Awkward Celebrity Photos: Starring A Fake (???) Brit Brit, Gaga, And Co-Starring Celebrity Dudes

Lady Gaga tweeted this weekend about going to see Brit Brit's Vegas show, and later posted this picture of the two of them (ALLEGEDLY) on her website. But something is really, really weird here...

via littlemonsters.com

I feel like I'm looking at either a) celebrity impersonators, or b) a Britney Spears and Lady Gaga wax figures shoved next to each other. I call shenanigans on what is being called Brit's face. NOPE. This whole picture feels like ten pounds of weirdness shoved into a creepy five pound bag. Go call the guv-nah, because this sh*t is fishier than the Little Mermaid's birthday party guest list.

This isn't even the end of the celebrity strange. Here's the odd combo of Leonardo Dicaprio (in that f*cking HAT), Bradley Cooper (looking straight mid-2000s), and Lenny Kravtiz (wearing a possible choke collar).

via lk's facebook page

This picture is just begging for a game of bang, marry, kill, so shall we? Here's what I'm thinking:

• Bang -- Leo, because I wouldn't want to live with him. He seems like he would be really particular about where you put his dumb hats and would have a refrigerator filled with only roasted star fruit, or some sh*t.
• Marry -- Lenny. He's hot, seems pretty cool and non-irritating, except for the fact that he's hanging out with these two.
• Kill -- Bradley, because I just have a feeling about that homeboy. He always has semi-to-full douche face. And he goes by BRADLEY.

Now you guys play. What are your choices for bang, marry, kill? And is Britney's face looking super un-Brit-Brit-like, or am I insane in the mf-ing membrane (again)?

Tell me all these things.




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Quick Sh*t: Watch Vin Diesel Lip Synching To Katy Perry And Dancing To Beyoncé All By His Lonesome. In Cargo Shorts. #Surfboard

Post by Vin Diesel.

If that didn't make you feel uncomfortable, then you are probably Superman, and therefore, invincible. Congratulations.

P.S. I see that Vin is still trying to make tank tops and camo cargo shorts happen, like it's 2004 all over again. Yay?


via Vin's Facebook page


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It's Ryan Gosling's Birthday! Let's Watch Videos of His Ass. (Spoiler Alert: No ACTUAL Gosling Ass.)

Today is a day that should be rejoiced, you guys. It's Happy "Out of Yo Mama's Cookie" Day to that sexpot that we call Ryan Gosling. (Okay, so I totally stole that phrase from Sweet Brown's Instagram, but it's perfect. And, yes, I follow Sweet Brown on I.G. -- she's a friggin' treasure. )

In celebration of Gossie's big day, I've created an international viewing party of my favorite R.G. videos, so let our asses start the celebration. This first one shows Ry Ry stripping down to tiny underdrawers...



I don't think that anyone hated that, amiright? Let's now awkwardly move on to videos of yesteryear, back to when Ryan was just a wee, shiny bowl-cutted lad on The Mickey Mouse Club.



Justin totally tried stealing the scene with those lame ass (AKA perfect) overalls and gelled curly side bangs, but today's all about the Gos Sauce, so step the eff off, J mf-ing T.

And just in case you need more baby goose times (get it, Gosling? I'm such a wordsmith.), here's another tiny tot performance, featuring PANTS!



On the real, that dancing was straight dope.

Who knew that Chess King made luxurious silken clothes for tiny children?

I saved my favorite adult time Goss vid for last, even though I've shared this here before. But it's just so damn adorable that it should be cherished on this day of the 'Ling.



You know that your heart just grew three sizes just by watching that.

Happy Birthday, Ryan Gosling! Now go celebrate by popping bottles and doing models, or whatever thing it is you choose to do on your 33rd year of life.

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I've Never Been More Jealous Of Another Human.

