Showing posts with label Easy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Easy. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Trash Box Nail Tutorials: Glitter Sand Art Edition

Did you guys ever have on of these sand/glitter deals as a kid?


You would flip it over, and then the sand/glitter mixture would move around and make another boring formation. It was one of those things that was half cool to look at and half thing that your parents bought to shut you up.

Well, today's nail idea is based on these boringly badass art memorabilia.


SOMEWHAT similar, right? Oh, who the eff knows. I literally made this sh*t up five minutes ago. If you happen to want to try this quasi-nail art look yourself, here's what you'll need.


Three glittery nail polishes. I chose Dimepiece and Stun from Floss Gloss, because I effing love the kids, and Follow Me on Glitter from Nicole by OPI from the Kardashian Kollection because I really, really hate myself. Let us never speak of me buying anything Kardashian-related ever again, mmmmkay?

Here's what you do:


Step One -- Paint on the first color about halfway up your nail.

Step Two -- (There's so much we can do. P.S. If you don't click on that link and watch it in its entirety, I hate you.) Paint the second color slightly overlapping the first, and almost to the tip of your nail.

Step Three -- Take the third color, overlap a little with color two, and to the end of the nail.

Step Four -- Take color number one and blur the edges between the first two colors, so it's not a straight, blah ass border between. DONE!

The best way to get an opaque glitter look with one shot with this sh*t is to lay the brush flat on your nail and glob it on. This is a textured look, so you don't want it to be perfect. Go ahead, eff it up a little.


Easiest. Nail. (Kinda) art. EVA.



Pin It

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Cures for the Long Weekend Beauty Hangover

I hope you mofos had an amazing ass long weekend, if you had one of those. If you didn't, then sorry for bringing that sh*t up. What a b. I had to work, then I balled out by visiting my Gam Gam, and I also watched a b-hole-load of Arrested Development while doing a lot of this:


So, I wilded the eff out. (No, I didn't.) If you did, in fact, get crunk this weekend, you are probably recovering in some way or another from some kind of unfortunate decision-making that you partook in. But don't worry your sweet ass about anything. I've got your (beauty) solutions covered. Anything else, you might want to have a doctor look at that mess.

Awkward Tan Lines
 
I'm sure a ton of your asses were all laid up on the beach/pool/side of the road/back yard this weekend, soaking up that first bit of summer. Number one: WEAR YOUR SUNSCREEN, B's. Looking raggedy in your 20's is not a good look. But it's possible that you got a little careless and missed a couple of applications. You're a human; it happens. (I'm sure mai tai consumption had ZERO things to do with that.) Unfortunately, I really have a severe anti-boner over weird tan lines. It just makes me imagine people wearing this nonsense on a beach, and livin' it up, Ja Rule style.


That is just awkward as sh*t for everyone in your workplace. There's an easy solution for this problem, though. The best thing to do is to take one of those small foam paintbrushes, or a makeup sponge, and paint on a coat or two of self tanner to those tan lines. It will help blur them, at least, if not blend them away completely. Please, I beg of you, don't wear a weird tube top with weird tan lines. Unless you star in some tan line fetish, um, material. In that case, carry the eff on. Get money.

Hamburglar Under Eye Circles
i stole this from an ANGELFIRE page. can't you tell???
Aren't dark ass under eye circles the balls, you guys? No one wants to look like a friggin' corpse bride in this b*tch. And they can be RIDICULOUS to cover. But there is a little trick to covering those a-holes on your face. You have to use a yellow-y concealer to cover anything with a blue undertone, like dark circles. I did makeup in a medi spa for a hot minute, and I had to cover stuff like bruises from Botox and fillers. The best bet was to use the super yellow-toned concealer, and pat it on the bruises, which is essentially what dark circles are. Blend well and cover with a powder that matched your actual skin tone. You'll totally unzombify yourself. It works.

Fried, Insane Hair

Sometimes in life, your hair looks almost like this. Whether it is sun damaged, over-hairsprayed from long nights out, or heat damaged. The easiest and cheapest cure for this is an oil treatment, and I'm not talking V05. I love a good coconut oil hair treatment, but you can also use olive oil if you happen to have it. Rub some between your palms, and apply it to dry hair until it's pretty saturated all over. Leave it on for at least 30 minutes, and then shampoo really well and LIGHTLY condition. Your frizzed out mess will be waaaay more moisturized and manageable. Then you are free to go cook some eggs or some sh*t with the rest of the oil. Don't forget bacon.

No matter what kind of beauty damage you did to yourself this weekend, you can be sure of one thing -- it wasn't as bad as this.



