Friday, September 30, 2011

Easy Ish: Smokey Eye Tutorial

Don't be alarmed that I look like the dog from Lil' Rascals at the beginning of this video.

P.S. I never realized how freaking awkward I am until I started doing these videos. Pin It

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Sorry, B. Your Ass Doesn't Look Like This.

Bad news, you guys. Walking around in Reebok Easytones doesn't make your ass any better. Reebok was just fined $25 million bucks by the Federal Trade Commission for ads like the one above, stating that wearing the sneakers tones and strengthens muscles more than wearing Tevas or whatever. The FTC says there is not research to back up Reeboks claims, and that ish doesn't fly. Good news is if you have blown bucks on these b*tches, Reebok is offering refunds.

Sorry, hoes. We're are just going to have to keep hoofing it and lunging and crap. Life sucks. Pin It


I'm sorry, this ish looks boring as hell. Nene's fired up about being rich? Kim's talking about her fetus' wiener? Andy Cohen, get your crap together before I slap that lazy eye straight. News flash: B's watch RHW of wherever to watch trash and fighting. Not to hear about b's stock portfolios. NEXT! Pin It

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Jessica Simpson is Pregnant...Or Something...

So the rags are yammering about Jessica Simpson (I always want to type "Yessica." WTF is wrong with me?) being pregnant with ol' gold digger guy's baby. If she is, or isn't, whatever. The best part of this story is the quote from the "source" given to inTouch Weekly.

“She’s already having kooky cravings!” a friend shares, especially nacho chips dipped in chocolate — “which satisfy her urge for salty and sweet” — cheese-flavored popcorn and non-alcoholic margaritas.

Now, despite the fact that there will be one more “guest” (and that “Jessica might have to take out her dress a bit”), their plans to marry in November haven’t changed.

While it’s true that not everyone would consider the timing ideal, the friend says the couple considers the baby to be “the best wedding gift ever.” Luckily, she’s not due ’til spring, leaving them just enough time to be newlyweds before new parents.

Kooky cravings? Non-alcoholic margaritas? Best wedding gift ever? If I was Yessica (eff it), I would be less pissed about my friend talking to a tabloid and more pissed that I was friends with a douche that would talk like this. "Annoying as Eff DB of the Day Award" (it's very prestigious) goes to you, anonymous source! Pin It

Easy Fall Fashion: 1 Dress, 3 Ways

Okay, b's. It's officially fall! I made another sh*tty (yet hopefully somewhat helpful) vid to show you a few ways to style one simple fall dress.

Let me know what you guys would like more videos/posts about! Pin It

Monday, September 26, 2011

Boardwalk Empire Recap:

 Listen, Boardwalk. I need more of this in my life.

 Like 20 seconds an episode is not going to cut it to fill my crazy ho tank. Let's discuss the premiere!

Pin It

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I'm a Douche...

I made an eyebrow tutorial video. It's my first one, so I kind of suck. Get your tomatoes ready...

Pin It

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Cheap Crap I Love: Mineral Makeup Edition

I have a confession. I freaking hate Bare Mineral foundations. I mean could you have LESS foundation color options? I hate how it looks on my skin. Now, put your picket signs away all of you BM lovers (heh, BM lovers). I know some people love that crap, and it's changed their lives, and it makes them dream of mallomars and unicorn horns. Great. Awesome.

I will say that I like two Bare Minerals products. Well Rested for under eye area is my bitch. Done, hang it up, love it. If you want to try it, you can get it from Sephora. I also like warmth for a bronzer, but I don't use it anymore after spilling an entire container in my car. Over. It.

I have another mineral makeup that I like a million times better, and it's way cheaper. The one downside is that you can only buy it online, but they ship super fast so it's not THAT annoying. The line is called Everyday Minerals. I first learned about it when researching mineral makeup a few years ago. I came across a bunch of youtube videos comparing BM and EM, and EM kept coming up on top. So I thought, "What the hell, I'll try it."

Well here's the best part. You can try minis of the foundations for free! Yes, free, bitches! Here's the link. All you pay is shipping (which was about $3 for me), and you get seven sample size foundations in the finish (matte or semi-matte) and skintone of your choosing. Pretty awesome, huh? They also have specials every day that are pretty awesome. I have never tried any eyeshadows or anything, so don't ask me about that crap.

I won't say that 100% LOVE this. It's the best mineral makeup FOR ME that I have used. But, I need a little more coverage. For that I use MAC's Studio Fix, then I put the Everyday Minerals loose base on top. If you like a lighter coverage, you should be set just with the EM base.

Do you guys have a foundation that you LOVE, LOVE? I'm always open to newness! And I will say that this is what works for me, a chick that's oily as eff and needs a fuller coverage. Let's discuss! Pin It

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Are You Going to Try This Ish? Or am I Cray-Zay?

So I got brave today. I've been wanting to try the open-toed bootie/wedge/whatever the hell you wear on your feet and sock trend, but I've been scared. I decided to do it today. I was getting my beloved Russian mail order bride (rude) bangs cut, and I said, "Eff it. I'm wearing socks and wedges. Bite me, world!"

I'm into it, guys. I can't lie. I can't wait to try different socks, tights, hospital shoe covers, cotton balls, everything! What do you guys think? Are you willing to give this look a try? It's okay if you hate it. I won't judge you. (Yes, I totally will.) Speak yo' mind! (And the rest will follow...Shout out: En Vouge) Pin It

Monday, September 19, 2011

What the Hell am I Looking at Here, Exactly?