Buzzfeed alerted me to the existence of this amazing dude named Chris Koo, doing an "eff, yes" version of Beyoncé's "Crazy In Love." I'm not even close to what you would call a Beyoncé fan, but baby boo just slayed that sh*t, solid. I'm not sure if young Chris Koo's (hot name, BTW) body even contains normal humanoid bones, or if they're made of Billy Cosby-sponsored Jello.

I'm also lucky that I don't currently own a Flowbee, or I would be attaching that sh*t to my vacuum immediately and putting the "flouncy, bouncy bowl cut" setting on my mop.



Here's the O.G. (AKA boring, vanilla soft serve sans sprinkles version with 100% less Chris Koo) version, if you need a refresher. I'm off to get a straw for my super sized non-haterade, because I love this guy.




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I Report, You Decide: Topless Usher Edition (With an Assist From #StarbucksDrakeHands)

I don't know how I feel about these new pictures of Usher from Men's Health, you guys. On one hand, Usher is quite an attractive guy.

On the other hand, I've always gotten a Papa Smurf facial vibe from him.

I also wasn't picking up what the MH article was putting down when they claimed that dude is 5'10". I've always felt 5'8" MAX tallness from Usher. So, you tell me, is this hot? My indecisive ass can't decide.

But you know who I wouldn't do? Starbucks Drake Hands, who did a (non)riveting interview with the illustrious Inside Edition.


via the frisky

I do not believe you, kind sir. That video WAS NOT made in jest. You were as serious as the fact that you need to 86 haircut, my man. I know that you are in mourning for your sex life, because you are never getting laid again by anyone with an internet connection or 3G service.

HAHA, b*tch!




all pics via mens health

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How To Be A Trash Bag Like Me In 5 Easy Steps (Actually Featuring Some Badass Products)

Have you b's heard the good word? I'm kind of trashy.

actual comment about me to prove said trash bag-ness

 But you know what? Being trashy is a fun way to live life IN THIS MOTHER, so suck it, world. And just in case you feel like getting on some next level non-classy sh*t, here's how you can get like me (at least this week).

#1 Drink Cheap(ish) Wine.

jam jar sweet shiraz, $9.99 at whole foods, but check yo' ish

You guys, I love this wine more than most things that currently exist on this earth. I originally picked it up from Whole Foods just because the bottle is super adorable and actually jam jar-looking, PLUS IT HAS A SCREW TOP, which lends itself to my lazy and drink-y lifestyle. Freakin' major points on that sh*t.

Once I actually consumed this affordable nectar of the Gods, I was all in. It's kind of sweet, but not in a over-the-top way.

Try it. It's like $10-$12 most places, so re-gift it (to me) if you hate it (I hate you if you do), and you aren't out a bajillion bucks, man.

#2 Hermit Yourself Up In Your House And Watch A Show Featuring Badasses, Until You Think You're A Badass.

featuring lots of hot backs and other parts

I've barely tended to basic ass hygiene this week (even more so than the usual), and I blame it all on Sons of Anarchy. I'm been binge watching the ish out of this show, and I show no signs of slowing.

my favorite dudes of SOA, opie & tig

One of the reasons for my can't stop, won't stop SOA viewing is for the dudes. I'm doing it all for the pseudo nookie, I guess. I know that most homegirls' lady flower tizzies are for the main guy Charlie Hunnam, and don't get me wrong, he's hot. BUT, I'm way more into the secondary hot mens like Ryan Hurst (Opie) and Kim Coates (Tig). What can I say? You guys know I'm into the "off the beaten path" when it comes to man crush feelings.

P.S. If you are a dumb dumb head like me and haven't yet watched this show, get on that sh*t, you silly mofo.

P.P.S. If you're current on episodes, DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT THE EFF IS UP WITH THESE TWO. (Although I've gotten a hint of Opie spoilers, and I am not happy.)

