Showing posts with label Video. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Video. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Allure Insiders: Readers' Choice Haul Video



I was lucky enough to get a package from Allure of some of the Readers' Choice products from this month's issue. I dug into this big ol' box of good good and filmed my reactions. Check out the video to see what I got and what I thought about everything.



Pin It

Monday, May 19, 2014

Allure Insiders: Details On My Latest Allure Magazine Collabo



Just in case you don't happen to follow me on the likes of my Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram (WHY THE HELL NOT, BY THE BY), you may have missed my announcement about my latest project that I'm doing with Allure. It's called Allure Insiders, and it's pretty much me and nine other homies that are way cooler and more talented than me, each creating two videos per month covering a ton of beauty goodness for Allure's new video channel.

This is my bio video, but you probably don't even need to watch it because you ALREADY KNOW THIS, MAN. My real, real videos will start next week, then come out every other week. I'll be covering two different categories: Get the Look, which are celebirty/pop culture-based tutorials, and Outrageous Beauty, where I try out different strange or extreme beauty treatments.

Nothing's changed, I'll still be here doing my thang-a-lang on the regular. But now I can just be upfront and be all, "I've got a lot of video editing to do this week. I'm not THAT lazy," when I get sparse around here. And I'm sure I'll post all of my vids here when they come out, so you can peep that scene, if you feel so inclined. Or don't, it's your life.

In the meantime, some of the other Insiders' videos are up, as well as errrybody's bio vids, so feel free to check out what they've got dropping on either the Allure video channel or the Allure YouTube channel. Okay, that enough info for your brain wrinkles. I'm out.

via realitytvgifs
JK, Tamra and I will see you later tonight. Or tomorrow if ish gets sideways (AKA lazy).



Pin It

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Well, Earth, It's Time To Pack It In: It's "The Plastics" Video That We Never Asked For



So, I'm about a week too late on talking about this masterpiece of mess, but c'est la vie or whatever. If you've been caught unawares on the shit you just witnessed, this is the newly-formed "band" called The Plastics. This wildly talented crew is comprised of the 33 year old dude that wants to look like Biebs and the homegirls that fancy themselves Jennifer Lawrence and Madonna.

Here's my take on this literal bullshit: I don't give half an eff what you do to your face and body. If you want to spend 100k on plastic surgery and plop a straw-like bowl cut on your dome, do it. It's your life and crazy face. YOLO-alter your face into an actual b-hole, I don't care. It's none of my GD business. Thanks, Salt-n-Pepa.

But you know what is my business? These mofos committing assault and battery on my eardrums with their auto-tuned effery. This is (OF COURSE) brought to you/written by that dude that made the Tan Mom song. Can someone on this planet please hire that guy to do ANYTHING ELSE but make these videos? Closet organizer? Dress sock quality control tester? Denim jacket bedazzler? Professional vajazzler? Anything. This has to stop.

And I have more important shit to focus on.

via realitytvgifs
P.S. Is it possible that Fakestin Bieber's pants are actually worse than the real deal's pantaloons? Too close to call.


Thanks to Amber for the heads up on this crap.


Pin It

Thursday, May 8, 2014

TGIMF(Almost)F! Let's Get Down With This Jam.



Sometimes you just have to jam the eff out, because it's (soon to be) Friday night and you feel alright. So you put on your super-slimming, black Mandarin collared shit shirt, fluff your hair bang wave and hit the town in downtown(ish) Minneapolis, or wherever. Major. Nothing says Friday night jam sesh like everything that happens after 1:11 in this video.


I would polish this dude's Napoleon Dynamite spectacles all night long. Take me away to Oasis Karaoke, mofos!






Pin It

Thursday, May 1, 2014

GUUUUUURL Of The Day: The Topless Fire Bro



There was a big ass fire burning near an LA-area neighborhood today, so of course the news was there to report on it, wearing their let's-pretend-we're-on-the-Weather-Channel serious outdoor jacket finery. But an absurdly large rain coat and windy day half-pony do not a "GUUUUUURL Of The Day" make. Oh, no. That accomplishment could only be obtained by the shining star that is this dude, who was so douchey that his dog asked for his face to be obscured out of sheer horror and shame.


