Showing posts with label Makeup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Makeup. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Allure Insiders Get The Look: Orange Is The New Black Makeover Mashup



The subject of this week's Allure Insiders video is one of my favorites (uh, doy). I took three of my favorite characters from my beloved OITNB and created a mashup look from little pieces of all of them. Watch on to see who I chose.

And if you aren't caught up on the show, what the eff are you waiting on? Head over to Netflix and binge-watch the hell of it like any sane person would, then come back over hear and lets talk about it! (I finished this weekend, obviously.)


P.S. If you don't want to "boop" Suzanne, I don't even know you.




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Monday, June 2, 2014

Video Time: Every-Damn-Thing I Use On The Daily



I made a crazy, long ass video on pretty much every friggin' thing that I use beauty-wise (and some random shit) every day. You are probably throwing me an "I give exactly zero effs" side eye through the interwebs right now, so feel free to skip this video if you aren't interested in my mess of a daily life.

If you are into this, I cover everything from skin care products to deodorant, to makeup and the earrings I've been wearing for a solid four years. If you have any questions about anything I mention, holler at your girl in the comments.




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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Allure Insiders Get The Look: Mariah Carey "Honey" Tutorial



MY FIRST ALLURE INSIDERS VIDEO IS OUT, YOU GUYS. This one is near and dear to my heart because it's all about Mariah Carey. But not now-times Mariah, I'm all about MC in the "Honey" video. It's one of my favorites because it combines so many incredible things: Kangol hats, jet skis, zip-up swimwear and clip-on ponytails. So, check it out and see what you think.

I'll be coming out with a new video every other Tuesday, so I'll post them here if you feel like perusing the goodies.

P.S. I've been out of town for the past several days, so I'll get back to the reg when I get back into town tomorrow night. Sorry for being a crap-ster, part 23984039284.







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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Summer Beauty Stuffs I Never Knew I Needed (Until Now)

I'm figuratively dying, man. And not even in a friggin' cerebral, existential crisis kind of way. I'm talking about how it's hot as shit, and I want to cry and/or never, ever leave my house because it's over 100 degrees outside. Which is an INSANE temperature to expect a human to exist normally. (RIP, polar ice caps.)


In order to ease my First World pains, I've done some beauty soul-searching to find products that a) make me feel better, and b) help me to semi-live a life that seems like it's happening in a post-apocalyptic Earth. Even if it doesn't yet feel like the ninth ring of Hell where you're living, ANTI-WINTER IS COMING, so you better step to planning.

Alt White Mani


My love for a fresh-to-death white polish job is right up there (almost) with my fondness for wine-drinking times. But after awhile I get a little bored with the same ol' thang, and want to find a way to mix it up when it comes to that bright white mani. Don't worry your pretty little head, because I've found a couple options to update this whole deal. 

My first alternative (above) was sampled to me by the indie polish brand Seven and Parker. The shade is called "Mr. White," and it's a frosty, opaque white with a touch of silver, from the brand's upcoming Reservoir collection. It's not available just quite yet, put S&P's "Girl in Pale Pink Coat" is a very pale pink shimmery polish that has a similar feel. Or just keep an eye out on the Seven and Parker website for "Mr. White" to become available. This is the perfect polish for a cool-toned white option, and I can't get enough.


If warm tones are more your thing, my girls at Floss Gloss sent me some bomb white substitutes. "Biscuits" is an almost buttery cream color, while "Selena Corpus Crystalina" is a sheer white glitter that's great to top off whatever polish you're currently feeling. Or you can layer them together and create a sugary, all-white-everything buttered biscuit dream. It's your world, baby.

Skindinavia: The Makeup Primer Spray


I begged Skindinavia to send me some of their brand new Primer Spray ($35), because I pretty much feel the need to use a primer anytime I wear foundation, but with this hot ass existence currently happening, the thought of slathering another layer of something on my face is less than mf-ing appealing. This formula is a super-lightweight spray, so it's perfect for the summertimes. It made my foundation stay put even after going to the gym because, YES, I'm one of THOSE that wears makeup to workout. I know, I'm the worst.

