Showing posts with label Clothes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Clothes. Show all posts

Saturday, November 17, 2012

"Crazy Pants Bieber" Strikes Again.

I was perusing this story on The Daily Mail about blah blah blah Biebs and Selena Gomez reuniting blah blah blah. I didn't even have one eff to give about all of that mess, until this photo turned my heart to ice:

pic via dailymail
What the muther eff? Did baby Bieber not have supervision when he was getting dressed, and accidentally wore his mom's upside down sweatshirt as a pair of pants? What the disgusting are those things? They are exactly one million times worst than the last ones! Even Selena, in the background, is all, "Did that weird cult-y lady leave yet?" Let's have a look at the back (if you're brave enough), shall we?

via dailymail
I can't even belieb (groan) that this is really happening. If things such as these are truly being manufactured, forget the death of Twinkies, THIS is the true sign of the apocalypse.


I'm going into my "safe chamber" until this is all over.

P.S. My safe chamber is my couch, wearing nearing-decade-old Juicy pants and dirty hair. Don't tell anyone.




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Friday, November 2, 2012

The Only 90's Tori Spelling Photo Round Up You'll Ever Need. (You Are Freaking Welcome, People.)

If Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus and broccoli had a baby, this would be its hair.
This is a helluva lot of look, T Spell. Helluva lot.
I really just wanted to post BAG's hair in this picture.
What is happening? Even the dog is freaked the eff out.
Dream 90's wedding. Annnnnnd cue vomit.
Somebody get the V05 Hot Oil Treatments in bulk. Immediately.
Holy sh*t. Lumiere is hanging from Donna Martin's ear. Times are tough, man.
My God. No. Is this a Project Runway/Michael's challenge?
I can't ever stop with this movie. WATCH. IT.
Oh, brother. Trim your bangs.


Like I could leave out mutha effin' Violet. Harry Potter bit homegirl's look.
And THIS. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS:



P.S. I still totally dance like this. I am joking 0%.


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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Listen.

Pic via Huffington Post
I like this mess, because it looks like it's straight outta Compton Contempo Casuals circa 1998. That was my mother effin' heyday, so you know how you get stuck in that ish. Good job, Miley. You are super reppin' the late 90's like a serious boss.


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Sunday, June 24, 2012

You Know How You Know I'm Old?

Pic via OK Magazine
This ish is hot again.

P.S. You b's are lucky that I'm too old to wear overalls in this piece.


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Friday, June 15, 2012

Miley Cyrus has an Intolerance to Gluten, Human-Sized Shorts

Pic via Huffington Post

Unwad your panties, no-pants police. Miley is just wearing short shorts, like any 19 year old (or however old she is) girl. And she's probably wearing her fiance's shirt, which brings more "Awwww, how sweet!" feelings than this does:



(No, it totally doesn't.)

But I will say, that suitcase it hot. And you can give it to me whenever you wish to, Mi Cy.



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Thursday, June 14, 2012

And Everything was Going so Well!

Pic via Marie Claire UK
Just when my girl's looking all hot and ish, we have to go here. Cray shirt, string choker, and sweater uggs. Come on, honey boo boo. Can I PLEASE put your outfits out on the bed for you every morning like our moms did in elementary school? (Not mine. B, please. I wore whatever my crazy ass felt like.)

You guys think I'm joking about Brit Brit's outfits, but look at my goal that I wrote for work:


I ain't playin'.

 
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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

We're All Getting Old/Where the Hell Have I Been News

Pic via Daily Mail
Jessie Spano is like one second from pooping popping out (I don't know where babies come from) a kid. How did I not know this? It wasn't in the Saved by the Bell Fans 4EVA!!!! (yes, four exclamation points) newsletter.  In other news, she and her husband obvi love a well-worn military jacket. Are those grommets, sir? How historically accurate of you!

P.S. I don't know this man's story, but if he's not a soap opera or Cinemax late night movie actor, he totally missed his calling.

And on completely unrelated topic, this is what Ashanti has been wearing lately, courtesy Bossip:


Oh, honey. I don't even know where it's safe to rest my eyes in this piece. That lace applique is working hard for its money. But on a positive note, "Foolish" is still totally my jam! That's some good ish.



