Friday, February 24, 2012

Blogging Note:

To the people who arrived on this blog by googling "justin bieber wearing lipstick," I salute you. Carry on.

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Thursday, February 23, 2012

So You Know You're at a Dr. Suess Movie Premiere, Right?

Well lookie here, butter beans. Zac Efron dropped a gold wrapped condom at The Lorax movie premiere. WHICH IS AN ANIMATED CHILDREN'S MOVIE. I have several thoughts on this:

1. A gold wrapper usually means it is a Magnum size. (Don't pretend you w's don't know what that    means. We're all trash here.) Yeah, no.

2. SOME PEOPLE (ahem, me) think that ol' Zacy poo *allegedly* wanted to use said condom for random hook ups with random hot men that might be attending The Zorax premiere (????).

3. SOME PEOPLE (side eye) think that the only other possibility is that Zac wanted to make balloon animals for orphans attending the movie. (Zac's PR people are feverishly typing excuse emails containing this explanation. You're welcome, b's!)

4. Last possibility: That cold hearted minxy snake Taylor Swift planted that mess in her co-stars pocket. Don't let her new bangs fool you. I see you, Swift.

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Friday, February 17, 2012


Shall I call you Mr. DumDum? Your name is awesome. Thank you for coming on Judge Mathis and sharing it with us all.

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Calling All of You Cheap Ladies! (Not In a Morally Loose Way...Or Even If You Are, Whatever.)

Do you like to be super cheap, but still get good crap? Because I sure do! (Duh!) It's not an ideal combo, because you might end up not getting anything that great...Well ever. (Double duh!) But today is an exception! (Double yay!)

There's currently a sale going on over on, and that ish is at least 50% off. That includes one of my super makeup staples, the Primer Potion. If you have never used UD Primer Potion, listen you cray b (Hey cray b's! Love you!), your world is about to get rocked. Hardcore style. (Gross.) There is NOTHING that makes your eye makeup last longer, or become more vibrant than using PP. NOTHING, I TELL YOU!!!

They haven't changed the formulation or anything, just the packaging. The sale PP is in the older style 'genie bottle'. There are some issues with this packaging (which is I'm sure why they are kiboshing this mess), but don't worry I know how to get around it!

Just when you think that you have used every bit of the Primer Potion, you ain't seen nothin' yet, sweet cheeks. You'll need to take out the wand of the bottle, then grab a big ass knife (It's a technical term). Take the b.a. knife (shortened technical term) and cut all the way through the container. It doesn't really matter where, whatever seems fancy to you. Now that you have cut through, you will see all that goodness that you were about to throw out. You silly ninny! Now take your wand from the bottle and scoop out all of that amazingness and put it in an air-tight container. I used an old eye cream vat. Once again, do what you want. I'm not your mama. (Copyright: Dinosaurs, circa 1992)

Enough about the genie bottle. They have a ton of mess on sale, including eye liner, glittery makeup bags, and even this year's Book of Shadows. And the Book of Shadow is all Jeston-esque and ish. It comes pre-loaded with makeup tutorials and portable speakers. What the what???

Okay, I'm done giving it up for Urban Decay for nothing. But ish is good. Guess I am that kind of girl... Pin It

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Another Great Drugstore Beauty Find!

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Let Us All Try to Drown Our Sorrows

We all know that, sadly, we lost Whitney Houston today. It is a very sad time for all of us. We have lost a wonderfully talented, yet tragically tortured artist. So in effort to lift all of our spirits, I present to you the one thing that will forever bring a little light to my life every time that I view it.

You're welcome.

On the real, RIP Whitney. We were all rooting for you. Oh, and I see you, Bobby.

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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Have a New Boyfriend, You Guys!

(Minus all that sports mess.)

Don't worry, cockroach weatherman, you're still my main man.

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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Reason #1987384 That You Hate Me

I effin' love Mob Wives. If you don't watch this hottest of a hot mess, you are so missing out. This Funny or Die video is pretty damn spot on. Especially Renee.

My favorite style icon from Mob Wives is hands down Big Ang. I'm seriously in love with this woman. She and I are kindred spirits. Leopard? Dark hair? Those lips?

Are you guys watching this ish? Let's talk about it.

P.S. Yes, that second Big Ang portrait tattoo is mine. Get off my jock.

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Lose the Scaly Skin: The Best Heavy Duty Body Moisturizers

I love a good greased-up appendage. (Not like that, sick brain!) I have always preferred a crazy, super-heavy, moisturizing body lotion/oil/greasy fun product. It's my mom's fault. When I was a kid, she was constantly slathering on her Nivea body lotion (not to mention tanning oil), and let me tell you, that b had the softest skin EVA! Over the years, I have developed my own beauty list of my favorites, and now I am here to share them with my homegirls!