"Whoooot's goin' on?" Chillin', chillin'. Rollin' with the homies. Welcome back to the real world, b*tches.







Pin It

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Ballsy on a Budget -- Pop on the Mouth (OF COLOR)

I'm writing this in the dark, with a waning energy source, a full-on sh*tty wifi hotspot, and two insane chihuahua hovering over me because the power is out. Someone send the Geek Squad or Ghostbusters or some ish, cause I am not in the mood. Make sure they have a bottle of wine.

make up for ever aqua rouge in 16 fuchsia, $24 at sephora
Today we're getting ballsy with a bright lip, because nothing screams, "I have zero effs to give about what your ass thinks," like bold lipstick. Plus, it's easy, and you look like a badass with little effort. MUFE sent me this bright, bold, pink to try, and I fell in love real, real quick. It's the Aqua Rouge formula, so it's one of those long wear deals.

sephora, $24
I wore it to lunch today, and it only started coming off when I ate something oily. (Gross, but whatever. It happens.) Say you are going out for little sip of the sauce, or something, this sh*t will stay the eff on like white on rice. (Which is a super annoying saying, because what in the hell does that mean, anyway?) And to remove it, I just use vaseline, or whatever, and wipe it off. No biggie. (RIP, Biggie.)

But listen, I know that this stuff isn't insanely cheap, although I think it's totally worth it, so I also have a drugstore pick for your asses. I picked this stuff up last year at the ol' Mart of the Wal's, and the color is really cool. 

cover girl lip perfection lipstick in spellbound, $5.59 at drugstore.com
You guys are lucky that I love your asses, because I had to go searching for this mess with a gifted Bath and Body Works mini candle on its last legs. I was wandering the damn apartment like I was on mf-ing Sleepy Hollow, or some sh*t. It wasn't not cute.

And there you have your luxe (and cheap) ballsy b's. Now my power time is pretty much up, and I am off to find ways to entertain myself that don't involve electricity, or Lifetime Movie Network.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend
BOOOORRRRING. I feel so old-timey.



Pin It

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Walk Up to the Club Like, "What Up? I got a big Wand!" (And a Small One. And Other Sizes.)

Holy eff, you guys. I really need to talk to you about something big in my life right now. And that thing is the ISO Beauty 5 Piece Curling Iron Set, and even bigger than that, curling wands. The nice boos at ISO Beauty sent me this set to try, and I can't keep my damn dirty hands off of it.
iso beauty 5 piece curling iron set, $395
Curling wands are my new jam, and this set is the true boss b*tch. It has five barrel sizes, so you can choose your own adventure, from beachy waves to OG Nicole Kidman.


Okay, maybe not THAT extreme. That's some tight, tight spiral perm-age.

So what's the difference in a curling wand/clipless curling iron and the curling iron you've had since '97? Mainly, the type of curl you'll get. With the old school curling iron, you get more of a classic, barrel-y curl. Here's what the curling wand creates, with different sized barrels:
what happens to old weave? science experiments!
See? Then ends aren't all weirdly crunched up and really curly, like mine tend to be with the Vanilla Ice irons. (That means the old school kind.)

But my favorite thing about clipless curling irons? THIS SH*T IS EASY. No, no. Don't worry about clipping the curling iron arm thing on your hair, then winding it up...blah, blah, blah. That crap is boring. With a wand, you wrap your hair around it, hold it for a few seconds, and done. The combination of this with surf spray creates sexy ass bedhead-y hair that looks like you give zero effs and were just born super hot.


It's that good. And good for lazies like me. And where do I find this cat? And do those glasses come in human versions?

Find out more info on the ISO Beauty 5 Piece Curling Iron Set (or whatever the hell strikes your fancy) here.




Pin It

Friday, May 3, 2013

How to Use Boring Household Stuff to Up Your Beauty Game

What did you b faces do today? I put Walmart brand Pepto-Bismol all up on my grill. And it looked like this --

What? That's what my face always looks like. Like a beautiful angel. Or like Buster from Arrested Development.


Whatever, same sh*t. But the realness to this is WHY I had Pepto on muh face. You can use it as a face mask for oily skin, to de-gunk and de-grease that mess. I left it on for like 10 or 15 minutes, and after I rinsed my face, that b felt smooth and not oily at all. I guess it makes sense -- it gets rid of the greasy grossies in your tummy, so why wouldn't it work on your mug? Brings a whole new meaning to "Smooth move, ex-lax." (Bleh, that was awful and pun-y. Don't worry, I hate myself.) There are scientific reasons to why this works on your face, but they were too boring to read and I was over it. Word of warning: If you have dry or sensitive skin, don't try this. Oily b's only.

