Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week for Allure, I delve into ways to Graduate Your Beauty Look. Go check it out and stop boring the sh*t out of yourself when you look in the mirror.



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Ballsy on a Budget-- White Polish Edition

There's just something about white polish, man. It's so bright and perfect, and weirdly edgy. It makes me feel like a high school kid boredly white out-ing their asses into emo perfection.

cameo by kiki la rue, who won't get the eff out of the shot

But here's the thing about white nail polish -- sh*t's a totally b*tch to get right. It's very often bumpy, and takes friggin' FOR. EV. ER. to dry, so it's usually totally effed within the hour. But I finally got badassery in a bottle this time around with a few tricks. First, you HAVE to use a base coat. I used Bassline from Floss Gloss. I followed it up with a WHITE BASE POLISH, using the base from one of the Revlon Nail Art Neon Nail Enamels. I then used a coat (or two -- can't remember) of whatever white polish you're into. Just make sure it's opaque. Finish it up with a top coat, doy, because you don't want it to look like you used white out FOR REAL, for real. Aaaannnnd scene.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

As you should, boo boo. As you should.




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Beauty Sh*t That Reminds Me of My Favorite Lovah, Wine.

Wine is the ish, you guys. And so beauty mess that reminds me of my ride-or-die b, wine, is the ish, by proxy. Doy. And now that I have your attention (WINE) and I'm drinking (WINE), let's get this party started. But not with P!nk. I'm not that drunk. (Yet.)

My favorite wine-inspo category is probably the nail variety. Wine nails are effin' hot, y'allz. They're vampy and sexy, and make my ass feel glamorous, which is kind of a hard thing to do. I'm trash.

essie in recessionista (target, $7.79) & revlon top speed in forbidden (drugstore.com, $3)

I've already told you homies about the deal with Essie's Recessionista, but it's worth repeating. To me, it's a true wine color. It's not as dark as some wine-y polishes, and it's super classy -- if that's your bag o' tricks. I'm you are a tad darker, and maybe a cheap ass --



then Revlon's Top Speed in Forbidden might be for you. It's goth, hot, and dries fast. (Three things I look for in a dude...NO!) Plus, it's $3 right now on drugstore.com, so go snatch that ish, crazy brains.

elizabeth arden beautiful color radiance blush in plum perfection, $26

The Elizabeth Arden peeps sent over some of their new blush colors for me to try, and I'm super into this one. It's called Plum Perfection, so it's not REALLY wine, but I'm sure you can get plum wine...somewhere. This blush has the tiniest hint of glimmer, and it's very subtle, so you can use it and not feel like you belong in the Insane Clown Posse. (If ICP were really into wearing heavy blush, or something.) But the color is really cool and different, so I'm into it. Just keep it to the apples of your cheeks to keep from looking like you were somehow squeezed into an 80's time capsule.

tarte lipsurgence matte lip tint in envy, $24

I got this tarte LipSurgence somewhere, at some point in time (I can't be held to remembering actual THINGS), and I live for this sh*t. I really love tarte lip products because they are minty and fabulous. And I REALLY love this stuff because it's what Kat Dennings wears on 2 Broke Girls, and I want to borderline Single White Female that b. It lasts a long time, and you can also apply and blot if you want a more demure, stain-y look. (But who the eff does?!?)

Okay, that's it, mofos. I'm all wined out. (NEVAAAAR!)

 Pssshhh. No sh*t.




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GUUUUUURL of the Day: The Non-Elegance That Is "Manicured Hands Holding Pearls."

I was watching Snapped last night, which is surprisingly boring for a show about murder, when I realized how much I really, really hate something.

This is a screen shot of the opening of the show, and there's my annoying nemesis -- "Manicured Hands Holding Pearls." I've always been confounded and irritated by the painted nails/multi strands of pearls deal, stemming from my mid-90's, teen talon (long-as-hell, chocolate brown, acrylic nails) days, when posters of this mess was plastered up everywhere and in every damn nail salon.

ugh. like i'm going to pay for this crap.

ohhhh. so glamourous and edgy.

bigger balls.

Listen b's, don't sue me for using these pictures. I'VE GOT TO DEMONSTRATE SH*T. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to feel when I look at this crap. Understated elegance? A reminder that I hate french manicures? Rich b*tches love clutching all of their pearl strands at once?

I give up on looking at things with my eyes.