I actually took a picture of my hand using the primer with foundation, then without, but my embarrassment over my extremely poor hand selfie-ing skills prevented me from posting it. I do have some standards, believe it or not. But the with-primered  hand foundation was much, much smoother than the sans-primered hand. Just trust me on this one.

Tarte: Not So Slick Blotting Papers


Reason number 309485039 that crazy hot weather can suck it? It gets my oil glands kickin' into overdrive. And although I will use those rubbery drugstore blotting papers (as well as toilet paper, receipts and the back of my hand) in a pinch, I've always been a little bothered by what exactly those little homies are made from. Bike tires? Old scrunchie elastics?

I didn't worry about that at all when tarte sent me these tarte not so slick blotting papers ($10) to try. They're naturally-derived, but still sop up oil better than the longest Target receipt. CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT.

Powerful Drugstore Lips


Spring and Summer make me want to wear the hell out of a heavy-hitting lipstick. And because I like a variety to spice up my mouth area, it's even better if that 'stick is super-affordable. I've accumulated a pretty boss arsenal of lovely lipsticks, but these two just keep popping up on my lips. As you can see, these mofos are well-loved/used and abused.

I've already shared my deep affections for NYX Matte Lipstick in "Indie Flick" ($6), but it bears repeating. That's how into this lipstick I am. A new(ish) love for me is the even lower-priced Wet n Wild MegaLast Lip Color in "Sugar Plum Fairy" ($1.89 at Walgreens). You literally don't get more affordable for a bangin' lipstick than that. What make these an even better deal? They both are highly-pigmented and last all the live-long day. Top that!


P.S. Robin Lively is the best Lively. Don't argue with me.

Brush on Block


I almost didn't include this little guy in this round-up, but I use it a ton so it just felt necessary. But full disclosure on this one: someone sent this to me FOREVER ago to try, and I just now started using it. When I went to get all the deets on it today, I noticed that what I've been using expired a year ago (don't care, 10/10 will still use), and also the company and packaging seems to be completely different. Either way, I really think that this is a great product, so I'll tell you all of the current info.

Brush on Block ($30) is an SPF 30 mineral powder sunscreen with a retractable brush protector thing-y on it, which makes it really portable and easy to use and store. The powder actually comes through the makeup brush, so you just brush it all over your face before you go outside. I like to walk to a coffee shop that's about half a mile from my house a few mornings a week, and this is so easy to brush on in the morning without worrying about rubbing on a sticky ass SPF lotion. It really meets my lazy, vampiric skin needs quite nicely.

It does have a touch of color to the powder, so I don't know if it would blend well with deeper skin tones, or if it's pretty translucent on everyone. (The website says it's translucent.) One bonus for this stuff is that you can buy refills for $16, so you aren't buying the whole damn brush thing every time. Bottom line -- this stuff is a total oldie-face preventative that I need in my life.

That's it. I've spilled every Summer secret I have now. So I guess I'll meet you guys at the crossroads. Or tomorrow-ish. Whatever.


If you need me, I'll be posted up in Alaska, like woah. But keep my sweaty ass company by telling me all about your favorite Summery products in the comments.



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Monday, April 21, 2014

Build-A-Brow Workshop: For Next Level Eyebrows


Hey, have we met? If so, I'm sure you've heard the good word: I'm completely friggin' eyebrow obsessed. Eyebrows are the reason that I started this blog. Eyebrows are the reason that I get out of bed some days. I don't leave the house sans brows of some sort, ever. I pity the fool that has to see my sad sack face without them.

This annoying ass character flaw is a complete detriment to my psyche, but it is somewhat beneficial. Because of my whack, over-the-top eyebrow compulsion, I have tried tons of brow products and techniques and whittled them down to a refined non-art. Whether you prefer your brows to be fresh-to-death natural or bold and slapping mofo's eyeballs out, I've got you covered. Soup to nuts. (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?)

The Natural


If this is your brow style, you are probably fresh-faced and low maintenance. I wish I was you. Even if you're one of those "I don't really wear that much on muh face" ladies, your eyebrows need a little love 'n' such. Brow gels are right up your au nautrale alley, honey.