Oh hey, stock file photo. I've been using toothpaste in for non-tooth purposes for 20 years, because I'm old. And old people do things for over 20 years, and then tell you about it. Toothpaste is great for drying up zits, and it's (obviously) super old school. Put this ish on individual bumps (not all over your face) to dry them up over night. Here's the catch: You have to use white toothpaste. (I know, it's racist and rude.) I don't know why this is, it just is.

pic via pandawhale
 Like Lindsay Lohan being a delightful hot mess, it's just a fact of life.


Speaking of Lilo (I kid, I kid!), this delightful white powder (baking soda) is pretty much a beauty genie. If you add baking soda to pretty much anything, it becomes more clarifying and a stronger cleanser. I add it to mud/clay face masks to really get into my pores. You can add it to your facial cleanser (every now and then -- don't get effing crazy) for deep cleansing. I really love it to make any shampoo a clarifying shampoo. Just put a little in your hand, add the shamps, and lather your ish.


That's it, yo. Yeah, science! Just don't start improvising, and using BLEACH bleach as hair dye, or whatever. And definitely don't do this crap.



What. Is. Wrong. With. Your. Brain?


Pin It

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

One Broke Girl: Beauty Treatments You Can Do on The Cheap

Listen, people. Times are mutha effin' tough in this b*tch. Sometimes you are on an all-ramen-all-the-time diet, but you still want to:
via nbcparksandrec tumblr
It's only natural. Just because you have roughly two dimes to rub together doesn't mean that you have to shun beauty treatments completely. I've rounded up a few ways that you can still get super grown and sexy, without the extra cash flow.

All Coconut Oil Errthang



I made a tutorial on coconut oil hair masks like a million years ago, and I've learned a few things since then. First off, you don't need to heat that mess up. It's a solid at most room temperatures, and liquifies with heat. There's no need to get out an effin' blow torch, or anything, just scoop the ish into your hands, rub them together a little, and apply it to your dry hair. The rest of the video is still as valid as any other crap that I throw together.

The next part of my coconut oil infogasm is that you can use it for about a billion things. I now also use it for my reg body moisturizer. I also use it to pop popcorn. These two items are completely unrelated. I'm not use how much a jar is, maybe $5 to $10, but that mess lasts forever. Invest. Save your damn pennies.

 St. Ives Apricot Scrub -- But Not For Your Mug

target, $2.99
I know, you used the hell out of this sh*t in middle school. And you might even still use it on your face. If you do, stop that immediately. It will eff up the collagen in you face, because it's just too rough for your face's delicate constitution. BUT it's great for a body scrub, especially if you are a victim of the dreaded backne. And it's so cheap. Get it on BOGO somewhere, and you're set for years. If you want to make it a little more moisturizing, just add a little swig of olive oil.

Homemade Aspirin/Lemon Juice Mask

If you need a little exfoliation for cheap/free if you've got this stuff, I've got the mask for you. This is from the Dr. Oz show, and you know that homeboy knows his stuff. It's based on aspirin, which contains salicylic acid, and lemon, which has a fat ass amount of vitamin c. Both of these things are great for the el skino.

Ingredients:
- non-coated aspirin
- lemon juice
- baking soda

Instructions:
1. Crush up 6-12 non-coated aspirins and combine with freshly squeezed lemon juice.
2. Let the aspirin dissolve until it turns into a paste.
3. Apply the mask to your skin and leave it on for 10 minutes.
4. Remove the face mask by dipping a cotton round in some baking soda and some water.

WARNING: So I just tried this sh*t, and it works just fine, but when I went to remove it with the cotton round with water and baking soda, it burned my skin like a cray cray banana hammock. So, I recommend skipping that part, and just rinsing with water, unless your skin is made from impenetrable steel, or something.

Okay, cheap asses/fellow poor peeps, it's like we're a broke ass beauty parlor up in here! You don't have to look raggedy and crazy, just because we aren't bazillionaires.


Do you guys have any cheap beauty tricks? Share with all of us other poor unfortunate souls!





Pin It

Monday, January 28, 2013

Random Homie: Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Daily Face Peel in Original Formula

Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Face Peel, $15-$78
I know that it seems as if I'm always bitching about the sh*tiness of my skin, and I'm trying to get better about. Like, at least I have a face. But if my new BFFs from Dr. Dennis Gross keep sending me bomb ass products like the Alpha Beta Daily Face Peel, I might not even have to whine anymore. Let's get a quote from the man to see what this stuff is all about:

“This anti-aging product not only diminishes the appearance of wrinkles, but helps complexion problems, balances oil, tones skin, and increases clarity and radiance. Plus, it proves a daily, gentle approach can give superior results vs. a harsh approach. Like exercising daily is better than a long workout once a week, it’s better to treat your skin daily."  - Dr. Dennis Gross

Dammit, I have to workout more. But I can tell you, coming from the crappy skin queen, that this product made a big ol' difference on my mean, mean mug. I mostly noticed that the discoloration I had from old breakouts have waaaaay faded, and my skin just looks more clear. Plus, it feels soft as a kitten's butt. And if you're on a budget, Dr. Gross now offers a little mini pack of five treatments for $15. Not too shabby, yo'.