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Random Homie: Duri Nail Polish

You guys know that I love telling your asses about nail polish brands that you (might) have not heard of before. The peeps at Duri Cosmetics sent me a variety of polishes from their Spring collection to try, and at $6 a pop, you need to come and ride this polish train (and ride it).

duri's spring line ($6 each), afterhours on top

The color I chose to highlight is Afterhours, which is a beige-y/silver with a dab of lavender.

afterhours by duri, $6

So I like to match my toes with my shoes with my couch. Get off my jock, man. And sorry for the foot pic, I know it's kind of gross unless you're into weird foot stuff. If so, play on, playa.

I've had this polish on my toes for almost a week now, during which time I have worn boots, heels, sandals, been barefoot in the mountains, gone to a wedding, driven through three states, worked on my tired ass feet, hung out in a (possibly) haunted house, done homies' makeup, broken up yorkie/chihuahua dog fights, and more -- and ish still looks pristine as a mofo. I'm sold. Get out your six bucks, dudes, this is good. Check out all of the Duri polish choices here.




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How To Not Be Super Boring In Your Hand Area, Even If You Can't Do That Nail Art Sh*t.

To be realzzz with you, I'm super surprised that the whole nail art trend mess is still going down. It's not really something that most peeps can do with their own two hands, and it's been going on for way longer than a hot ass minute. But just because you aren't sponge painting ice cream cones onto your pinkie nails, doesn't mean you have to succumb to having your paws take the next train to Blahsville. Try these easy, and MUCH lazier ways of having an exciting mani.

Be like Mariah, and let that ish Glitter.

stun & dimepiece from floss gloss ($8 each)

I have straight up (now tell me) been on Floss Gloss' junk for a while now, and that's because their ish is the boss. Especially the glitter polishes, which are 100% opaque after two coats. This is no willy nilly nonsense. This polish is straight Willy Wonka's golden ticket on your tips. (I SAID TIPS.) Check out all of the Floss Gloss color choice (they are all hot) here.

Stick it. (Why are these all terrible movie titles?)

incoco nail stickers in boo! ($9.99)

Okay, so these are Halloween-themed nail stickers from Incoco, but IT'S MUMMIES AND THEY GLOW. That sh*t is timeless. If you can't paint real, live, mummies on your nails, this is totally the next best thing. And these stickers are so friggin' easy to use. They take me ten minutes to put on, when others take me, like, an hour. STOP JUDGING ME WITH YOUR EYES. See all of the (non-mummy) available Incoco designs here.

Get neon in this mutha effer.

revlon nail art neon polish (target, $7.99)

Call me trash, but I love neon polish right now. It's fun, and makes you feel uber Saved by the Bell-ish without wearing a Hypercolor t-shirt. The best thing about this Revlon Nail Art Neon Polish is the white base coat. It makes the neons even more neon-y. And there are ten colors to choose from, so you can definitely find one that will work for your ass. Unless you hate bright colors. Then you won't find one that will work for your ass. Try Hot Topic for "Black as Sadness," or whatever. Check the Revlon Neon array here.

via petwat tumblr

You officially aren't boring (on your hands), anymore. You look guuuurd, girl.






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Random Homie: Mariah Carey's OPI Stay the Night from INPINK

My hands look like they're made from glittery moon rock, you guys, and I mean that ish in the best way possible. The nice people over at INPINK sent me a sample of the highly anticipated (in my heart) OPI/Mariah Carey callabo polish, Stay the Night ($9) and also a sassy little pave bracelet ($20), which I have been wearing the eff out of.

Now let's talk the polish. It's a black, matte polish with a pink glitter in it. And the finish is called sand, which means it dries to a sandpaper-type finish. It's seriously unlike any other nail product I've used. It's like a pumice stone, but glittery as sh*t. (Is that THE WORST description, ever?) You just need two coats of polish to get this sweet ass finish, but don't use a top coat because it's meant to look like SAND, hello. And I feel like the wear of the polish will be really long, because I've been wearing it for three days, and don't really have any chips. That's pretty unheard of for me, because I am hard as hell on my nails. They are like my own ten personal swiss army knives...that are attached to my hand.

See? It's still looking damn good, people. I'm totally into it. It makes me feel like this:

via mrhankey

 I really recommend this ish, if nothing more than it's different than anything I've ever tried before. Go visit the INPINK site to see all of the Mariah Carey/OPI possibilities. Hellllllooooo, moon fingers!




