Monday, June 17, 2013

True Blood Musings: I Wanna Do Blob Things to You

Well mofos, here we are again. Another season of True Blood kicked off last night, so that means my musing are back. And let me tell you, it really started out with a meh...


Dammit, can't Bill just stay a blob of goo on the ground? His looks would finally match his personality. Where's a vat of Goo Gone when you need one?

We're going to delve into all of the episode, so duh, spoilers ahead. If you're all watched up, and ready to talk about it, follow me after the jump.





Well, damn, Luna. I hope the actress that plays her didn't have to come to work just to film a ten second death. Somebody's not getting paid overtime.
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Thankfully, Eric isn't dead or I would have really had it with Bill's ol' gelatinous ass.
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I tried to get a picture of Bill's ass tooting off into space like a boring ass torpedo, but it was just too dark. So I recreated it myself.
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"I hate the beach. Fish piss and sand in your cooch." I knew that Pam and I were totally soul-less sisters. I effin' hate the beach, too. It's gross.
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Am I watching True Blood, or a commercial for a PMDD medicine?  Calm your emotional tits, everyone.

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See? Even Jason's ridiculous. He's all cry-faced over Sookie being a humanoid traitor, or whatever, and uses the lame ass, trite, "You're dead to me card." Snore.
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Who wants a cherry Gusher in this b*tch?
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Well, my Alcide boner has been thoroughly cured by his sudden and intense cannibalism.
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And as per ush, my La La continues to kill it in life.


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Who is this wily magician/Crypt Keeper hybrid with the silver water line eyeliner?
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To to recap this situation, the "new Bill Compton" can't be killed and is more boring and effing annoying than ever. And can also create earthquakes with his new levels of blah-ness. Fun.
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I'm pretty sure if a political dude looks like a lamer ass version of Walter White in a douchey motorcycle jacket, he can't be trusted. Also, is this the set of Mythbusters?
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Boner reinstated, I guess. Even Alcide's clenched ass is surprised.
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Sweet(ish) Eric is back, and Sookie gives him the permanent kick out? Rude.
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Andy's half fairy kids are mf-ing creepy. And a portion on them can apparently cut their own blunt or wispy bangs.
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Through some impossible circumstance, NBC's (New Bill Compton) hair is worse than the OG version's. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?


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That's all for the TB premiere, kids. What did you think about it? I, myself, was a little underwhelmed. I could use about 98345083 times more Lafayette, and 398450348 less NBC.

Let us discuss in the comments below.


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