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Showing posts with label I'm a Mess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I'm a Mess. Show all posts

Friday, October 4, 2013

How To Be A Trash Bag Like Me In 5 Easy Steps (Actually Featuring Some Badass Products)

Have you b's heard the good word? I'm kind of trashy.

actual comment about me to prove said trash bag-ness
 But you know what? Being trashy is a fun way to live life IN THIS MOTHER, so suck it, world. And just in case you feel like getting on some next level non-classy sh*t, here's how you can get like me (at least this week).

#1 Drink Cheap(ish) Wine.

jam jar sweet shiraz, $9.99 at whole foods, but check yo' ish
You guys, I love this wine more than most things that currently exist on this earth. I originally picked it up from Whole Foods just because the bottle is super adorable and actually jam jar-looking, PLUS IT HAS A SCREW TOP, which lends itself to my lazy and drink-y lifestyle. Freakin' major points on that sh*t.

Once I actually consumed this affordable nectar of the Gods, I was all in. It's kind of sweet, but not in a over-the-top way.


Try it. It's like $10-$12 most places, so re-gift it (to me) if you hate it (I hate you if you do), and you aren't out a bajillion bucks, man.

#2 Hermit Yourself Up In Your House And Watch A Show Featuring Badasses, Until You Think You're A Badass.

http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/277/files/2013/09/sons-of-anarchy.jpg
featuring lots of hot backs and other parts
I've barely tended to basic ass hygiene this week (even more so than the usual), and I blame it all on Sons of Anarchy. I'm been binge watching the ish out of this show, and I show no signs of slowing.

my favorite dudes of SOA, opie & tig
One of the reasons for my can't stop, won't stop SOA viewing is for the dudes. I'm doing it all for the pseudo nookie, I guess. I know that most homegirls' lady flower tizzies are for the main guy Charlie Hunnam, and don't get me wrong, he's hot. BUT, I'm way more into the secondary hot mens like Ryan Hurst (Opie) and Kim Coates (Tig). What can I say? You guys know I'm into the "off the beaten path" when it comes to man crush feelings.

P.S. If you are a dumb dumb head like me and haven't yet watched this show, get on that sh*t, you silly mofo.

P.P.S. If you're current on episodes, DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT THE EFF IS UP WITH THESE TWO. (Although I've gotten a hint of Opie spoilers, and I am not happy.)

#3 Buy And Wear Clothes Inspired By (Male) Characters Of Said Show.

flannel and beanie, target, boots, nordstrom
See above, and you can see why I'm currently dressing like a grungy motorcycle dude. My obsessions run deep. I got these Steve Madden "Leader" boots from Nordstrom during their big ass sale deal (not the actual name of the sale) a couple of months ago, and I wear the sh*t out of them -- pretty much on the daily. The flannel and beanie can be copped from Target on the cheap, although I couldn't find them online.

denim vest, h&m, faux leather vest, f21
And every lady-type biker man needs some vests, obviously. The acid wash denim is from H&M a few months ago (similar one here), and the studded fake leather deal is from Forever 21. Thankfully, my ass is clipped to the brim with weave, or I would be constantly mistaken for a boy.

#4 Same Damn Makeup, Different Damn Day.

marc jacobs eyes, urban decay lip
I've been in a major makeup rut lately, and have pretty much been switching up my beauty looks 0% of the time. But I really give zero effs, because I'm totally into it. I've been all about a baby liquid liner cat eye paired with a bold lip, usually the MAC RuPaul Viva Glam goodness I told you about the other day, or this Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Shame that I recently bought.

urban decay in shame, $22
It photographed weirdly light, but it's super sumptuous and creamy as f*ck, as well as deep and gorgeous. (That sounded really romance novel-y, but I didn't even say throbbing.) I've also been using the new Marc Jacobs eye palette and liner that I bought at the same time, but I'll talk about that another day. I don't give it up all at once. I'm a damn lady.

#5 Watch Britney's New Music Video On Repeat.



The first time that I heard Brit Brit's new song, I left super "meeeh" about it. But, of course, that sh*t completely grew on me and once I peeped that video scene, I was totally into it. I can't help it, when Britney does that dumb Madonna-esque fake British accent, I lose my ish. Viva la Britney, b*tch. Gimme, gimme more.


Okay, okay, I'm done. What trashy ass tendencies do you guys have? I know you're out there, don't leave a b hanging.








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Monday, September 2, 2013

RuPaul Gives My B (Courtney Stodden) Some Effing Spot On Career Advice...In a Car.



You guys know my ass has feelings for C Stodd. I just can't quit her gold lame-covered ass, no matter how many battery pack-lit pairs of underwear homegirl puts on. But, I also love RuPaul, because he's everything I'm not and want to be -- a drag superstar, a badass b*tch, ridiculously cheek-boned, and tall as f*ck.


And after watching this video, I desperately need to ride around in RP's volvo and get some major life advice. Boo boo was on effin' point with that career bizznass for Stoddie. I need that sh*t.


If Ru ever comes out with a Oprah Life Class-esque deal, I'm there. My ass (and everything else) is a hot ass ham sandwich of a mess.


I know, I know. It's way too late for your asses to not judge me.


video via world of wonder






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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Why I'm Trash, I've Always Been Trash, And The Saddest Part Is That I Know: Perfume Edition



I really just wanted an excuse to loosely quote this skit from Jennifer Lawrence on SNL, because I feel like this character is my soul twin, and I need to go get an application from this fictional diner. It's the only career success that I could ever hope to have.

pink sugar perfume (sephora, $20-$60)
But here's the real reason that I'm trash. I love Aquolina's Pink Sugar perfume. Now, I'm not saying that this perfume is inherently trashy, but it's also loved by my favorite teenaged hot ass mess, Courtney Stodden.

Sh*t smells like straight up cotton candy, which is probably not ENTIRELY appropriate for a person in their 30's, AKA me. Unless you operate a cotton candy machine, then it's totally appropriate. And, also, I want your job. But if you love to smell like sweetness and sugar, then this ish is totally up your alley, and that alley leads straight to Candy Land. If musky musk is more your deal, than I suggest you pass go, and try Monopoly-inspired fragrances, if that exists. I hope it does. And I hope it smells like monocles.





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Friday, June 15, 2012

Look Awake, Even When You're Sleepy as Eff

I'm tired lately, you guys. I don't really know what my deal is, but I just want to curl up on the back fur of this guy and sleep for days.


My dark circles look like I could be an unfortunate extra on The Walking Dead. (I've only seen that show like once, but I'm sure those b's aren't exactly looking fresh as a daisy.) But luckily, I have a little secret weapon in my makeup arsenal that keeps me looking (somewhat) normal.

Ride or Sleepy Die


I have not made it a secret of the fact that I am not the biggest fan of bareMinerals, but this ish is the exception. This is Well Rested. It's the perfect little pick-me-up for dark under eyes, and it doesn't get crazy looking after a couple of hours of wear, like a lot of concealers tend to do. (On my oily-ass anyway.)

I apply it with my concealer brush, and I instantly look 8% better. Now to work on the rest of the mess of my face...


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