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Random Homie: Essie Recessionista Nail Polish

Essie Recessionista, $8

I was initially torn on making this b a RH, you guys. I've had this polish for a hot ass minute (I think I got it in the Allure Best of Beauty SWAG), but I never used it. It has just kind of given me a big ol' case of the "Meh"s in the bottle. But I read an article somewhere recently (my brain doesn't retain real facts) where some hoity toity fashion-y/beauty person was all, "Essie Recessionista is my jam of all jams." Okay, they were probably more like, "I really enjoy the plummy undertones of Recessionista," but you get my point. Either way, it motivated my lazy ass to actually try the polish, instead of just judging the sh*t out of it from afar.

I'm a thorough b face. Recessionista in THREE kinds of lighting.

Okay, okay. So color my ass wrong. It's effin' nice, right? It really doesn't look old lady-ish (That's just my old lady hands, shut up!) It's a deep red, with a slight purplish touch, but not ass deep as Essie Wicked or OPI Lincoln Park After Dark. Bottom line -- into it, and totally Random Homie worthy.

Pick Recessionista up for yourself at local drugstores/Targets/what have you, or here.



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Random Homie: Incoco Nail Polish Strips in Cheers!

Incoco in Cheers!, $8.99

I have made myself VERY clear on the fact that I am captain of the Lazy Committee. (If you want to join, you do nothing. And we will never, ever meet -- we are also sponsored by the We Hate Everyone Club.) And my laziness seems to at least triple in force when it comes to nail care. If you could see my toenail polish situation right now, you would literally vomit your entire face off. Dire straits, I'm talking.

So when Incoco sent me their nail polish strips to try, I was excited but reserved. In the past, I've had mixed results with nail strips. A lot of them are like trying to put a damn child's plastic toy shovel on your nail and hoping that ish sticks. Spoiler alert: It totally doesn't. When I opened the package, this is what I found:

Like, literally, every friggin' thing you MIGHT even ever need to apply these things, including wipes to remove them. Holy eff, that never happens with these kits! And I'm pretty sure that the little pack of strips are clear coats, although I couldn't figure it out. When I opened the actual pack of polish strips, I knew these b's were something different. It actually SMELLED LIKE NAIL POLISH. Whaaaat? Imagine, nail strips made from actual nail polish. And the polish was really cool. Black with chunky pieces of glitter, not some wimpy ass glitter tossed here and there -- these were like Ke$ha glitter volume. And applying these puppies was about 39843% easier than the strips I've tried before. The whole process took maybe 15 minutes, when it usually takes me about an hour to get that sh*t tight with those tricky ass strips.

The results -- blang blam!

And the wear is pretty awesome, too. I'm on day four, and I only have some slight wear on the tips of my nails. No chips or peeling, yet. Bottom line -- so friggin' easy even I can do it. I might have some new ride or die nail homies, y'all. Check out all of the colors and such from Incoco here.

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Random Homie: Layla Ceramic Effect Nail Polish in #53

Zappos, $9.95 with FREE shipping

Before I received this Layla polish, I had never heard of the brand. It's apparently an Italian nail polish company, and they were one of the first peeps to do the whole magnetic polish deal. The color I tried is best described as a ruby red with flakes of red glitter. But the glitter isn't like your gamgam's glitter from Michael's. This polish looks like lava is painted on your nails.

My photography skills are straight sh*t.

I COULD NOT get a good representation of these nails in any light.

See? Terrible.

But I promise they are badass. And the polish dries really fast, which my lazy ass truly appreciates. The company says you don't need a base or top coat, but I did both anyway. What can I say? I can't be tamed. I break all the rules. Anyway, check out all of the colors over at Zappos and see what you think. Now I'm going to put on my Katniss Everdeen "girl on fire" dress to match my nails.

It has officailly come to a point that I can NEVER again mention Jennifer Lawrence/Katniss Everdeen in this space. Homegirl is one more mention away from legally making sure I stay 100 feet away from her ass.



Update: This is an easily chipping polish, which is pretty standard for glittery ass polishes, but I just had to keep it real with my b's. I wrote this post last night, and am now on my work lunch break, and I've got some chipping happening. But like some Level 2 type ish. Nothing insane.