Oh, and if you're worried about the degree of difficulties on something that sounds semi-ominous, have no fears. YOU WIPE YOUR FACE, WAIT TWO MINUTES, AND WIPE WITH ANOTHER WIPE. You've got this, brain surgeons. Check out all of the peel goodness here.



Pin It

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Random Homie: Bango by Pro Beauty Tools


I'm not a home-bang-cutting virgin, you guys. Part of loving DIY beauty is deciding to cut some badass blunt bangs on a whim, and then promptly doing that sh*t before thinking of the consequences. Many a time have I ended up with some whack ass craziness happening on my head area. But a little while ago, I was alerted to this new little handy kit called Bango, which helps you cuts your own bangs at home. I got to try one, and here's what it comes with:


Like, literally, everything you would need to take care of the job. There's even an instructional DVD that shows you how to trimmy trim everything from blunt bangs to split ends. But the real star of the show is that little pink clip/comb deal. You just clip it on whatever area you want to trim, slide that ish to the end, and trim to the guide with the scissors provided. Mess is so easy that it isn't even funny, you guys. This kit costs around $15, and is TOTALLY worth it for anyone that has baby/blunt/side/crazy/sane/Flock of Seagulls/whatever else bangs. Check out where you can find Bango to purchase fo' yo' own ass here, so you can quit jacking up your own ish.


Yep, like that.

P.S. I can't tell you how proud of myself I am that I made ZERO crude jokes in this post. Hooray for maturity!




Pin It

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Random Homie: Violent Eyes

Do you ever just want to look like a badass b in, like, 2 minutes? Then, sister friend, do I EVER have the product for your ass. This is also for those people that are all, "I CAN'T DO A DAMN CAT EYE, MOFO. MY DRAWING SKILLS DON'T SWING THAT WAY." (They talk in all caps, because they're mad that they can't look cool.)

Violent Eyes in Violet Glitterati, $9.99 for set
Meet Violent Eyes, from the makers of Violent Lips, those crazy ass/awesome temporary lip tattoos. There are a bunch of different color variations, from black glitter to Union Jack, for premiere night of Downton Abbey. (Obviously. Dowager Countess would totally approve.) They are really easy to apply. You just need a wet cotton swab (sounds kinky) to get these puppies to stick. It really takes just a couple of minutes from start to finish. And if you are applying these to your baby (totally not approved), you can trim the inner part to fit your eye.

I chose the most Amy Winehouse-ish shape (RIP, boo!) to try. Isn't this ish grand? And removal was really easy. I first tried to kind of pick at it, to see what kind of staying power they would have. Yeah, that didn't work. They didn't budge. So I took another cotton swab, and put olive oil on it, and rubbed it over the area. I could then pull it right off. If you are a fancy ass fancy person, you could also use an oil-based makeup remover. But we don't use that mess around these parts, ya' hear? I am totally co-signing on these beasts. They make me feel fancy as hell.

via nuncasabemejor
On that note, I bid you "Good day!" sir. Go check out your endless possibilities for a fancy eyeball feast here.



Pin It

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Random Homie: Incoco Nail Polish Strips in Cheers!

Incoco in Cheers!, $8.99
I have made myself VERY clear on the fact that I am captain of the Lazy Committee. (If you want to join, you do nothing. And we will never, ever meet -- we are also sponsored by the We Hate Everyone Club.) And my laziness seems to at least triple in force when it comes to nail care. If you could see my toenail polish situation right now, you would literally vomit your entire face off. Dire straits, I'm talking.

So when Incoco sent me their nail polish strips to try, I was excited but reserved. In the past, I've had mixed results with nail strips. A lot of them are like trying to put a damn child's plastic toy shovel on your nail and hoping that ish sticks. Spoiler alert: It totally doesn't. When I opened the package, this is what I found:


Like, literally, every friggin' thing you MIGHT even ever need to apply these things, including wipes to remove them. Holy eff, that never happens with these kits! And I'm pretty sure that the little pack of strips are clear coats, although I couldn't figure it out. When I opened the actual pack of polish strips, I knew these b's were something different. It actually SMELLED LIKE NAIL POLISH. Whaaaat? Imagine, nail strips made from actual nail polish. And the polish was really cool. Black with chunky pieces of glitter, not some wimpy ass glitter tossed here and there -- these were like Ke$ha glitter volume. And applying these puppies was about 39843% easier than the strips I've tried before. The whole process took maybe 15 minutes, when it usually takes me about an hour to get that sh*t tight with those tricky ass strips.