Not only does this shirtless, snapback-ed wonder ask out a random stranger on live TV, in what seems to be at least an orange on the dangerous encounters scale, but he also opines that the fire is "pretty cool." SIR. GO HOME. We've had just about enough of your bullshit for today.

via realitytvgifs
Sorry, dudes. This b-hole ruined it for everyone. This is why you can't have nice things.


via buzzfeed

Pin It

Friday, April 11, 2014

Blogging Note/Happy Weekend: Go See The Special Man

Sorry I'm been lax on the posting this week, homies. I've been working on some other stuff (we'll talk about that another time) that has been taking up all my time. I'M SORRY. I KNOW.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend
Next week will probably be shitty too, so preemptive apologies all around. I'll do my best (which you probably know is like a regular person's worst).

In the meantime, let's enjoy this (I'm 99.9999% positive) Addy Award-winning TV commercial. Because it's perfect.



I know that this is a thing of friggin' beauty because I don't even know who my favorite person is in this thing. It's like picking which is my favorite, wine or pizza. (Psssh, it's wine.)

Anyway, enjoy this tiny dude's hair enigma. I'll catch you on the flip side, or the crossroads, whichever comes first.


Pin It

Friday, April 4, 2014

My Life Has Been Pointless Until This Moment, Because Someone (Maybe) Captured A Chupacabra!



Let's be honest. You couldn't even focus on the alleged mythical beast after peeping the more mythical scene on JaQuée's head.(I'm assuming that's the legitimate spelling of Jackie's name.) Is that a teased George Washington wig? If so, get me some wooden teeth and pass me one, because homegirl is the definition of perfection. I want in.

Listen, I don't know what the shit that thing is in the cage, but I'm sure as hell not trusting Arlen Parma's opinion on anything. LAUGH IT UP, ARLEN. THIS IS NO JOKE. You better keep those hater blockers on to protect yourself from my searing eyeballs.

But you know what is a joke? This.


Where did they get this artist's rendering? A late night anime show on Cartoon Network? A pre-teen boy's biology notebook cover? Whoever dragged this effery out of the trash needs to take several damn seats. Quit playing.


The chupacabra bids you good day, news people, and so do I. I really have to go work on some shit. Chupy and I have a ton of new pics to post on our joint "Fans of Queen JaQuée" Instagram account.



Pin It

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Are You A Basic Bitch?



Okay, even though my trash box ass watches the shit out of Teen Mom, I think I passed. But I definitely learned one thing today -- I want David Puddy to be my primary healthcare provider.


I could listen to him say, "That's some unoriginal ratchet shit right there," through any general medical procedure.

If all of your indicators pointed toward being basic, don't worry. You're here, reading this, instead of checking out celebrity news on aol.com (that's what my dad does -- so basic), so you're good, baby.


Not basic.

via college humor


Pin It

Friday, March 28, 2014

Aubrey Plaza Makes Us All Want Ring Pops To Add Life Drama


Ring Pop! - watch more funny videos

This video really has everything that I need in life: Aubrey Plaza's unconventionally dark weirdness, rock candy masquerading as crack rock, love triangles, and fanny packs. It's Ring Pop-levels of perfect.


I want THEM ALL.





Pin It

Monday, March 17, 2014

Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham Has A New Music Video Called "Blowin," And It's About Breezes, Or Something, YOU SICK EFFS.



I'm going to be honest. I have zero friggin' clues what this song is even about. I can really only make out the following things: cele-bruh-dee, friend requestin', stars, and getting air. Wait, is this a fan fiction about White Men Can't Jump? P.S. You can't name your song "Blowin" if you've done porn stuffs. It's an unwritten rule in humanity.


I love when this low-rent shit says, "Official Video," like Meryl Streep made an unofficial video, and Farrah doesn't want anyone to be confused. Also, why is your child in this video? The rest of it is drinking with alleged "fans" and writhing about next to a barn prison door, so I don't really see a need to bring children of the world into this mess. But let's not forget the best part:


Dancing in her twitter avatar box thingy! Homegirl, you are not Alice from The Brady Bunch.