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Random Homie: Deborah Lippman Forsaken Sookie Sookie Nail Lacquer Duo

I originally got this Deborah Lippmann Forsaken Sookie Sookie Nail Lacquer Duo from my friends over at HSN a few months ago. (Reppin' my hood...They're right down the street from me. Heeeeeey, boos!) And in a total d*ck move, I completely forgot to even try it until they were WAAAAAY sold out of the set over at HSN. 

That ish is rude as hell, and I apologize. What a crap beauty blogger I am. And True Blood fan. And person...

The two polishes in the kit include: Human Nature (mortal putty taupe), and Fairydust (ethereal shimmer). I have never used a Deborah Lippman polish before, and let me say, that mess is pretty freaking amazing. The polish is thick in a luxury way, not an "old, gross nail polish I found under my couch" way. The coverage is great, and I love both of these colors. I currently have a human hand and a fairy hand, and I'm totally into it. I can't wait to accumulate one million more DL polishes. Awwww Sookie, Sookie, now. HSN had the set at an amazing price ($25), but if you still want to get down to True Blood town with this set, it is available here from Nordstrom for a few more buckaroos.

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The Badass B List: Drugstore Cowboys

I have shared with you guys before that I'm a cheap ass b.  I love perusing the aisles of Target/CVS/Walgreens/Wherever the hell to see the newest drugstore wares available. I've been doing it since I was in college, which was roughly two years ago. (Shut up! I want to start lying about my age. I'm sick of being the Blanche of the group. I want to be the Brenda Walsh again. I want to go to Paris on Summer break!) Over all of these years I have found some old standby favorites, and have compiled them here for you.

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum 

drugstore.com, $19.99

I effing adore this stuff. As a beauty blogger (hoity toity ass), it's kind of my deal to try out a lot of different skin care dealios. They don't always work for my skin, which results in crazy breakouts and a hot, hot mess of a face. My life is very glamorous. But, I can always count on this stuff to bring my face back to normalcy. It's a little pricey for a drugstore item, but it's very reasonable for a retinol. Trust. And retinols are great for acne as well as wrinkles, so another sweet thing about this formula is that it's a serum, and not paired with some heavy ass cream that won't work for oily skin.

Sally Hershberger Supreme Lift Root Boost & Heat Protect

drugstore.com, about $11

Have ya' heard? My hair is fine and flat. Meh. I've tried almost one billion (I counted) volumizing products, and I feel like this one works the best. I apply it only at the roots, because it takes away shine, like all volumizers tend to do. And the hair stylist used this on my hair when I was a fancy lady and got my hair cut at the Sally Hershberger salon in NYC. So that means one thing: It's good, y'all.

Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Castille Soap

target, $16.99 for a BIG ASS bottle

 I'm kind of a hippie. I'm one of those annoying people that tries to eat only organic food, buy my food from a local hippie market, blah, blah, blah. That ish does not really mix well with beauty products a lot of times. So whenever I can, I try to use more natural-ish stuff. Dr. Bronner's is pretty much as natural as you can get when it comes to soap. I use it as a body wash and a shaving cream, but apparently you can even use it for toothpaste and cleaning your house and crap -- too much work. A little goes a long way with this stuff, and the peppermint is refreshing as hell. Just make sure you avoid your eyes and no no spots with extreme care. There's peppermint oil in that thurrr bottle.

L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara

target, SPECIAL HOLIDAY DUAL PACK!!! $8.99

This. B*tch. Seriously, I love this mascara (almost) as much as I love cake. And I know I have shared my love before, but I have been trying a friggin' myriad of brands and formulas over the past several months, and I always seem to come back to Voluminous. I put it millimeters under my ride or die b's, Diorshow and Lancome Hypnose. Voluminous is just so damn rich and thick and makes it look like you have the lushest of lashes. AND it's not crunchy when it dries. (I hate that mess.)

Rembrandt Deeply White Toothpaste

drustore.com, about $6

This toothpaste is about twice the price of a tube of Crest, or whatever, but the whitening power is so much greater. I am not CRAZY about using a non-natural toothpaste (hippie, again), but sometimes my vain ass overpowers my brain. And when it does, I use this toothpaste. Because the ish works. Period.

Seche Vite Top Coat

CVS, $8.99

Once again, this is a little pricier than a cheapo polish top coat. BUT. This stuff is freaking amazing. It's very thick, but not in a hard-to-apply kind of way. It's more of an almost acrylic looking nail that you are left with. And it's a fast drying top coat, so you don't have to sit on your ass of three hours waiting for your nails to dry. (That part is completely optional.)

