint a wall in there. They wouldn't let me do that crap.

Quick side note about said POS apartment, that is NSFL. It (of course) didn't have a washer and dryer in it, so I would use the on-site laundromat. One day, there was a notice on the door from the police saying that a man had been stealing panties (bleh on that word) from the washers, using them for masturbatory purposes, and then PUTTING THEM BACK IN THE WASHERS. Listen, I get the stealing underwear thing. Whatever, you're weird. BUT PUTTING THAT SH*T BACK? That's some code red grossness. I don't know if dude skipped middle school health class, but you can't get b's pregnant by proxy.

Sorry for the perv story, but it's one that needs to be told. Passed down to generations, and such. So anyway, this video is terrible. End of list.

P.S. I realized today JUST how old I am. In order to watch Smirky McSmirkerson's video twice, I had to mute the sound. Next time I'll just remove my hearing aide.




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Random Homie: KeratinPerfect 3-in-1 Multi-Action Hair Beauty Balm

My hair is thin, y'allz. Like Olive Oil thin. (As in Popeye's boo thang, not the food product.) So if I ever find a hair product that I feel like makes my hair feel thicker and more luxurious, I hold onto that ish.

keratinperfect hair bb, $28

I've been using the KeratinPerfect Hair BB for the past couple of weeks, and I actually feel like my hair is thicker and healthier. Am I an insane person? (Don't have a smart mouth.) I do know one thing FOR CERTAIN -- this mess does pretty much everything but take your ass out to dinner. Here's the deal (from the website):

REPAIRS: Progressive Repair Technology helps stop breakage.
PROTECTS: Forms a humidity barrier for all-day frizz protection.
PERFECTS: Argan, almond and apricot kernel oils enhance moisture creating soft, lustrous texture in all hair types and revealing shinier, healthier-looking strands.  Revolutionary Apple Stem Cell extract rejuvenates the hair and makes it noticeably healthier with every use. KeratinPerfect 3-in-1 HAIR BB is free of parabens, sulfates and sodium chloride and is safe for color-treated hair.

I've been using only this (as far as product goes) the entire time I've sampled this product, and I really don't feel like I need anything else. It doesn't weigh my hair down, and it's smooth and ish. And while $28 isn't Dollar Store pricing, I usually use like four products at a time, so it's not INSANE. This b is my current homie fo' sho' right now. Totally into it. Check out the deets for yourself here. Now I have to go because my ass is hown-gray. I'm trying to give up dairy, and that mess is hard.

via thestupidfaces

I kind of hope that aliens abduct me instead. If you eat cheese in outer space, that crap doesn't count.

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