I've had about enough.



Pin It

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I Found My People: Grumpy British Oldies Forced To Listen To Pharrell's "Happy," Promptly Hate It.



I have to say something that probably goes against current popular opinion. I hate Pharrell's "Happy." It's like musical version of some bag of b-holes telling you to smile. Don't tell me when to smile.


So power blasting a song telling me to be happy doesn't, in fact, make me feel happy. It makes me wonder when the shit it's going to end. Like this guy:


I feel you, sir. If people still wore watches, I would totally be looking at mine right now. But ol' timepiece isn't even my favorite elderly person in this video. I found my not-down-ass soulmate:


He's surly as eff, enjoys a pink shirt, can't clap two hands together, and is somewhat androgynous, as old people are wont to be. This man is perfect. I want to binge-watch a Columbo marathon with him.


Oh, and screw this guy. (Figuratively, of course.) You know what actually makes me happy? This:

)


happy video via buzzfeed Pin It

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Tina Fey Is Possibly My Favorite Human, Parts I And II (And III)

Overall, when it comes to humans, I'm all, "meh." Some people are okay, but a lot are kind of not. I hinted at my love for TF yesterday, but just in case you aren't 100% convinced that she's pretty much the best, let's look at some evidence.

Part I, for your consideration...



"I didn't look like...a...person," is completely relatable to me, because this:


Many parts of my life have been spent in limbo between being a possible homo sapien, and maybe a weird troll-ish Russian fairy tale creature that favors Z Cavaricci pants, so I understand this sentiment.

Part II is comprised of she and Jimmy Fallon being completely adorable together in this lip flip bit from The Tonight Show. Funny people laughing at themselves is one of the best things, so jump on that figurative sleigh ride of joy.



If you still aren't convinced, and you have 16 minutes (you do, stop pretend being busy), watch her episode of Jerry Seinfeld's web series "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee" here. She's a mf-ing delight, and her hair looks fantastic.


And because she's so opaque to the public, and never reads about herself online, I can say this without nagging fears of rejection: I love you lots, Tina Fey. Never stop being so Tina Fey-ish. That's like writing "stay sweet," in someone's middle school yearbook, but better. Your brain (I won't say body, that's creepy and presumptuous) is a wonderland.






Pin It

Monday, March 3, 2014

Ready To Have Your Week Ruined? Listen To Your New Favorite Jam, "3 Second Rule."



Life is hard, man. Sometimes you see a sexy mofo, you want to look at them, but you don't know the appropriate length of time that you can thrust your eyeballs upon them. If only there was some kind of ruuuuuuule...Sweet Jesus' Birkenstocks.

This video raises so many questions in my mind grapes. Who the eff are the backup singers on this track? Muppets? Demons from The Labyrinth? Why is there a creepy, disembodied, old-timey lady's outfit posted up in the corner of the classroom? Is this some kind of historical monument that homegirl is sanging all over? WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON AFTER THE 2:30 MARK? No, seriously, what the eff is that? Why is she squatting? Is she having stomach pains? Did she just run really far? I'm not really sure how to live my life from here.


Has there ever been anything more awkward than this video?


Oh, yeah.



Pin It

Friday, February 21, 2014

TGIF! Who Wants To Sing Sensually With Someone Named 'Keyboard Cathy' About Sashimi?



Oh, man. You know it's going to be great music video experience when that little artist/title thingy doesn't leave the corner of the screen for well over a minute. You really know that things are headed to Perfection-ville, population Cathy, when she removes her sunglasses apparatus from her sensible Lens Crafters creations. Those were NOT from the $99 wall, I can almost guarantee.


But then things start taking an odd turn for me. When KC goes on about "tasting adventure," sh*t got weird. Keyboard Cathy clearly very feels VERY sensual feelings about sashimi, you guys. Wait. Is this really just a bowl-cutted video full of sexual innuendo? By the eyebrows at the 2:41 mark, I don't really think that it could be anything else. OH MY GOD, AT 3:35 IT'S ALL JUST TOO MUCH. Is Key Key possibly talking about try her OTHER bowl cut? And is it...is it...pierced?