That's it, boo boos! Have you guys used any drugstore items that you can't live without? Share with a b! This ain't no one way street.

P.S. Maybe being Blanche isn't so bad.

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Random Homie: Revlon Top Speed Fast Dry Nail Enamel in Sterling

Have ya' heard? I'm a lazy ass b. So when it comes to painting any phalanges (Does that include toes, too?), I have a less than stellar track record.

pic via unitedstatesoftony

 So when Revlon gave me one of the new Top Speed Nail Enamels in Sterling, I was pumped to try it. Any time saved that I can spend lying around is a major bonus to me. One issue that I have had in the past with fast drying polishes is that they tend to bubble or the finish on the polish is funky as hell. I used two coats of polish and finished with a top coat, and the finish was super shiny and smooth. And it dried really fast. (I don't have the specifics or anything, I'm not an effin' scientist up in here.)

All I know is that I'm sold. So go search out your local drustores/wherever you choose to purchase your ish and try this mess. It's the monkey's mittens. (I'm over the cat's pajamas.)

 

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The Badass B List: Best Ish You Might've Never Heard Of

I am usually trying/reviewing stuff that's pretty effin' mainstream. You know, you can buy it at a convenience store practically. Don't get me wrong -- it's great to have beauty products at the tips of your fingers, but it doesn't always mean they're the best. I have been sent some beauty products to try that I have never, ever heard of before, and ending up being my ride or die homies and I just HAD to put them on my Badass B List.

Me & the Girls' Lavandula Revive Foot Scrub, $24

My feet are rough as hell. I don't ever get pedicures, and I wear INSANE shoes all the time, so it's typically not cute to feel my feet. I got this foot scrub from Me & the Girls, and it is heaven. It has spearmint butter creme base with fine grain organic sugar cane. I kind of want to eat it, but I don't, so I get points for that. All of the MATG products are at least 98% organic, so that is crazy badass. But best of all, this stuff leaves my feet smooth and silky AND super moisturized. Check out the rest of the MATG products here.

Beauty for Real's Illuminating Lip Gloss, $22

I seriously can't even stop with this lip gloss. I haven't stopped wearing it since I got that b. The color I'm wearing above is called Deeply in Love. It starts out as an ox blood reddish, and it fades beautifully into an almost stain. I've never had a gloss texture that I like so much, and that wore so well. It doesn't get clumpy, sticky, uneven, or weird. AND it has a cooling, minty flavor. AND the applicator has not only a mirror, but also a LIGHT on the package. Mess is IN mofo SANE, people. See all the colors here.

Floss Gloss Nail Polish, $8

Hot damn, you guys. My picture does this nail polish ZERO justice. The shade of Floss Gloss shown is Stun, and it is so beyond the friggin' cat's pajamas that is like the cat's tuxedo. All of the polishes have no Dibutyl Phthalate (DBP), no Toluene, no Formaldehyde and no Formaldehyde Resin, so you can rest easy with that mess. I thought when I tried Stun that it was going to be a glittery top coat, because I already had a red polish on my nails. But as you can see, my ass was sorely mistaken. Stun is a full-on glitter polish that was 99% opaque with one coat. My nails look like a sexy, golden Studio 54 ball, and I'm obsessed. See the full range of colors (that I can't wait to try) here.

This is the first installment of The Badass B List, which I will be TRYING to make a thing -- like fetch. So stay tuned for that nonsense.




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Oh, Snap. Get My Brown Lip Liner and Frosted Lipstick Back, STAT.

Word on the (beauty) street is that chocolate nails are back for fall. To which I say, been there, done that, got the long ass acrylic nails to prove it. (Well, not the actual nails. That would be disgusting. I have the PICTURES to prove it.)

Let's get a closer look at those hot, hot talons of late 90's sexy.

Woooooow. (Flavor Flav voice -- I that even a slightly relevant reference? Nope, not at all.) So, I'm not sure if I'm to jump all up on this bandwagon yet, but I did find some great polishes to kick off the chocolate rain craze.

butter London in Tramp Stamp, $14

Essie in Chocolate Cakes, $8

NYX in Matte Chocolate Brown, about $6

Will you guys try chocolate nails again? Or did you get your fill (har, har) of the choco trend back in the day?



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