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Thursday, May 24, 2012

What Would Ariel Buy?

Let me break it down for you: When I was a kid, I freakin' loved Ariel from The Little Mermaid.
Still a hot b.
I wanted to be Ariel with BLONDE hair, though of course. (Because I had blonde hair, natch.) I even once almost drowned (slightly dramatized version) in my pool because I was trying to swim like a damn mermaid with one of those stupid dive rings you play with in the pool around my feet. I was/am a terrible combination of imaginative and kind of dumb.

I am still, today, a little obsessed with Ariel. I have told you guys before that I love a gorge ginger, and this b is the epitome of the hot ginger chick (with a fish tail no less). So I started thinking, if Ariel was a real person, and lived in current times, what would she like? Sidebar -- When the eff was The Little Mermaid supposed to take place? The mess could have been anywhere between 1634 and 1920.

Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray, $24
Of course Ariel (person version) would totally be into beachy waves. And this Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray has actual salt water in it.

Lancome Color Design 5 Shadow & Liner Palette in Amethyst Glam, $49

A good purple shadow looks great on almost anyone, and we know that this color is great on Ariel, because, duh, her boob shells are purple. I own this palette, and the she's a beaut, Clark. It has a great shimmer level (not circa '97 levels of glitter), and blends very easily.

Trident Earring from Etsy, $40

If our modern-day Ariel were cool and even a little bit hipster-y, she would wear the hell out of this trident duster earring. And I think she would be. She liked shiny crap, and was possibly the world's first ever hoarder. Someone needs to buy this badass thing immediately, take pictures of themselves wearing it, email me the picture, and then I can hate you forever. I just like to hate people, like for fun.

Nars Body Glow, $59
Listen, when Ariel had legs, they were some badass gams, see? (read that in a 20's gangster voice) To keep those things looking spicy, I think that homegirl would appreciate a little glow on her skin. On the real, I haven't tried this ish, because it's freakin' $59, and I'm poor. But doesn't it just look like hot sex?

Local Celebrity Seashell Skinny Tank, $46
I mean, come the hell on. There are seashells. On a tank top.

Too Faced Full Bloom Lip & Cheek Color in Prim & Poppy Coral, $21
Ariel is used to living Unda da Sea, where everything's wetter...and you probably don't wear makeup. So she would totally benefit from using a product that has dual uses and is super easy to put on, like this creamy blush/lip combo from Too Faced.

What do you guys think? Would Ariel use all this ish? Or would Scuttle like it all...To poop on!

This dog said I'm a dumbass.


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Monday, May 21, 2012

I Don't Think I'm Ready (For This Jelly)

I was walking around the mall the other day, because I'm old and that's what old people do, when I came across these gems:


What the eff, guys? Are we REALLY doing this again? Not that these earrings weren't my ride or die Claire's favorites back in the day, but daaaayyyyumn. I also came across a pack of scrunchies. I'm stressed. Will I be waking up some time in the near future wearing this again?

Yes, I am that b.
I don't know if I have that kind of money in my balloon budget.

Or, perhaps this is in my future (again):

Limited, Too was my jam.
I look like a sister wife. But, damn, I wish I had that collar bone back.  P.S. How did we live before flat irons? That is one unfortunate hair situation.

Here's one of my favorite fashion history moments:


A baby pink Members Only/Michael Jackson 'Beat It' hybrid jacket? Yes, please. I would still rock that mess.


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Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Hey, Rihanna...


Why are you wearing Gam Gam's jammies?

P.S. Your hair looks 1,000 times better than that thirsty blonde weave you've been sporting, so congrats on that!




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Sunday, March 18, 2012

I Have Been Living a Lie...And You're Going to Hate Me!

I have totally been hiding something from you guys, and it is HIGH time that my ol' shady ass comes clean. (Why does that sound gross for some reason?)

Time for my confession...


I have been wearing Toms. AND I LOVE THEM. I know, I know. We talked about this. And you all gave me a big ass "NAY" over it.  You don't even know me anymore, do you?

Just hear me out for a minute. It's not my fault. I blame Whole Foods. I was shopping for fun stuff like kale and wheatgrass (See, I'm totally in the Toms demographic!), and I came upon the Toms section at Whole Foods (Yes, that exists, weirdly enough.). I always linger there for a moment, and this time there was a pair for 50% off! I was all, "What the eff. When in Rome..." and snatched them up.

