Fresh Off Kris Jenner's Printing Press...

Let's talk about the Kardashian's Kristmas Kard. (You know Kris Jenner spells it that way.) It's obviously not split like this, but I wanted to get the closest look possible. A few points of interest:

• Why are the lesser earners all forced to be on the left?
• Why does Kris Jenner look like she skinned Ariel's fish tail and stole Mickey Mouse's bow tie to create her outfit? Someone thaw out Walt Disney, stat!
• Where is Kim's chin?
• Why is Kourtney's kid working it out harder than the rest of the family, most of which are paid models?
• Why is Kim so blatantly shoved shoved out in the front by herself? "She's so alone and strong!" -Kris Jenner's cray cray mixed up brain.

Okay, I'm over it.

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In It's About Damn Time News: Kim Richards Edition

Kim Richards of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has entered rehab to get help with her problems with alcohol. I'm glad, this b seems a mess and needs to get back on track. Good luck, Kimmy (not Gibbler)! Just keep rocking that pearl choker, sweetness, and we will all be okay.

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Vinny Wants You to Pretend That He's Raping You...

 You can file this under "Ummm, No Thanks." That Vinny dude from Jersey Shore wrote a rap, and TMZ has the romantic lyrics:

"I ain't got a girl ... You ain't got a man ...
I've got a date for ya ... and it's in my pants."

The rap continues: 
"Oh you a fan? You wanna take a pic?
I like your crack girl ... I wanna take a hit.
Yeah I'm takin' it ... I'm a get you naked b*tch ...
We can f**k and make it fit... boomin s**t and slatin' it.
Actin' like I'm raping it ...
f** k her til she fakin' it."

But wait, there's more: 
"If I act like a d*ck ... slap me with your t*ts."

 Seriously? What the eff is this mess? I just can't with any of these Jersey Shore h.a.m. sandwiches. Just go swim in your dirty MTV money like Scrooge McDuck and quit rapping about fake raping b's.

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