I really love Anastasia's Brow Gel, but I've used everything from CoverGirl clear mascara to spraying hairspray on a clean mascara wand. It's your damn life, live it how you choose. The real key here is how you apply whatever you're using. You want to brush your eyebrows up first, then over toward the end of your brow. THAT'S IT, MAYNE.

This will give you just enough natural polish to your brow game, without any color or fuss. Play on, natural playa.

The Lazy Bold Bitch


This next tier of brows is my everyday shit. It gives me plenty of boldness and hold, all in one little baby boo faced product, which is really in tune with my lazy sensibilities. This is for you if you want bangin' brows, but don't feel like completing 49850238409 steps to attain them.


This brow look is all about the Anastasia Dipbrow Pomade, which is apparently sold out everywhere, but cop it when it comes back. It's magic. It's easy to go overboard (like my favorite Goldie Hawn movie) with this stuff, so there's a method to perfection.

Instead of starting to outline your eyebrows at the start of the brows, begin at the inner bottom of the arch and follow all the way to the tail. Do the same at the top line of the brows, starting a little ways back, then fill in the whole tail end of the brows. Think of it almost like your eyebrows are an ombre dye job. Keep the darker stuff at the ends and use a lighter hand at the front. So with that in mind, fill in the front eyebrow area with just what's left on your brush after you've done the rest, to keep it natural, natch.

The Veruca Salt 


If you want to use every brow product that has ever been created in a lab and also have peeps dogging you on the street for your eyebrow secrets, like you're in some brow-centric music video, this is bud's for you. The VS brow is my "I'm trying" eyebrow go-to because, well, it takes actual effort, which is a lot for me.


To start this whirlwind, line your eyebrow starting at the very inner point closest to your nose, using a light-colored pencil, and outline the bottom line of your brow. Repeat the same deal on the top, again starting at the very inner top point. Now fill in the back tail of the brow with a darker shadow or brow powder. Next, shade in the front area with a lighter powder, which will smudge and disguise the lines you've drawn, and avoid eyebrows that could slice a b. Finish up with brow gel.

Voila, the boldest brow on the street. Veruca Salt would shove her red drop waist dress in a paper shredder to get next to your eyebrows, just so she could get them now.



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Monday, April 7, 2014

Dammit, I'm Back On The Gloss

I've been on a major lipstick bender for the past few months. It's been a pretty ride-or-die matte lipstick moment in my life, really. Then all of that flew out the window when I got a box of samples from tarte, which included EIGHT SHADES of the LipSurgence lip gloss ($19). I peed my friggin' pants a little, then I fell in love.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend
It was like lip gloss screamed, "I'm back, bitches!" in my heart. And it was like we had never parted. Like The Notebook or some shit.


tarte LipSurgence lip gloss in tipsy, $19
Is this too dramatic? Sorry. I've always been an over-actor. Bottom line, these homies are legit. They're super shiny, not sticky, are pretty long lasting (for a gloss), and come in a variety of cupcake-y colors. Here are the ones that I gave a whirl:

I arranged them in order of what I felt like I would wear most to least, but that's really a load of bullshit, because there was not one that I was all, "Ick, nast," about. And that's saying something, because I hate 99% of all things.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend
But I would wear every single one of these puppy dogs in the drop of a dime piece, no questions asked. The colors are sheer, but still pigmented, and I think they would be gorgeous on a wide range of skin tones. EVERYONE WINS.

If you want to check them for yourself, see the full tarte LipSurgence cornucopia of offerings here.


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Monday, March 31, 2014

Take Your Lashes From Sad Sack To BADASS


Eyelashes, man. They can be a total make-or-beak deal in your beauty game. If I ever happen to catch a picture of myself sans mascara, I almost scare myself to death, like something straight out of Scary Eye-less Stories to Tell in the Dark, or some shit. It's not good.

But because I suffer from this disappearing eye condition, I have fine-tuned the steps to get the absolute MOST out of my lashes. Follow along with me on this journey from "OHHOLYSHITITHINKTHATLADYMURDEREDSOMEONE" to "There's a human!"

