GUUUUUURL of the Day: Miley's Thirsty Ass Eyebrow Situation

Listen, I know that my slacking ass hasn't had a GOTD in roughly 3948753487 days, but times are tough, and whatnot. But after peeping the scene that is Mi Cy's current brow landscape, I couldn't let that sh*t slide.

via lily allen's ig

I don't really quite understand exactly WHAT IS HAPPENING where her eyebrows should be, but I do know that these are dire and desperate moments in brow history.

It looks to be a supreme bleach job, but I'm really hoping against all hopes that is all some kind of makeup tom foolery. Miley, I know that you are expressing your expression-y expressions of being young, wild and free, but SONOFAB*TCH, think of the children ('s eyeballs that have to see your eyebrow insanity). If this starts to become a thing, I will lose my mf-ing mind, and apparently my brow area.

I know you're just being Miley, but this thoroughly confusing eyebrow conundrum of epic proportions has earned your place as GUUUUUURL of the Day.

P.S. If Brit Brit is throwing you eyebrow shade, you know that that ish is out of control.





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6 Things I'm BEGGING You Not To Be This Halloween

I motherf*cking LOVE Halloween. Anytime you get to wear a costume, wig, and an ish ton of makeup without having a million judgement eyes on your ass is a great day in my nothing-is-too-much book. But with every upcoming H-ween deal comes the bad -- those horrible costumes that were created probably just to eff with my brain region. Here are my worst list, in no specific order. Please, please don't wear these bullsh*t monstrosities.

#1 - A Sexy Male Kid's Cartoon Icon.

via yandy.com (obvs)

You guys, is NOTHING sacred? No one wants to see a slutty version of the first cartoon they ever saw, before they were even potty trained. It's weird. And uncomfortable. For every b on the block. Plus, you will probably be sued by Disney if you wear this sh*t. It's not worth all that. Stick to slutty Mr. Rogers, it's much sexier.






 #2 - A Beer Pong Table...But Sexy.

via halloweencostumes.com

I mean, really, what the eff is this all about? A vinyl minidress and a ping pong ball necklace does not a college table game make. Beer Pong Table Costume, you are so dumb.

#3 - Whatever The Eff This Thing Is.

via yandy.com

WHAT IS THIS? No, seriously, tell me. If it's an octopus (don't make a lady part joke) costume, why are there roughly 10,000 tentacles on this b*tch? It defies even sexy logic. Go away.

#4 - Weird Food Sh*t, But Sexy. OBVIOUSLY.

via buycostumes.com

I love sriracha sauce. It's delicious. But that doesn't make me want to pull on some nude fishnets and a pointy dispenser-shaped chapeau and call it a costume. Somebody had a surplus of sexy ketchup bottle costumes from last year. Burn them all.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: A Sexy Banana With a Psuedo Ween.

via buycostumes.com

WHY WOULD ANYONE WEAR THIS? It doesn't even look like a friggin' banana, and the hang-y down thing creates the appearance of junk. Stop the insanity.

 #5 - Just A Lacy Bodysuit With Some Ears Hastily Thrown On.

via forplaycatalog.com

Please use one iota of creativity in costume creation, instead of going for the Mean Girls method of costuming.

Black lace bodysuits are best left for goth strippers (AKA my dream job) and not boring ass Halloween ideas.


#6 - ANYTHING Miley Cyrus Related.

via lookhuman.com

NO MILEY CYRUS COSTUMES THIS YEAR, in any capacity. My nonsense tanks are filled well past their limits with the Cyrus family, and I will cut you if you do this mess. I can hardly even look at a mullet lately, which breaks Billy Ray's achy breaky heart.

What costumes are you guys dreading placing your eyeballs on this year? Let's hash that sh*t out.



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SONOFAB*TCH, Miley Cyrus, This Time You've Gone Too Far.

There's a line that just can't be crossed in life, you guys. I semi-defended My Cy after the VMAs when everyone was giving her sh*t, because she's a young buck and we've all been there. But her latest nonsensery HAS GONE TOO DAMN FAR.

E Online has some quotes from Miley's Rolling Stone interview, in which SHE TALKED MAD SH*T ABOUT BREAKING BAD, the best show that has ever graced eyeballs in eyeball history.

Listen to this crap:

"Breaking Bad I just got into, but I haven't been able to keep up with it as much. There's just a lot of him coughing. I'm in the first season, and the coughing is driving me crazy."

"Like, we get it. You're dying. Do you really need a whole two-minute scene of another cough attack? It's too much. In every bad situation, how does he get out? He just starts coughing."

Ummmm, what? Listen, Miley, homeboy('s character) HAS CANCER. I'm sorry that his coughing is too offensive to your sensitive eardrums. That sh*t is straight rude. Get it together, boo.

See if I ever give you a hall pass for acting a trash bag again. Walter White 4 EVA, mofo.




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This Is Why We Can't Have Annoying Things...

Because it creates other, even more annoying, things.



"It's smells like my baseball cleats. EWWWWW!" Oh, hell to the naw. The original version of this song is already moderately irritating, but this sh*t is ridiculous. I don't have kids, and nonsense like this is why I've sealed up my uterus.

Parents, please don't buy this. It's friggin' dumb, you guys. For future Earthlings (are easy), or whatever, I beg of you.



This was my jam when I was a kid, and look how wonderfully I turned out.

Case not closed.




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