Unicorn Tears? I Don't Know How This Ish Works, But It's the Sauce.

I have been using something pretty damn fantastic for a while now, and I haven't said a word about it. I'm sh*tty, I know. But sometimes when it comes to skincare-type stuff, I do the whole "I need to really give this stuff a fair shake if I'm going to REALLY review it." That turns into using something for roughly 927429874 days and forgetting to even share with you b's. Yep, that's how I roll. I see a glitter eyeliner, and everything goes to hell in a friggin' hand basket.

image via Sephora

This is Cleansing Spa Water from Koh Gen Do, which can be purchased from Sephora. They sent me some to try, along with a description of what the deal is with this "water."

"It is made with the thermal water from Yumura Hot Springs in Izumo, Japan. Where pure water, rich with skin-absorbing nutrients, replenishes and rejuvenates as it cleanses. White Birch Sap, harvested only three weeks in early spring, contributes an abundance of minerals and xylitol as it lifts off makeup, oils and residue. No washing or rinsing required! Perfectly convenient for on-location makeup artists and busy on-the-go women. Oil-free. Alcohol-free. Safe for contact lens wearers.
Infused with six essential herbs to protect and nurture skin."

Sounds weird/like this mess is just vitamin water or something, right? Well lemme tell you something, this stuff is the cat's pajamas. I was using whatever pre-moistened cleansing/makeup remover wipes before these, and I always got some rashy-type business if I didn't wash my face right after. But I've been using this stuff for a couple of months now, and my skin is looking the best it's looked in a loooong time -- which isn't saying a whole lot, my skin sucks, but it's good for MY skin. (I'm also using some new skincare products but I'll get to that another time.) I like to wipe my makeup off my entire face with this stuff, then wash my face with my Clarisonic. It's friggin' boss, trust.

Oh, but the magic doesn't end there. I have also found ANOTHER new love of my life (I'm a w when it comes to this stuff. Don't you "no doy" me.) I begged the people at Mally Beauty to let me sample the Poreless Face Defender, and after much stalking, they allowed me to.

pic via Beauty.com

Let me be real with you, I have no idea how this stuff works. Here's what the Mally peeps have to say about it:


"Mally's Evercolor Poreless Face Defender is the perfect finishing touch for your makeup. This remarkable technology yields an utterly sheer, featherweight product that diffuses the look of pores, minimizes fine lines, and helps protect your makeup so it lasts from morning to night. Face Defender gives you that flawless matte finish without the dry, ashy look of powder. The result is silky smooth skin and longer-lasting makeup. It comes with a unique buffed-edge Japanese sponge."

It feels like a gel, but isn't sticky or anything on your face. And I don't get the muddiness that I always get a few hours after using a translucent powder with this stuff. One of my co-workers even said that I looked less oily after all day at work, and I hadn't blotted ONCE. (Which is some serious ish in my world.) There's also a video from Mally herself on how to use it. My only issue with the Face Defender is that the sponge doesn't have a little nook to go into in the compact. I've just kept the box it came with so far, but as soon as I spill water/perfume/tea in my purse (yes, that happens frequently), it's curtains on that b. If you want to try it for yourself, you can purchase on beauty.com for $40.

Okay, I'm done David Copperfielding your makeup bag for now. I'm no damn scientist (obviously), but I know the good good when I find it, and these two are magically delicious all up on yo' face!

pic via buzzfeed

Now it's back to business, hooligans!





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I've Been Listening to a Helluva Lot of SWV...

And I think I sound pretty, pretty good with the harmonizing, ladies. And don't worry, I've created an alternate album cover.

I'm pretty sure I've got this in the bag. Email me.



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I Hate Everything: To Infinity and Beyond!

Hey guys. I'm just sitting here (no doy) typing away, and I have to get 50 layers of sexy wrapped up in a 40 year old woman's body shoved in my face. Thanks, Brooke Burke.

pic via brooke's twitter

pic via brooke's twitter

Seriously, that's a hot b. I can only take solace in the fact that she wearing a scrunchie in a non-ironic way. But it's probably so her hair won't get damaged. Damn. I have roughly nine years to get my body looking this guuuurd. I bet BB didn't eat rice and chocolate for dinner. AFKLSFHJLFH.

P.S. She also has four kids (or something, I'm not googling that mess). I might as well hang it up.



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Have You Guys Heard? Miley Cyrus Works Out.

I must start this out by saying that I follow ol' MC (no, not Mariah Carey) on Twitter. I know, there is no good reason for a damn 31 year old woman to follow Miley Cyrus, but here we are. I have noticed a trend with Miley over the past couple of weeks. B LOVES to show a belly-showing self photo on the Twitter. Don't believe me?

Okay, honey boo boo. OH-KAY. Yoooooou (Soulja Boy, Tell 'Em) look good. You been pilates-ing more than Joseph Pilates could ever even imagine in his wildest dreams, during an amazing night's sleep after reading Good Night Moon or even a Berenstain Bears book on working out. We gots it. But you know who has two thumbs and can't even judge yo' ass? This guy.

See? I totally  win the douche award from at least '99-'01, and possibly even currently. Please believe if Twitter (or even Myspace) were around in the late 90's/early 00's, my everything would probably be all over everything. Praise baby Jesus that I'm an old ass b.

pic via buzz feed

So go 'head Miley. You do you.


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Oh...My...Stars...

Pic via In Touch Weekly

 You guys. It's tanning mom, and she doesn't look THAT insane! Honey Boo Boo got a little side bang kickin', nice lippie happening, and letting the girls show. (Okay, that went too far.) But most importantly, B STOPPED TANNING! What's her address? I want to send her one of those recordable congratulations cards. Go head, lil' mama.



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Put This On Yo' Face: Mila Kunis Everyday Smokey Eye Tutorial

Here's Mila Kunis lookin' all sexy and ish. And here's a tutorial based on that bangin' face of hers:



And here are the swatches of those bangin' Make Up Forever Aqua Shadows:

Yeah, you are welcome.


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Am I Done Here?

Pic via Us Weekly

Here is Brad Pitt filming some movie where he looks pretty unfortunate. I mean am I right? Homeboy's face is toeing a VERY fine line to the color and texture of his boots. I say this with a heavy heart, but I think that my love affair with Brad Pitt is over. And this is no fly-by-night deal. I actually have proof of just how long I have been into this b.

Here I am having an (obviously) badass sleepover in the early(ish) 90's, which apparently involved a lot or tag team telephone time. Fun. You are welcome, everyone's face that I blurred out. Ugh. How annoying does my room look? And look at the luxury TV I have kickin' in the corner. I was a preteen boss. Now, lets focus on what's really important here.

There's Brad Pitt, from Legends of the Fall, taking up prime real estate on my ugly ass floral wallpaper. (BTW, if you've never watched that movie, watch that ish. It's seriously really effin' good. And it has the kid from ET in it.) Don't get me wrong, BP is still a hot man. I just feel like the magic is gone. I blame Angelina Jolie.

Are you guys still into Bradley? Or have we moved on to b's like Harry Potter or whatever? (Shudder.)



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