First up is Nivea Creme. It is SER-I-OUS. I poo poo you not. I started using this mess in high school, so it's my O.G. (That's Original Gansta for you youngins.) jam. It makes your skin really shiny, which I really love! It's around $8 at your local general store. (Like the old west!)

Ugh, you guys. Cocoa butter isn't just for pregnant chicks' bellies anymore. I LOVE cocoa butter. Especially Palmer's. It's so rich and creamy and ridiculously moisturizing. And is SMELLS LIKE CHOCOLATE. Need I say more? CHOCOLATE! This badass b is around $5, and you can pretty much snag it anywhere. (I mean probably not Hot Topic or anything, but you get my point.)

P.S. Store it upside down so you can get it out more easily! See, I'm helpful!

Palmer's is the Thelma to my Louise, but I did find another cocoa butter that I'm kind of into. I was at Target, and I wanted some cocoa butter (shocker) and the Boot's Cocoa Butter Body Butter was on sale for $8.50 (It's usually $9.99) so I picked it up. Sadly, when I got it home and opened it, I saw that somebody had stuck their grubby little paws all up in my Kool Aid. There were finger drag marks galore. Gross. And I had already thrown out my receipt. What's a nasty girl to do? USE THAT ISH! And you know what? I don't regret it. My legs are so soft right now, that it's worth the risk of Scabies and Typhoid Fever (Oregon Trail style).

Now hang on a second. I know you're going to think that I'm crazy. I like to use coconut oil as a body lotion. Slightly unconventional? Maybe. But it worked so well as a hair mask that I thought I would try it as a moisturizer. I liked that ish! Yes, it's oily. But it absorbs into the skin after a couple of minute, so hang on hussy! You can buy coconut oil at specialty grocery and health food stores. It has a bajillion (I counted.) uses!

That's it my squishy, oiled-up minxes! Do you guys like to grease yourself up like you're about to jump into kiddie pool with another chick? Or are you more of a tame, lightly moisturized lady? Let's talk.

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Monday, February 6, 2012

Editor's Note...

If you arrived at this blog by googling "Snooki 98 pounds hot nude pics" or "snooki 98 pounds naked" (And, yes, people did.), you can pump your brakes sir/madame. That ish will not be found up in this piece.

I say, "Good day!"

P.S. You're kind of gross.

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Thursday, February 2, 2012

Easy Natural Everyday Makeup Tutorial

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Major Warning: I Have Super Scary Naked Face In This Video (AKA Foundation Tutorial)

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Wednesday, February 1, 2012


Radar Online is reporting that SNOOKI IS PREGNANT. SOMEONE GET MY SMELLING SALTS, I CAN'T STOP KANYE WEST-STYLE CAPS LOCKING!!! I need to go gather my thoughts.

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More Cheap Fabulousity (AKA Best Drugstore Ish)

I have told you b's before that I am cheap. I don't really know why, it's just a thing. And while I will shell out the major dough for stuff that I love, it is always the best EVER to find great beauty products on the cheap. I've shared some of my favorites in the past, but in the past few months I have found some new goodies. Yay! Let's do this ish!

I love this b. This is Sonia Kashuk Hidden Agenda Concealer Set, available at Target for $9.99. Let me tell you, this is the business right hurr. This picture doesn't really reflect the true colors of the concealers, they are lighter in actuality. There are three colors for you to create the perfect shade to match your skin, and the bottom right square is a translucent powder to set what you have concealed! What, what? Are you at Target yet? I also just discovered while writing this that this is an Allure 'Best of Beauty' award winner. So you don't just have to trust my ass!

Next up is L'Oreal EverCreme Cleansing Conditioner, which is like a low-rent version of Wen. I have never used Wen, so I can't compare it directly, but I have used Hair One which is another cleansing conditioner. BTW, just exactly WTF is a 'cleansing conditioner'? It takes the place of your shampoo AND conditioner, and it doesn't strip your hair. Anyway, this ish is fierceness in a bottle. When I tried Hair One I:

Needless to say, I had not so high hopes for the L'Oreal cleansing conditioner. But you know what? It was:

Seriously, try it. It's like $7 at wherever you would like to purchase such items. Score.

 Keeping with the L'Oreal love fest, I have a new drugstore mascara obsession. I'm so on L'Oreal's jock right now; I hate when I'm a brand w. So annoying! Anyway, I am really into L'Oreal Voluminous mascara. It's reminiscent of Lancome's Hypnose, which no doy (!!!), L'Oreal and Lancome are owned by the same parent company! Yay for cheap and glorious! This is $7 or $8 depending on if you are a Walmart kind of girl ($7) or a CVS chick ($8, but get them Extra Care Bucks honey boo boo!).

I actually have ANOTHER L'Oreal product that I really like, but I'll save it for later. I'm tired of talking about them. You guys are going to think that I'm on payroll or some ish. Please b, I wish.

Do you guys have any drugstore faves? What are your cheap down ass b's?

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