STEP ONE: Put some eyeliner in those skin spaces in your lash line.


Look at my before picture and honestly tell me you aren't scared that I might push your ass into a well and force you to rub lotion on your skin suit. You can't tell me that. Don't worry, we'll get almost all of my Buffalo Bill out.

I learned this eyeliner tip directly from Trish McEvoy, who is the natural-looking makeup queen. It makes your lashes look instantly thicker, no bones about it. You can also do this with a pencil liner, and just dab it in-between your lashes. Try this. It will CHANGE YOUR EYELASH LIFE. I'm only being slightly dramatic about that.

STEP TWO: Put some loose powder on your lashes.


This might sound a little weird, but brushing on a little powder to your lashes acts like a primer and forces mascara to get all up on your fringe. Even on those baby bitches. No eyelash will be safe.

STEP THREE: Curl the hell out of your lashes.


If you aren't on the eyelash curler party bus yet, I seriously need a 600 word essay on why the eff not. It opens up your eyes like nothing else can, and makes you look at least 200% more awake.

There are a few different schools of thought on HOW you should actually curl your lashes. I'm a put-the-curler-at-the-base-of-lashes-and-squeeze-for-10-seconds kind of person, but others like to squeeze at the base then repeat mid-shaft. (HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT MAKE PRIVATE PARTS JOKES RIGHT NOW? TELL ME HOW TO LIVE.) Whatever your method is, curl those puppies like they're poodles.

P.S. Always curl your lashes pre-mascara, or you will rip those damn things out of your face. Not cute.

STEP FOUR: Grab two different mascara formulas and layer them.


Grab your first mascara selection and apply one coat, starting at the base of your lashes and vigorously wiggling it through your eyelashes. Now wait 60 seconds. Use your second mascara to apply another layer, pulling your lashes in both directions as you go. If you got all clumped up, brush through with one of those weird tiny eyelash combs or a clean mascara wand.

Listen, I'm not Mr. Wizard. I don't know why using two different mascaras works better than two coats of the same formula, but it just does. Try it, and let me know if you think I'm a crazy cat lady in the brain.


That's the end? Yep, we're done, you sexy ass minxes! Now let's all go awkwardly wink our long n' luscious lashes at mofos until we get arrested for being weird creeps.




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Monday, March 17, 2014

Makeup Quickie: Easy, Slightly Badass St. Patrick's Day Eye, Completely Sans Cheese


Happy St. Patrick's Day! Today is kind of one of the best makeup days o' the year, because you can pretty much get away with whatever the eff you feel like doing to your face. Glitter? Great. Neon green shit? Sure. A full-on gingery leprechaun beard made from dyed Barbie hair? As you wish, Princess Butercup.


But, if you're looking for something that's easy and has a slight edge, without screaming, "IN YO' FACE, SHAMROCK SHAKES," then follow me down this easy ass yellow brick road of St. Paddy's face fun. There are three easy steps to this eye, and then you can get on with the drinky drink times.

Step One: Line the bottom of your eye (waterline included) with a green eyeliner, swooping it up a little at the end.


Step Two: Top the line off with some green eyeshadow, and smudge it up a bit.


Step Three: Cat eye your ass off with some black liquid liner goodness on your upper lash line.


Done. Off you go to find the Mobile Leprechaun.




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Friday, March 7, 2014

Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure's facebook page
This month for Allure, I funneled all of my crazy, weird love for pop stars into a slideshow all about "10 Beauty Looks Inspired From the 10 Times You Wanted to Be a Pop Princess." Go check it out here.



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Friday, February 28, 2014

I'll Pay For That: The 5 Beauty Products That I Straight Up Refuse To Live Without

It's no secret (or it shouldn't be if people are honest) that one of the boss b*tch things about blogging about beauty stuffs is that you get to try products and such for free a lot. I always tell your asses when this happens, and I only talk about sh*t that I legit like and would feel good about telling you to try. I would never suggest something that I think is actual sh*t, because I would feel like a big old bag o' asses doing that. I have sent many, many a email to peeps saying that I won't review/talk about their product because it didn't work for me, or I wouldn't use it on the reg.


