Happy Halloween, Eyeballs!

I've kind of got a thing for Alfred Hitchcock. No, not a sexual thing, weridos. And no, not because his last name is awesome. I remember seeing Dial 'M' for Murder when I was a kid and thinking it was all kinds of badass. So I'm super excited about the upcoming movie Hitchcock, detailing the making of Psycho. The only negative about this whole deal is that it makes me want to watch Psycho, and that ish isn't on Netflix. Which is just effing rude, and makes me want to flick Netflix in the armpit. ( I don't even know what that means.)

But speaking of scary mess, have you guys seen the pictures of the skeleton formerly know as Matthew McConaughey?

pic via daily mail

I know that this nonsense is for a movie role, but holy damn. This is the scariest thing I have ever seen. I'm assuming that the people he is walking with are his parents, and they came to see him because they are concerned for his ass. Look past his mom's glamorous metallic leather jacket and at her expression. B is horrified. I'll pour out a little of my milkshake for my skinny homie later.

Will you guys be into watching Hitchcock? Are you afraid by MMc's ass right now?


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Can I Just Be a B Face for a Minute?

pic via people

I came across this picture of Katherine Heigl over on People's Style Watch (or something). They were saying how Heigs was somehow rocking this look. And I was like:

pic via buzzfeed

Um, no. No, she is not. The dress is FINE (I hate that word.) if you like to be pretty effing boring. But I cannot co-sign on those HOSE (not even tights) and those shoes. I don't even have a problem with brown and black together, I kind of dig it, but there's something very, very elderly about this whole shebang.  And while I'm nitpicking, could the necklace BE (Chandler Bing voice) more of an awkward length for that neckline? And what is that necklace, anyway? It looks like a tribal tramp stamp from the year 2000.

Okay, I'm going to take a nap and take some St. John's Wart to try to get rid of my sh*tty attitude. Maybe I can get this puss off my face. (I love saying that. Best saying, EVER.)



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The Badass B List: Best Ish You Might've Never Heard Of

I am usually trying/reviewing stuff that's pretty effin' mainstream. You know, you can buy it at a convenience store practically. Don't get me wrong -- it's great to have beauty products at the tips of your fingers, but it doesn't always mean they're the best. I have been sent some beauty products to try that I have never, ever heard of before, and ending up being my ride or die homies and I just HAD to put them on my Badass B List.

Me & the Girls' Lavandula Revive Foot Scrub, $24

My feet are rough as hell. I don't ever get pedicures, and I wear INSANE shoes all the time, so it's typically not cute to feel my feet. I got this foot scrub from Me & the Girls, and it is heaven. It has spearmint butter creme base with fine grain organic sugar cane. I kind of want to eat it, but I don't, so I get points for that. All of the MATG products are at least 98% organic, so that is crazy badass. But best of all, this stuff leaves my feet smooth and silky AND super moisturized. Check out the rest of the MATG products here.

Beauty for Real's Illuminating Lip Gloss, $22

I seriously can't even stop with this lip gloss. I haven't stopped wearing it since I got that b. The color I'm wearing above is called Deeply in Love. It starts out as an ox blood reddish, and it fades beautifully into an almost stain. I've never had a gloss texture that I like so much, and that wore so well. It doesn't get clumpy, sticky, uneven, or weird. AND it has a cooling, minty flavor. AND the applicator has not only a mirror, but also a LIGHT on the package. Mess is IN mofo SANE, people. See all the colors here.

Floss Gloss Nail Polish, $8

Hot damn, you guys. My picture does this nail polish ZERO justice. The shade of Floss Gloss shown is Stun, and it is so beyond the friggin' cat's pajamas that is like the cat's tuxedo. All of the polishes have no Dibutyl Phthalate (DBP), no Toluene, no Formaldehyde and no Formaldehyde Resin, so you can rest easy with that mess. I thought when I tried Stun that it was going to be a glittery top coat, because I already had a red polish on my nails. But as you can see, my ass was sorely mistaken. Stun is a full-on glitter polish that was 99% opaque with one coat. My nails look like a sexy, golden Studio 54 ball, and I'm obsessed. See the full range of colors (that I can't wait to try) here.

This is the first installment of The Badass B List, which I will be TRYING to make a thing -- like fetch. So stay tuned for that nonsense.




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Pictures to Peruse While Listening to Jock Jams

Ugh. Remember this disgustingness?

That's a badass b rollin' deep right there.

Oh, No Fear shirts. Never have charm and trash collided in such a way.

Does this even need a caption?

I had this exact crimper. Y'all ready for this?

I had these shoes, too. Flawless. Thanks, Spice Girls.

Get that Guts agrocrag, honey.

Please tell me you guys remember Pumps. Why the eff do we need air to tighten the shoes, again???

Okay, so you should probably listen to grunge for this, but tell me you don't want that earring.

Seriously, why?

Who loves sweaty feet with dirt particles stuck to them?

I once cried because of this show. I was 15.

This is way after Jock Jams, but exactly WHAT THE EFF IS THIS?

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Color My Ass Surprised -- Victoria's Secret Eyeliner Is the Business.

pic via victorias secret

It's no SECRET (Ugh. I hate myself. I am THE WORST.) that I love liquid eyeliner. It's the fastest way to give an old tired, haggard face a polished look. And trust me, I'm a haggard ass b like 97.4% of the time, so I'm pretty much an expert in these things. I have been using my original gangsta' liquid liner, Lancome Artliner -- which I love -- for a very, very long time. Anytime I ever stray from that mess, I always sorely disappointed. But, the good peeps over at VS sent me this Graphic Liner Pen ($13) to try, so I thought what the eff. I had super lowered expectations:

My only experience with VS beauty products have been those squeeze lip glosses that they have by the register in the stores, which I have made my b*tch on many occasions -- don't get me wrong. I found the pen SUPER easy to use, and it made a very crisp line on the eye, that could also make a thin line. I effin' HATE liquid liners that get all thick and crazy. Stop making those, cosmetics people. They suck! Here's a little doodling on my hand to show you the deal.

 See? Thin and manageable, unlike my ass. Yikes! I will also give this stuff credit, because I wore it to an outdoor hippie concert where it rained all over my face, and it didn't run. I even have a fuzzy picture to prove it.

I only partially look like the scary w (Can you call a ghost child a w?) from The Ring. Bottom line? Into it.


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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure

You guys are going to hate my ass, but I am having a total Ke$$$$$$ha moment lately. Her new song is totally ear wigging the hell out of my brain, so I came up with some ways to get all Kesha-ed out, without actually rubbing dirt (and possible body fluids) on yourself. Read my tips over on the Allure blog.


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This Is Really Happening.

pic via la gear

Hot damn, you guys. Do you know what those little puppies up there are? They are the re-launched LA MOTHER EFFING LIGHTS SHOES. These exist, and I'm so friggin' excited. I had LA Lights the first time around, and they were (obviously) my jam. I mean, a shoe that lights up at you walk is totally appropriate for a woman in her 30's, right? I feel like Jem (or maybe the Misfits) just drove her van over a rainbow made from Rainbow Brite dolls to deliver these to me. Go check out the badass color selection (and be fresh to death, if you want, and buy a pair) here. Can we do this, people? Or am I being even more insane than normal?



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