#3 Buy And Wear Clothes Inspired By (Male) Characters Of Said Show.

flannel and beanie, target, boots, nordstrom

See above, and you can see why I'm currently dressing like a grungy motorcycle dude. My obsessions run deep. I got these Steve Madden "Leader" boots from Nordstrom during their big ass sale deal (not the actual name of the sale) a couple of months ago, and I wear the sh*t out of them -- pretty much on the daily. The flannel and beanie can be copped from Target on the cheap, although I couldn't find them online.

denim vest, h&m, faux leather vest, f21

And every lady-type biker man needs some vests, obviously. The acid wash denim is from H&M a few months ago (similar one here), and the studded fake leather deal is from Forever 21. Thankfully, my ass is clipped to the brim with weave, or I would be constantly mistaken for a boy.

#4 Same Damn Makeup, Different Damn Day.

marc jacobs eyes, urban decay lip

I've been in a major makeup rut lately, and have pretty much been switching up my beauty looks 0% of the time. But I really give zero effs, because I'm totally into it. I've been all about a baby liquid liner cat eye paired with a bold lip, usually the MAC RuPaul Viva Glam goodness I told you about the other day, or this Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Shame that I recently bought.

urban decay in shame, $22

It photographed weirdly light, but it's super sumptuous and creamy as f*ck, as well as deep and gorgeous. (That sounded really romance novel-y, but I didn't even say throbbing.) I've also been using the new Marc Jacobs eye palette and liner that I bought at the same time, but I'll talk about that another day. I don't give it up all at once. I'm a damn lady.

#5 Watch Britney's New Music Video On Repeat.



The first time that I heard Brit Brit's new song, I left super "meeeh" about it. But, of course, that sh*t completely grew on me and once I peeped that video scene, I was totally into it. I can't help it, when Britney does that dumb Madonna-esque fake British accent, I lose my ish. Viva la Britney, b*tch. Gimme, gimme more.

Okay, okay, I'm done. What trashy ass tendencies do you guys have? I know you're out there, don't leave a b hanging.








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Great. I'm the Effing Worst, Part 308430984: Justin Bieber Mustache Edition

You b*tches know there are very few things that I hold closer to my heart than hating on Biebs. (Basically, just koalas, unicorns, bacon, and wine.) SO THAT'S WHY I HATE MYSELF. I really, really, really wanted to make fun of Justin Bieber's non-stache today, as seen here:

via huffpo

We can all hash out that shower curtain liner-embellished, brought to you by the letter "Y" shirt at a later date, because here's another picture of the offensive three hairs:

via jb's instagram

And here:

bieb's i.g. again

I mean what IS that??? I had so, so many Kip jokes to make, you guys.

Like, a lot.

And the worst thing, ever, happened.

yep, still stalking the instagram

HE SHAVED THAT STUPID SH*T. AND PUT ON A HAT THAT I F*CKING WANT TO WEAR.

I hate everything.

I need to pet baby stray kittens (after vaccinations) and drink (more) wine.



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BREAKING NEWS: K Fed Gets Married, Doesn't Look Bad

pic via people mag

You guys might've heard that Kevin Federline married his tall girlfriend over the weekend. (Somewhere, Shar Jackson is PISSED.) All of that is fine and good, I mean he also had a kid with Tally Talls (street name Victoria Prince, which is total 1996 Penthouse Pet name, and I mean that as a sincere complement), so "yay!" for due diligence, or something. But here's the meat and potatoes of the matter -- K FED IS LOOKING AIIIGHT.

pic via people mag

Yes, his hair is very 90's Thom Yorke.

But, considering star-shaped cornrows have been a viable hairstyle choice of his in the past, dude looks good.

Stars are for Lucky Charms, not hair shapes.

And there's a 0% chance of over-sized t-shirts in that b*tch, too, so I'm effing really happy.

But, I am disappointed to not see one of these klassy azz garter/mini dress pictures in the new Federline wedding photo album. (I'm lying. This sh*t was gross and unnecessary for all human and animal eyeballs.)