That was it for me. After the initial breaking in (one day of semi-discomfort), I felt like this:



It was like angels were carrying my feet upon their feathery wings!!! (Note: Not AS comfortable as that, but pretty, pretty close.) And I actually found them to be cute! I know, what the eff? Am I a step away from wearing the devil's handmaidens? AKA these:

If you said "Yes," you better quit playin' b. Ain't happening. Sidenote: Crocs, please stop trying to be cute. Just accept that you are the 2000's version of a water shoe/Teva sandal-with-socks hybrid and call it a day.



NO. STOP THE INSANITY.

You can trust that I will never cross over to THAT dark side.



See! I'm still me! Don't hate me...I'm still a girly heels girl at heart. I just have a semi-split hippie personality (With extra dirtiness!).

I'm just being Miley! (I hate myself.)



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Thursday, January 5, 2012

Seriously, Don't Watch This. It's Terrible.

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Friday, December 16, 2011

I'm Cheap Part 239084390: My Fave Under $20 Finds

I'm cheap, but I like to shop. We know this. Here are some of my favorite items that I have gotten over the past month or so that all rang up for under $20.


I love the drama of a faux fur. And no cute little shmanimals are harmed. Yay! I scored this faux fur vest for $12 thrift.


Speaking of drama, is there anything more dramatic than a cape? Nope, and I want to Sherlock Holmes it up as much a possible. And I got this baby for $20 on sale at Marshall's, thankyouverymuch!


I love stripes. This H&M skirt is super cute layered with tights, socks, boots, the whole shebang and it was FIVE DOLLARS!!!


Lastly, I got this sweet Badgley Mishka belt for $8 thrift. Real leather, and really versatile!

Have you guys scored any good deals lately? What's your favorite way to shop on the cheap?

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Outfit of the Day: Girly Boy!

Shirt: Thrift
Jeans: Genetic Denim, similar (And on sale!) here
Shoes: Aldo, buy (On sale!!!) here
Handbag: Linea Pelle, similar (but bigger) here
Hat: Albertus Swanepoel for Target, buy here
Jewelry: Random hodge podge of crap that I have accumulated over the years...

My husband took this picture, and because he's taller you can't really see my shoes. So here's a pic I took of myself via timer (Yay!), just because I like my shoes!


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Monday, December 12, 2011

Urban Farmers' Market

Shirt: Miley Cyrus for Walmart (don't judge me)
Sweater: Karlie, find retailer here
Jeans: Blank Denim, Similar here
Boots: Old Navy, buy here
Bracelet: Target headband from circa 2004
Necklace: By boe, similar here

I had to cut my head off. I didn't have makeup on yet, and it was tragic. That's Wiggy in the background, with a cameo by a few ghosts in the form of light orbs. Yay?

This is what I wore to a local farmers' market. Because, yes, every day is an opportunity to wear something that skews at least slightly into costume territory. Pin It

Friday, December 9, 2011

WTF, Stacy Ferguson?


Fergie showed up to something called "The Night of Firsts" ( I effing hope so!) wearing this hot mess. #1 You can't zip it. #2 You're wearing a Felix the Cat dress. #3 You look uncomfortable as hell, like a b that can't zip her dress up. Oh, wait...

This is the only way that Felix the Cat should be making appearances.


And when's the last time you saw one of those? Probably when you looked like this.


You and J Love should have showed up like this last night. That would have been the realness.
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Is This Douchey? I Feel Douchey.

Jacket: Target, a million years ago
Shirt: Thrift store, Juicy Couture
Leggings: Brittney, similar here
Socks: Target
Boots: Old Navy, buy here
Necklace: Forever 21, similar (and kind of cooler) here

So I had a few (real and not imaginary) people ask me to do blog posts with my Outfit of the Day. Like, what I wore that day and whatnot. I know a lot of bloggers do this, and a lot of them are really great. But, I feel like who the eff am I that you would give half a crap about what I wore? So here is my first (and possibly last) OOTD post.

Are you guys into this at all? If so, tell me if you want me to do this fairly regularly. I will take silence as an answer of you think that I'm a douche.

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