The results -- blang blam!
And the wear is pretty awesome, too. I'm on day four, and I only have some slight wear on the tips of my nails. No chips or peeling, yet. Bottom line -- so friggin' easy even I can do it. I might have some new ride or die nail homies, y'all. Check out all of the colors and such from Incoco here.




Pin It

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Color My Ass Surprised -- Victoria's Secret Eyeliner Is the Business.

pic via victorias secret


It's no SECRET (Ugh. I hate myself. I am THE WORST.) that I love liquid eyeliner. It's the fastest way to give an old tired, haggard face a polished look. And trust me, I'm a haggard ass b like 97.4% of the time, so I'm pretty much an expert in these things. I have been using my original gangsta' liquid liner, Lancome Artliner -- which I love -- for a very, very long time. Anytime I ever stray from that mess, I always sorely disappointed. But, the good peeps over at VS sent me this Graphic Liner Pen ($13) to try, so I thought what the eff. I had super lowered expectations:


My only experience with VS beauty products have been those squeeze lip glosses that they have by the register in the stores, which I have made my b*tch on many occasions -- don't get me wrong. I found the pen SUPER easy to use, and it made a very crisp line on the eye, that could also make a thin line. I effin' HATE liquid liners that get all thick and crazy. Stop making those, cosmetics people. They suck! Here's a little doodling on my hand to show you the deal.


 See? Thin and manageable, unlike my ass. Yikes! I will also give this stuff credit, because I wore it to an outdoor hippie concert where it rained all over my face, and it didn't run. I even have a fuzzy picture to prove it.


I only partially look like the scary w (Can you call a ghost child a w?) from The Ring. Bottom line? Into it.


Pin It

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Lazy Custom DIY Mani: The Creamsicle!

Have you ever thought about the fact that you don't have to be limited to the nail polish color options in your CVS? (Or Sephora if you're fancy.) I almost always have some crazy color polish idea in my head that I want to come to life. So I usually just make it myself. And it's not hard. (Duh, I wouldn't do that ish. I avoid actual work like the plague.)

Lately, I have been craving a creamsicle. (Popsicle and manicure) But I haven't found a creamy, light orange polish in stores. So here's what I did.


I took two polishes that I already own (cheap a b), and combined them. I took the white polish (It's was pretty skanked out, too.) and poured out about half of it. Then I poured in about half of the orange polish into the white bottle. Now I still have the orange (that I'm still into), and I'm using the crappy a white that I would have thrown out anyway. Life is like a box of chocolates...I don't know what that has to do with a damn thing.

Let's see how this mess turned out.


I'm into it. I want to eat my wrinkly little fingers off it's so creamsicle-y! And wasn't that mess easy as eff? And it's not like you have to have a freaking lab (meth or otherwise) to get this ish done! Let's see what one of my dogs thinks about it.


Obvs, she likes it. What do you b's think? Will you try this? Or do you think I'm trash? (The correct answers are "yes" and "yes.")

P.S. Don't bring up my dog's tooth situation. She's sensitive about that ish.




Pin It

Monday, April 9, 2012

Lazy B Guide: 3 Easy Top Knots



Have I mentioned that I'm lazy? I'll help you disguise a dirty mop...Lazy style.

Laaaaa-zy.


Pin It

Friday, March 16, 2012

Go From Betty Blahsville to Edgy Edith in One Easy Step!

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and feel a big ol' "Meh" escape your lips? Do you want to look more like you might shank a b? I feel like this dude right now, but this is NOT the direction in which we are going:



We're talking more of the eyeliner variety, of the darkest and deepest blackness (IE: the shade of my heart. Why does that sound like a Backstreet Boys song?)


I'm talking the newest shade of Urban Decay's 24/7 Eye Pencil in Perversion. Oh just how black IS THIS, pray tell? Turn it down a notch, I got you.


Yep, we are talking liquid liner dark. You can throw this b on, smudge, and be a sexy, minxy, sexpot in roughly five seconds. These pencils are also touted to be 'waterproof'. Oh really, Urban Decay? Is that how we're playing?


Well, damn. Here's my hand after scrubbing the hell out of it. You win, UD.

You can buy this ish for $19 at Sephora or UrbanDecay.com.



Pin It

storystack

Google