That being said, I'm pretty comfortable with using a variety of products at any given time, and just snatching up whatever is in my beauty arsenal. There are a veritable sh*t-ton of shampoos, eyeliners, mascaras, lipsticks, blah, blah, blah, that are all perfectly great, and that I can use without issue and enjoy them all. But, there are a few beauty items that I just simply won't live my life without, and will find a way to own, always. You've probably heard me talk about most of these one billion times because, uh, I tell you everything. So, don't slap my face off or anything if some of this sounds redundant.

#1. Maybelline Expert Eyes Twin Brow & Eye Pencils in Blonde


Go ahead, release all of your "DUHHHHs" into the universe, because I'm always talking about these thangs. But when it comes to eyebrow pencils, I will never, ever, ever let these Maybelline Expert Eyes Brow Pencils in blonde go. And not in a half-assed, hold-on-for-14-more-seconds-Rose kind of way.


These mofos cost around $3, depending on where you buy your mess, but are worth even more to me than Brenda Walsh's b*tchiness. They have actual staying power, aren't waxy, and are a great ashy color that works for any brow color. (Ladies with darker skin tones, or want a bolder brow, top the pencil with a darker brow or matte eyeshadow color.)

#2. Latisse


Before I started using Latisse years ago, I was really scared to try it. I had seen a lot of people that had used it and had semi-crazy spider lashes, and it was just way too much for me. But here's the real deal -- when you first start using Latisse, you use it every night until you get to the lash length that you're all about. After that, you move on to the maintenance phase, which means you just use it a few times a week to keep your lashes that length. So you're in control of how crazy-lashed you look.

Another point of contention when it comes to Latisse? Sh*t's expensive, man. The regular retail price is $120 for a bottle that is supposed to last a month. (P.S. Look for Latisse deals in your local area, you can find it much, much cheaper.) In reality, a bottle typically lasts me at least six. I can stretch that sh*t to the max by the technique that I use to apply it. If you want to know how, email me. I won't post it on the interwebs because it's slightly shady when it comes to sterility and such, and I don't want erry'body getting pink eye. But the friend that taught me this application technique is a medical aesthetician, so it's not wildly inappropriate.

You can also buy a generic version of Latisse, called Careprost, to cut down on costs. I just ordered some online, and it costs about $35 after shipping, although it might be coming from Mars for legal reasons. I'm not going to post a link to purchase it, because it is a prescription product, and I'm no legal effin' eagle...


and I don't want to go to jail and sh*t for recommending something semi-illegal. It's probably not 100% legit, but I'm not sure. Google at your own risk.


#3. Beauty Blender


Because my skin is a big ol' pile of poo, covering imperfections with foundation/concealer ranks high on my list of beauty priorities. I don't really remember my life before using the Beauty Blender, but it was probably also a pile of poo. Okay, enough about poo.

If you aren't that familiar with this little pink egg, it's a reusable makeup sponge that you use while damp. It's kind of pricey (like $20 per sponge), but they really last forever if you wash it on the reg. I've tried other cheaper brands that are of a similar idea, but none stack up to this little b*tch. It applies foundations and concealers evenly, and prevents your makeup from looking cakey. This just generally prevents the look of hot messiness on your mug.


#4. Clarisonic Mia


Listen, I know that Clarisonic products aren't cheap. But I got my Mia as a gift from my mom over three years ago, and homie is still going strong, so it's not a bad investment for $100. The only differences in the MIA and the full-sized (AKA more expensive) Clarisonics are the lack of ability to change the brush speed and you can't use a body brush on the OG Mia. No biggie smalls.

There are drugstore brands of face brushes out there, but I have to admit that I've never used them. The big difference is that the drugstore brushes have spinning heads, while the Clarisonic uses sonic vibrations to cleanse the skin. If you want more science-y deets, you can read more here. All I know is that if I go on an absent-minded bender and forget to use this baby for a period of time my skin is like, "What the eff, guess I'll just break out even more now. You're welcome." My skin is an a-hole, part 40938.