We all know Paz de la Huerta is a crazy ass crazy, but this is a man down level of cray cray. I literally do not know where to rest my eyes. I'm not even mad that she's wearing my dream prom dress from '97. Or that her skin is half a day glo shade from that salmon on acid dress color. Or that her hair looks like one of those shitty Spencer's wigs you buy for your slutty Shania Twain Halloween costume and then wear home tossed askew on your walk of shame the next morning. What in the disgusting effery is that lipstick?!? She looks like she just made out with this dude. Who the hell am I kidding? I love this bitch. Pin It

Sunday, September 18, 2011

WTF in HAM Hell is Happening?

First I come across these pics of Lilo kissing (???) her mom that should come with a complementary vat of Lysol and radioactive-proof eye shields. Then ol' horsey Montag pops up looking CRAAAAYY-ZAAAAY! What in the overly bleached hell is happening?!? If you want to see more of this mess and you have had your swine flu vaccinations as well as your tetanus (Heh...anus...) shots, check out more of the Lohan crew over at Rumor Fix. For more of Heidi, who has obviously jumped on the train to low-rent, brokedown Anna Nicole-ville, hop on ova to TMZ.

P.S. Lohans - Think of the CHILDREN!!! That poor little boy having these people raise him. Oy vey. Pin It

Friday, September 16, 2011

Why Am I Obsessed?

What is my deal with this "girl?" I can't quit her alien-faced ass. Ugh!

P.S. YOU ARE NOT 16!!!! Pin It

Monday, September 12, 2011

True Blood Musings: It Ain't Over!

Okay, yes, it is indeed over. (For now.) Sadness all around. Pour out a little Tru Blood for our True Blood homies lost this season, and let's all get drunk until next season. Because it's prohibition, y'alls! More on that later...But you know what I do hope is over?

This is just a heaping "no" sandwich. A hot, messy one at that. Let's talk TB finale, bitches.

Pin It

Friday, September 9, 2011

Finally Free to Be Me!

Hell yes, bitches! It's finally after Labor Day, and I can be free to be my vampy-ass self. If you are a rules-follower (Natch, I am not.), you can start rocking your gothier, vampier nail polish colors. And I can do so without being judged (as much).

Here's my starting lineup of some of my vampier polishes (without my old standbys like OPI's "Lincoln Park After Dark" or Essie's "Wicked"). I'm about to do my inaugural polish change, and I am stumped on which color to pick. Sophie's choice!!! Anyway, how about the polish color that I'm coveting for Fall?

That would be this b. Chanel's "Peridot." Love. It. Sold out, blah, blah, blah. If you are having polish block, and need a little inspiration, here's a great article on Fall's hottest nail polish shades. Check it out. Tres helpful. What colors/trends are you guys hyped for? Pin It

Easy(ish) Cute Hairstyles

I'm always on the lookout for cute, easy things to do with my hair. I get bored easily, and I try to avoid doing drastic, somewhat permanent things to my hair by finding new styling techniques. So, yeah, basically I'm a crazy b that makes rash decisions. Yay! Check out the cuteness that I found scouring the interwebs. So cute, non? I am linking to the blogs where I found this badassness (with instructions, yay) so we all can have amazing hurrrr. For that friggin' awesome bun, find out how do create it here. And the braid instructions are here. Okay, annnnnnd go!

Pin It

Thursday, September 8, 2011

This. Is. Awesome.

Via WOW Report. Pin It

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Oh, R. Simms!

All these other hoes need to sit the eff down. This b is the OG Stunt Queen. And I'm sorry, but I WISH I could rock a pair of hose like Richard Simmons. Those are some nice stems! (Stems credit: Cher Horowitz) Pin It

Hot Cheap Sh*t: Missoni for Target Edition

I'm so excited, you guys! On September 13th, Missoni is releasing a HUGE collection (Over 400 pieces!) for Target. From Missoni's signature zig zag printed knit pieces to housewares to a bike (Eeeep!), this ish is hot.

Target has also released a lot of the lookbook, which you can check out here. I'm dying over stuff like the tights and this hot ass poncho deal right here. But also the clutch, the swimwear...Ugh! So much! Crap, I'm going to be at Target for 2309483098 hours next Tuesday. B's better make way!

What do you guys think? Are you excited for Missoni for Target, like I am (obvs)? Pin It

Monday, September 5, 2011

True Blood Musings: Leave La La OUT Of It!!!

 Okay, you b's know my love for Lafayette. That's my down ass b, and you know this. But in the final scene, when he's in bed with Jesus...That hair. That little scrap of hair that they are gluing on this poor man's head...Tragic.

File that ish under TOO. MUCH. Let's discuss this week's epi.

Pin It

Thursday, September 1, 2011

We're All Getting Old: Part 20394823098

So, remember American Pie? Yeah, I was in high school. All young and, a-hem, innocent. Well apparently, there is something called American Reunion coming out, with the original American Pie cast.

I mean sh*t. Tara Reid has a mf'ing blazer on, and that b is a HAM (hot ass mess) sandwich. I'm old. They're old. WTF is happening? My bones ache. Get me some damn Ben Gay or Tiger Balm or some ish. Pin It