Well, I probably just ruined your weekend, your life, and any chance in hell of you going to a sushi restaurant again, so also the sushi industry as a whole. My work here is done.


via reddit


Pin It

Sunday, February 16, 2014

GUUUUUURL Of The Day: Katy Perry's Craft Store Grill



This is the "Dark Horse" teaser video. This is also Katy Perry wearing effing gigantic rhinestones on her teeth. Like, GIGANTIC. Like, so big that homie can't close her mouth and the Titanic crashed into it.


Cleopatra is all, "What the f*ck is this ridiculous b doing?" from her sarcophagus made from completely non-rhinestone jewels right now. What a historical abomination.

via realitytvgifs




Pin It

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Quick Sh*t: Watch Vin Diesel Lip Synching To Katy Perry And Dancing To Beyoncé All By His Lonesome. In Cargo Shorts. #Surfboard




If that didn't make you feel uncomfortable, then you are probably Superman, and therefore, invincible. Congratulations.

P.S. I see that Vin is still trying to make tank tops and camo cargo shorts happen, like it's 2004 all over again. Yay?


via Vin's Facebook page


Pin It

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

GUUUUUURL Of The Day: The Unicorn Anthem Of Our Lives

Remember when I used to do that whole 'GUUUUUURL of the Day' deal? Yeah, I should probably get my sh*t together and actually try to do things that I'm supposed to do more often. Just like my middle school guidance counselor said, I should really apply myself more.


So in the spirit of getting back on (off?) the wagon, here's a video from yesteryear (2008) that I am just now discovering, even though I have a full subscription to every unicorn-related newsletter from here to eternity. I must have been too busy vajazzling in '08, causing this gem (zing!) to slip though my grubby paws.



I don't know who this delightfully bowl-cutted young man is, but I want in on this Unicorn Kingdom Club. Move, Miss Emily, get out the way. "Just close your eyes and grab onto the horn, " is a motto I can totally get behind.



video via reddit


Pin It

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

National Weather Got You Feeling The SADS? It's Time For A DANCE Break. (Jazz Hands!)

In most of the US today it's cold as a mf-ing polar bear's ween. So what will warm us up? DANCE!



Put on your best rainbow sour belt-inspired leotard, buy all the fringe that Michael's has to offer, and DANCE like it's 1982 and your leotard is too short in the stride and inhibits your posture!


But you know what? Dancing's not for everyone. Just stay well within your comfort zone.


Thanks, Snuggie, for introducing a new generation to the world of raising the roof. Now we can all look like a-holes for eternity.


video via reddit


Pin It

Monday, January 6, 2014

What's The Haps, Naked3 Palette? Plus, A Head-To-Head Smackdown Between Naked3 And the Original Naked Palette.

I finally stopped being lazy for 3.5 seconds, put my grown lady panties on, and made a video about Urban Decay's Naked3 palette. Give it a watch to see what gets me all hot and bothered (gross) about it, as well as how it stacks up against the original Naked. Now, LET'S GET NAKEY (X 3)!



By the way, here's a closer look at N3, if you're so inclined to see that sh*t up close and personal like:




You can pick up Naked3 here, or if original Naked is more your cup o' tea, check it here.



Pin It

Friday, January 3, 2014

Non-Dick Celebrity News Of The Day: Jennifer Hudson Buys Her Assistant/BFF A House And It's Adorable

Usually I feel like this about in regards to most humans:


It's pretty universal in my world. But then J Hud, the keeper of the amazing pipes, comes along does something super sweet and selfless and makes the rest of the celebrity world look like a big old bag o' d's. As the world's best boss move she bought her assistant, and friend since elementary school, A MF-ING HOUSE for Christmas. This video is him discovering the big reveal.



Well, that is just the cutest thing I've witnessed in a hot minute. The only thing more adorable than that is (maybe) a basket of kittens.



Yeah, that's pretty damn adorable.



Pin It

storystack

Google