Bottom line, K Fed is making me feel like he's borderline hot here, with minimal white trash vibe. UPGRADE!

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(Not So) Breaking News: Donnie Wahlberg Turns Out to Be "The Hot One"

Okay, so I meant to post this sh*t a bunch of days ago, but blah, blah, blah, who cares.

via Donnie Dub's Twitter

I was always a Jordan girl back in the day, but my ass sure isn't afraid to switch teams, because Donnie Dubs is looking real fooooine.

These Wahlberg dudes know know to get that booty work right, don't they?

 

Nice...watch, Mark. I'm pretty sure that this is the hottest elastic-waisted tan shorts can look.

Congratulations on your hotness, Wahlbergs.




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Weekend Update: Justin Timberlake Totally Got the Color Me Badd Haircut.

I mean, seriously, bro, could you LOOK anymore like this dude? (Chandler Bing voice.)

No, not shoulder-padded-not-really-cute-enough-to-be-in-Milli-Vanili, and not Kenny-G-stole-the-suit-from-The-Mask. Not even Hoops McPosing4mylyfe. I'm talking the Ozzy Obsourne eyewear thief in the back. The only difference is C.M.B. dude's brows are tweezed thinner than Kate Moss' ass in the 90's.

Exhibit B:



I rest my case on that sh*t. And the worst part is, this isn't even JT's most unfortunate haircut.

Never forget.

RIP doucherows and the weirdest rectangular brows I've ever seen.

Peace be with you, Little Orphan Annie hair.

And, of course,  a big l'chaim to the Ellen-with-a-spiral-perm days. I just feel bad for the b*tch that has to hair wrangle the ish of that mop and flat iron and pomade ever piece to death.

Next time, just get "the Rachel," champ.



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Who Wore Nakey(ish) Best? Celebrity(ish) Chippendale Dudes.

I'm sure you guys have read in my What 90210 Stars Are Doing in 2013 and Beyond newsletter that Steve Sanders (or Ian Ziering, if you're nasty) is doing that whole celebrity guest star Chippendales thing this month.

pic via ny daily news

Can we just take a minute to recognize that S.S. is FORTY EFFING NINE years old? Homeboy is looking real, real nice. I'm not super sold on Stevie's wig game, but I never really have been.

I mean, really.

Seeing Eye-an's Chippie pics made me want to reflect on all of the past (loosely-termed) celebrity guest dancers, and put them ween to ween to see who is the hottest of them all. Let us study the evidence.

First up, Jeremy Jackson, of David Hasselhoff's son on Baywatch fame. (Or of meth/Celebrity Rehab fame, if you're a b*tch, like me.)

Okay, well this is...okay. The little bit that is the "costume" is somewhat wonky and ill-fitting, but I'm grateful that THIS Jeremy Jackson isn't being showcased.

what in avril lavigne fan club president hell is this sh*t?

Or, this one, for that matter.

Well, I just went to prison. Let's move on.

How about the Bachelor's Jake Pavelka?

How about not? Let's skip this one. Close your legs, Pavelka. It's quite unbecoming.

Alright, alright, alright, alright. Now ladies, how about that dude from 98 Degrees? Not one of the Lacheys, not that ONE dude. This guy:

...And his child...also in a child-sized Chippendale outfit...I can't even with this. Fast forward.

There's also Sir Ronald of the house of Jersey Shore.

This looks about as bling-y as expected. Plus, he's doing half-assed finger guns. So, half a point?

What about the father of "Whoa," himself, Joey (Joe? Joseph? I'm not up on the news.) Lawrence?

He looks good, but you know I'm super concerned about that eyebrow sitch. You're waaaay into code orange brow territory, broseph. You're single-handedly keeping waxing places open.

What do you b's think? Who wore the bow tie and weird shirt cuffs best?

If you don't love everything about this, namely Swayze's hair and pant's waist level, then I don't love you.






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