#5. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion


Are you guys sick of me talking about PP yet? TOO BAD. I recommend this product to literally every single person I've ever talked to about makeup, both in real life and on the 'net. It makes your eyeshadow last all damn day, makes colors more vibrant, and doesn't allow those sneaky eyeshadow bastards to crease and get crazy.


Whenever I recommend Primer Potion I have people tell me that it's just too expensive for them, which I totally understand. Spending $20 on something that seems so unimportant in the scheme of things is tough to do. There are a couple of options on saving some dough on PP. You can always buy the travel size for $12. Because you use such a tiny amount, this baby-sized tube should still last you a really long time.

I also frequently find Primer Potion at places like Nordstrom Rack on discount, because Urban Decay changed the packaging a while back. So you can feel free to stock up on the old package types, and hoard the hell out of them. I SHALL NEVER RUN OUT. Muahahaha!


What beauty products do you guys refuse to live your lives without? Spill yo' sh*t!





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Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Beauty Tricks To Make Yourself Look Like You Give A Sh*t, Even When You Don't

Life is not always mf-ing glitter-covered fairies and glow stick rainbows, you guys. I'm going through one of those mental valleys in life right now, and it's hard for me to find one eff to give about much. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to throw down the gauntlet, and buy some oversized sweatpants with "I've given up," emblazoned on the ass. When I do make a rare venture out into public, I force myself to at least give the illusion that I'm a productive member of society. Here are my tricks.

Get The Windows To Your Soul Looking Human(ish).


If the eyes really tell all, then (woo-hah!) you better get that all in check. The easiest and most effective way to do this is with a little eyebrow definition/eye highlighting combo. As you can see from the terrifying picture above, the combination of these two things give an instant lifted look to a sad sack eye. Plus, it takes, like, two seconds.

Simply take a concealer that's just a wee bit lighter than your skin, and apply it directly under your eyebrow and under-eye area, patting it in. Finish off by filling in your brows with a neutral eyebrow pencil. Voila! Now no one will ever know what an actual monster I am. Muahahaha!


P.S. Before your ass is all, "The eye picture on the right is just positioned lower than the one on the left, you conniving a-hole," it's one picture. I just put a little line down the center for the extra dramz. Science! 

Ditch The Garbage Pail Kid Hair.


The days that I actually and legitimately wash my entire head of hair are getting few and far between, so I have some tricks in my lazy arsenal to prevent myself from looking squarely in the "that girl might have ACTUAL vaseline in her hair" category. (The threat is very, very real.)

If you're still trying to make wearing your dirty ass hair down happen, the best thing to do is to just wash the front bang area of your mop, then style that section as you normally would. You can treat the rest of your hair with dry shampoo, like this new Herbal Essences Naked (Target, $4.99). It's insanely fragrant, so you won't smell like week-old french fries.

Or maybe your hair is way too far gone down that dirty ol' road to wear it down. I feel you, man. If this is the case, treat your mane generously with dry shampoo and wear it all up in a top knot. Oh, and maybe try washing it tomorrow, if you're up to it, Josie Grossie.


 Keep Lower Maintenance Expectations.

When I'm having an extended period of over-it-itis, I like to keep my expectations and my maintenance lowered.


These are the times that I like to depend on easy beauty products that really just get sh*t done, like the Clinique Chubby Stick Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm in Mega Melon ($17). It's a gorgeous pinky coral color, easy to apply, and has just the right amount of shine.


For eyes, it's all about my samples of Make Up For Ever Aqua Shadows (Sephora, $20) the company sent me forever ago. You literally can't eff up with these things. Rub it around your general eye area and it looks great. And like you tried. And not like you were crying over a Lifetime movie starring Tori Spelling while eating stale Cheetos all day.

When All Else Fails, Red Lipstick.

mac viva glam, $16
At worst, you'll look like an eccentric and mysterious weirdo, with phenomenal taste in lipstick and a penchant for hole-filled "Class of '99" t-shirts and leggings. Just put on huge sunglasses and let the gen pop think you're an Olsen twin.




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